Cannot believe I'm here again FFS

[JustAnotherIdiotAgain]

After my divorce 5 years ago I have had some toxic relationships. Met someone 4 months ago and have never been so in love in my life - he is the perfect gentleman, hugely attractive and articulate, identical sense of humour and unfailingly loyal.
But also an alcoholic who hid his drinking from me and has lost his job.
I feel like a complete fucking idiot because I didn't spot how bad things were and can't bring myself to walk away.
I know I won't ever have a connection like this again but I don't know if I can go down this path again in my mid forties. I have had struggles of my own and don't want to get sucked into the ups and downs of life with someone battling for sobriety.
Not much of a post - more a rant/wail that I'm literally shit at picking me and don't know what to do.
Bah.

You don't know him. Not the real him. Even if he had been honest you still wouldn't know him properly at four months in, so all this 'never been so in love' stuff is just the early days infatuation you get with someone you click with.

The reality of living life with someone with an alcohol problem is far from some sort of rosy 'cups of coffee in bed' or a bit 'tired and scatty'. I promise you that.

It's washing vomit covered sheets at 4am while being given a load of abuse and then having to go to work at 7am. It's him turning up pissed to your anniversary dinner and making an arse of himself in the restaurant. It's him spending the money you had saved for a new washing machine on booze. It's cleaning him up at 2am when he's shit himself AND THEN HAVING TO GO TO WORK AT 7AM.

It's early days and you ain't seen nothing yet. You will though, if you stay with him. Don't romanticise this stuff, it will do you no favours, it's disgusting and degrading and embarrassing and really fucking awful. I know it's a disease so don't anybody come for me about that, but it's also a disease for the people around the alcoholic.

Leave him. It will be the best thing you ever do I'm afraid.

I just found out he got fired from work for testing positive for coke! It's over. I'm not taking this mess on no matter what. Thanks for the unanimous advice which I will take.

So an alcoholic and a drug addict...great mix.

Glad you have ended things, this man is definitely not right for you.

You can work on yourself and when you are hapoy with your self and your life you can look for someone then.

4 months?

seriously

op do you or he have children?

Stay single for a good while, focus on YOU and treat yourself well.

Take a year or two off from this dating schizz

if you know you keep making bad choices … stop

🛑

yes it’s going to hurt 😞 but trust me 6 months in you will feel a lot better
and 12 months in even better

thank good news no children involved

did he tell you this?

I wouldn't want any further involvement if I was in your shoes OP. Alcoholism doesn't just affect the alcoholic, it affects everyone around them, and it will effect you.

OP I'm glad you are going to finish it.

Please keep off the dating scene for a while, it sounds like you need to be the most important thing in your life at the moment. Focus on yourself, job, family and friends.

I remember going through a period of dating and it just ground my boundaries down. Then I stayed single for several years purposefully. Got really comfortable in my own skin and company. When I then did meet someone my expectations were really high.

Why be so rude?

Really unnecessary

You have zero idea who this man is deep down

All you know is what hes shown you in FOUR months

Please grow up, take the infatuation from your eyes and find an adult, emotionally mature relationship with yourself

over someone you have known 4 months