How do I cut someone I’ve been dating off when he’s not a issue

[Lj2024]

So I started dating someone for a few months after splitting with my ex of 5 years.

wasn’t sure if anything was going to come of it (he’s separated from his wife with to 2 DS & living back with parents until material home has sold) however we’d been seeing quite a lot of each other and things moved very quickly but now my ex has come back on the scene and we’ve had lots of talks decided we both want to give it another go and make it work.

question is .. how do I let down this guy I’ve been dating gently?

He is very keen and since meeting my ex and discussing trying to make things work I massively backed off but he still messages asking to see me etc… he is a lovely guy and couldn’t fault a thing he did during the 4 months of dating and I don’t want to hurt him. I’m hesitant to mention the ex as had a big convo about this when we was dating.

any advice?

So he was suspicious of your feelings towards your ex?

Contact with your ex? He had reason to believe you were still with your ex?

But he actually turned out to be right? And you are getting back with your ex?

i think you need to be honest. You got involved too quick, before the situation with your ex was fully resolved. Anything that out blame on to him or his situation isn’t fair.

I think you’ve mis read the post. Ive said I’ve had plenty of discussions with the ex, hence we’ve talked, agreed on what needs to change and how we’re going to make it work.

the “big convo” someone asked about was about a discussion I’ve had with the new guy ABOUT my ex. As above obviously I bitched about the ex when the new guy asked me about him, thus why I’m feeling like it’s going to be difficult to say that’s the reason I no longer want to date him.

I wouldn’t call it a break up either as we’re only dating but he’s quite persistent with chatting all the time and meeting up again, to which recently I said I wasn’t available on one day so he’s response was I’ve moved the booking to next week can you make it then.

And no I haven’t met his DS. If I’m honest I didn’t have any desire to

so within a few months you have gone from bitching about your ex in a “big convo” with your boyfriend

to suddenly wanting to be back with him

all very odd

but honestly…. it’s been a few months, he has kids and going through a divorce… he’ll be over any sadness by the weekend

What was the reason you split up with your ex the first time, what is it about the relationship that needs to change, and what makes you think it will work this time?

if you’re honest
i suspect this will add to the ease with which he forgets and moves on!!

just a shame children have already been introduced to this “relationship”

No just quizzed me about why we broke up etc.

me and the ex cut contact after we split - wasn’t chatting at all and I thought I HAD moved on. But then he got in contact and as it happens sometimes, my feelings re surfaced hence the subsequent talks and discussions about getting back together

again, you’ve missed read the post. Who said children have been introduced? I’ve quite clearly stated I had no desire to.

eta. Also it’s not a relationship. I’ve clearly said we were dating.

you have avoided the question

so i presumed

added to which you said you had “moved very quickly”

so why start this thread?!

Youre getting back with you ex (i look forward to the further threads on that)

and he’s got serious shit to deal with namely a divorce, house sale and two children going through their parents splitting up

tell the truth

“the ex i bitched about a few weeks ago? i’m giving it another shot”

and i doubt he will shed a tear

To me "moved very quickly" means "shagged a lot and talked about emotions", not "took the kids to the zoo and he told them I'm going to be their new mummy".

yep

hence why the need for a thread worrying about breaking things off!

At first I thought you were BU.

But then I saw that the new guy has children and is living with his parents. No wonder he's super keen. He's probably teeing you up to be the girlfriendnanny. Do you own your own house by any chance?

Exes are exes for a reason though.

If I were you I'd get rid of them both and find a shiny new one!

@marzipanlover81 please chill. She is just asking advice, like most posts on mumsnet.

I was actually going to start a thread about how everyone is so aggressive on online forums these days. Just relax.

aggressive? good grief

Why all the drama. How do you not know how to end something. Even teens know.
hi John, I just wanted to say that as much as I have had a wonderful time over the last few months, and enjoyed getting to know you, I feel I am not in the right place now for a relationship with you, so want to thank you for everything and wish you well.

if you can’t do the decent thing and be honest and actually tell him on the phone or in person.

Me too.

I hadn’t avoided the question. I answered both questions by explaining what I meant by moving very quickly … not everyone’s timelines are the same. & answered that I hadn’t met his DS before you said it’s a shame children have been introduced.

But then I saw that the new guy has children and is living with his parents. No wonder he's super keen. He's probably teeing you up to be the girlfriendnanny. Do you own your own house by any chance?

I agree with this. Surprised no-one brought it up before - this man was entirely unsuitable for these reasons ie. Still legally married, not settled in his own place and I’m assuming (hopefully) busy helping his kids readjust.

He sounds potentially co-dependent so it’s likely he will be slightly bummed out you’ve slipped away but then quickly move on and find someone else.

Yeah I do own my own house, and several occasions he’s assumed he will be coming over here

@Lj2024 You are the free agent in all of this. Just do what makes you happy!

spot on

So what? You want to get back with your ex. Just do the decent thing and end it.

So what? Huh? I was replying to a question that I got asked ..