Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How do I cut someone I’ve been dating off when he’s not a issue

83 replies

Lj2024 · 01/05/2024 15:08

So I started dating someone for a few months after splitting with my ex of 5 years.

wasn’t sure if anything was going to come of it (he’s separated from his wife with to 2 DS & living back with parents until material home has sold) however we’d been seeing quite a lot of each other and things moved very quickly but now my ex has come back on the scene and we’ve had lots of talks decided we both want to give it another go and make it work.

question is .. how do I let down this guy I’ve been dating gently?

He is very keen and since meeting my ex and discussing trying to make things work I massively backed off but he still messages asking to see me etc… he is a lovely guy and couldn’t fault a thing he did during the 4 months of dating and I don’t want to hurt him. I’m hesitant to mention the ex as had a big convo about this when we was dating.

any advice?

OP posts:
Getonwitit · 01/05/2024 19:14

When you split from your ex in the next few months, will you regret having dumped this guy and are you sure your ex doesn't want you back because you are seeing someone else and he has a case of the "if i can't have her "?

BlastedPimples · 01/05/2024 19:16

An ex is an ex for a reason.

Trulyme · 01/05/2024 19:48

Just be completely honest.

he is a lovely guy and couldn’t fault a thing he did during the 4 months of dating

Tell him this so he knows he’s done nothing wrong.

Just say what you’ve said on here about how you’re going to give it another shot with your ex and you’re sorry that you wasted his time but that you wouldn’t change it because you had an amazing time with him and couldn’t fault him.

Dery · 01/05/2024 19:53

I agree with @Trulyme. The reason for ending it is your ex. That’s circumstance. If you just say you’re not feeling it or whatever, you’re going to make him feel that he is somehow not good enough. So it seems kinder to tell him what is in fact the truth in any case.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 01/05/2024 20:18

windyweather66 · 01/05/2024 15:13

I know you don't want to mention him as the reason, but if that's the only reason you're calling it quits then you should tell him that, as he may take some small comfort that it wasn't that you've gone off him, but, as you told us, you want to make it work with ex.

I agree. It's much kinder to be honest then to try and just ghost or fade away

savethatkitty · 01/05/2024 20:26

He is an ex for a reason. But you'll discover this again, when it doesn't work out.

Tanyahawkes · 05/05/2024 23:20

Lj2024 · 01/05/2024 16:07

I think you’ve mis read the post. Ive said I’ve had plenty of discussions with the ex, hence we’ve talked, agreed on what needs to change and how we’re going to make it work.

the “big convo” someone asked about was about a discussion I’ve had with the new guy ABOUT my ex. As above obviously I bitched about the ex when the new guy asked me about him, thus why I’m feeling like it’s going to be difficult to say that’s the reason I no longer want to date him.

I wouldn’t call it a break up either as we’re only dating but he’s quite persistent with chatting all the time and meeting up again, to which recently I said I wasn’t available on one day so he’s response was I’ve moved the booking to next week can you make it then.

And no I haven’t met his DS. If I’m honest I didn’t have any desire to

Show quote history

My advice would be to tell the new one that you are sorry but you don’t feel this is going anywhere and would like to stop seeing each other. You don’t owe him any more than that

Mom2K · 05/05/2024 23:39

It’s not entirely the only reason, I didn’t see it going anywhere due to the fact he has “baggage” so to speak - ex wife and kids.

Then why did you start dating a man with an ex wife and children if you weren't looking for it to go anywhere? If you just wanted a casual fling, did you tell him this early on?

It's not very nice to be seeing someone for a few months and not have this kind of conversation. Especially since it sounds like you would have continued seeing him for the time being if your ex didn't come back into the picture.

Anyway...since your intent is to get back with the ex - just rip the bandaid off and tell the new guy and be honest.about your ex. Doesn't really matter what he thinks about it, it is what it is. At least he is less likely to feel like he did something wrong or turned you off knowing thst you're going back to an old flame.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page