Partner Arrested What do I do?

[Cbarkerxo]

someone I have been seeing and I went for a few drinks yesterday, everything was great and had a lovely day. Get back to the pub down the road and his friends girlfriend and friend was there. He made several inappropriate comments about the girl, I let it go and then he said something degrading which really upset me, I left the pub and I walked home. Slightly jealous? Maybe. But I have been treated like this before and I was made to feel like a problem.
I walked home, he was ringing me constantly. He got back before I did, decided to get the car keys.. next thing I have a call from him saying ‘this is your fault babe’. He had crashed the car into a parked car down the road (luckily no one was hurt).
he’s been arrested at midnight, I haven’t heard a thing. Really bad experience with the police and I have been left in the dark. I understand they can’t and won’t tell me certain things.. but what do I do? Do I wait for him to contact me/go pick him up or do I just leave? The fact he said it was my fault really has upset me.

What do you do? You dump him, that's what.

next thing I have a call from him saying ‘this is your fault babe’.

Others have said this already, but to reiterate: of course it isn't your fault. The fact that not only chose to drink and drive but then blamed you honestly shows that he's a terrible person.

Get rid of him.

Also look into the freedom program, it will help you break away from abusive relationships.

You need to end the relationship, learn about healthy relationships (do the freedom programme), do some self esteem work (the book overcoming low self esteem is a good place to start) and make sure you stay single for a while.

What you do is change the locks.

He was obnoxious and then drunken driving. Entirely of his doing and although you are sad he will let his son down because he will be banned from driving - still entirely his own doing. I would give him a wide birth he sounds nasty and trouble.

1. Not your fault, not in the slightest

1. Block - do not unblock - his mess = his problem

1. Learn to love yourself

1. Look into why you're allowing yourself to be drawn into 'relationships' with fucking arseholes

1. Day drinking isn't a date - it's an excuse to drink all day, a red flag in and of itself

so, he’s misogynistic and boorish, doesn’t care that he upsets you by behaving sexually towards other women, says degrading things, can’t handle his drink, drives drunk, doesn’t take responsibility for his actions, and expects you to mop up after him.

What exactly is it you like about this man?

"We are at his house, I’ve known him for over 6 years and romantically we have only just got together after me moving away for a few years"

Then he hardly qualifies as a "partner".

You’ve jumped from one idiot to another.

It isn’t your fault that he decided to drink drive, it isn’t your fault that his airbag went off when he crashed, it’s not your fault that he got arrested and it’s certainly not your fault if he had fucked up his relationship with his son. A good partner (or dad) doesn’t drink drive.

Op, he is a narcissist himself. Thinking it’s ok to make inappropriate comments to women, not considering your feelings, drink driving, then gaslighting you by blaming you for him crashing then car. Can’t you see it’s the same patterns as your last relationship all over again? Yes they may be different situations but he’s an absolute twat and not only does he think he’s above the law to drink and drive, he also objectifies women and then blames you for crashing his car! I bet it’s not the first time he’s blamed you for stuff or acted like an arrogant twat, I can tell you he’s abusive just from your op. You should not be doubting yourself.

He's just shown you his true colours and you've picked another loser. What do you do? Dump him and go learn about boundaries and what constitutes a healthy relationship. Women's Aid have lots of resources. If you do the work, you shouldn't find yourself in yet another abusive relationship further down the line. Also, there's nothing wrong with being single.

@Cbarkerxo

luckily he walks to work but has a little boy he needs to pick up and see. Which makes it even worse.

I'm assuming you've been able to get to your own home now?

Whatever you do don't lend him YOUR car, if you have one, however much he blames you for his poor behaviour - you've seen how irresponsible he is once has had too much to drink. Let him work out how he gets to collect/drop off his son.

Really consider whether you should take this relationship any further or whether you deserve better. (You do!!). 🌹

You need to end the “relationship” - for your own mental and emotional wellbeing.

Go to your own house, your parents' house, anywhere safe.
Finish with him, by text.
Block all means of communication with him.
Forget him. Never think of him again.

Well he better get to know the train times real well then. Serves him right. Do nothing and block his number. Do not engage and do not take him back. It's really not you.

What a vile man he is.

Text him and tell him it’s over and then cut all contact.

You’ve dodged a massive bullet here.

Sorry its your fault hes a drink driving bastard
No fucking way op- he could have killed someone - all his choices last night were his.
No excuse

The comments he made should have been enough for you to walk away. You shouldn’t just ‘let it go’.

You clearly don’t know him. Kind of knowing someone, moving away for a few years then reconnecting doesn’t mean you know.

He is someone you have been seeing for a bit. Not a partner. This isn’t a long term relationship where he has acted completely out of character. You aren’t ready for a relationship if you are even wondering what to do next.

There should be one answer. Never speak to him again.

What do you do ?...... you tell him thanks but no thanks.

You tell him you place a higher value on yourself than to be treated like this....so goodbye

Why are you even considering going to pick him up? Why haven’t you blocked his number and ran a mile. That should be what you’re asking yourself.
the guy made inappropriate comments about women he knows, then drunk drove, then blamed you. Never mind the repercussions for his child (and his ex) if he loses his license. Why is this behaviour you are considering excusing?

You would be stupid to not walk away after this.
You are not responsible for his awful choices.

Get rid of this no-hope loser now.

@Cbarkerxo if going into a relationship with him felt comfortable to you, then after a history of narcissistic relationships that’s your first red flag 🚩

you’re looking for or falling for the same cues as last time.

you need to dump this sorry prick and spend the next 6 months solo, doing The Freedom Programme and understanding that you need to raise the bar and not fall for the same ol’ same ol’

just because you know OF someone doesn’t mean you know what they are like in a relationship

this guy is really wrong for you. Please end it and invest the time learning to like and love yourself