Going out of my mind.

[CLH23]

Been seeing a guy for almost a year. I really like him. He's very high up in work, so always had a busy schedule. So whilst I say 'seeing' it hasn't been normal. But I was fine with this, we'd had conversations about how we were loyal to each other etc. anyway, he's obviously got a few issues (admitted this anyway) but everytime life gets hard he's told me we need to stop talking. Absolutely driven me insane especially when there's feelings. But very quickly he's come back saying 'night' and it starts again. Anyway, gone cold again told me we need to stop talking and for the first time ever he's not even read my last message. It's been 2 days, my anxiety is through the roof and I hate this feeling!!!! I sound desperate and appreciate he's not the kind of guy that's good for the future. But what I need to know right now is, do you think I'll hear from him again?!!! Things were intense before.

...ignore typos.

He just isn’t right for you. You want connection and he likes distance. He can “switch off” because this is who he is—and always was. Stop trying to recapture the fantasy thrill of capturing his attention. It wasn’t real and permanent. He isn’t for you.

Can I ask @CLH23 what advice is it that you want? Absolutely nobody is going to come on and go "Oh that was what my DP / DH was like at the start but now he's a changed man and the best and most loyal husband you can imagine! Stick in there and he'll realise how much he has to lose and will completely change his whole personality just for you!"

Which I imagine is what you want to hear.

Absolutely not one single healthy and happy relationship has started like this OP. It's been 12 months, not a long time in the grand scheme of things but don't carry on and before you know it it's been years and you're still just his bit on the side...

You do know what to expect. You can expect to be messed around. It’s not easy but you are the only person who can make it stop. It’s like ripping a plaster . Block, and distract yourself. And on repeat. The sooner you start the sooner you stop hurting.

I appreciate all the "you're not listening" and "he's seeing someone else"'but it's not easy for anyone who has feelings and whatever the reality maybe, this hurts and yes it's hard when your in emotional turmoil

but it is easy.

He's showing you time after time by reinforcing his attitude of disdain and lack of interest in having a healthy relationship illustrated by his actions.

That's the clearest thing to go by, how a man makes you feel, by the things they do

Whether you act on that knowledge is another matter.

He's not emotionally available and these feelings that you are feeling is the hurt and frustration of feeling the rejection.

It's like he can give you the bare minimum and you are back there feeling content and happy.... for a while... until he does it again.

You really need to sack him off... and take steps to move on. You NEED to be different this time, you NEED to be accountable. Don't block him but when he messages you.... just don't be available... he will eventually message.. because that's your routine...you just need to change your response.

If you want this guy to step up and grow up he needs to miss what he has with you.... he needs to feel the pain of you possibly moving on. He won't ever feel this if you are just there.

If this guy was married with kids and got to this age behaving like that... it's unlikely that he'll change...

I've been through this and my gosh it's heavy on the heart, moreso because I had his baby x I wasted to long on this guy x

Be strong x there will be something better out there xx

Because he doesn't care to. He doesn't see any big drama, or even a little bit of drama. Take this as another message in itself that he isn't fussed- either way!
You need to understand that most of the advice here comes from experience and wisdom. It's not like we don't get how shit it feels
You know how easy it is to fire off a quick text, right? It's so easy and non time consuming. And yet you build it up as more meaningful than it is when he sends you one piddly little 'goodnight' message. He could easily read your latest message and send you a quick reply. But he can't be arsed. You're the one tearing your hair out over this. Meanwhile he's just living his day to day life not thinking about you. You have to be your own best friend in this case, let the advice sink in, give yourself and shake and just let go of the idea of him.

But, he will come back!

Don't be stupid, how can you possibly know that - are you the bloke?

So, IF he comes back, for what reason would that be - because he has feelings for OP or because he knows she will passively accept his behaviour? Probably the latter, if he had feelings for her he wouldn't behave this way (sorry, OP, brutal but honest, someone who loved you wouldn't do this). And if he does come back, how long before he goes off into his bubble again?

End it now. Your self-esteem will go through the floor if you don't. People will treat you in the way you allow yourself to be treated - old adage, but true.

OK, then. He adores you, he worships you, he'll definitely be back to claim you for his own. All complete rubbish, but it seems that's what you want to hear. You are asking for advice, but ignoring it and simply repeating the same thing over and over but in different words.

So what if he 'messaged you a day later last time'? He's. Playing. With. Your. Head. Some people (men and women) enjoy doing this, it gives them a kick to manipulate certain people, bamboozle them, it's the fun of game-playing. They can spot a likely candidate a mile off and you are falling for it hook, line and sinker. You're hurting but where's your self-respect, OP?

He doesn’t care enough to block you. He can happily ignore you and not think twice about it. Also he knows it will make you desperate to hear from him.

He knows where you are when he wants to hoover you back in again. Yes he will contact you again, and you’ll be even more desperate to please next time.

You are not the one for him OP. He would never risk losing you if you were. Happiness does not lie here for you. Stop trying to make it into more than it is.

Archive his chats or something so you aren’t waiting for notifications. And pack your diary going out with friends and family. Give yourself a chance to find out who else is out there for you.

Because then he can't stick his cock in your vagina next time his balls need emptying and none of the other 3 women he's shagging are available.

You're just a warm wanksock.

Leave him alone completely.
It doesn't matter if he comes back or not.
Stop accepting him back. Block him on everything and cease communication. Do not initiate, nor respond.

It is probably best if you remain single and work on yourself..perhaps in therapy.

You want to settle for less because you don't love, care, and respect yourself.
If you did, you wouldn't be self sabotaging and holding onto something and someone that isn't any good for your life.

Let go and learn to move on.
Perhaps therapy would be beneficial.