Therapy dog

[Itradehorses]

I'm not an animal person. Not at all. I have always thought that I have enough caring obligations without taking on a dog. Has been a red line for me as I would have to train, walk and feed it (trust me that's how it would pan out). Also not keen on Vets bills or the cost of insurance. However, OH secretly entered a free ballot for a fully trained therapy dog from a charity. Didn't expect to win as the odds were poor. Guess what happened next...

OH has now told me about it. We would get a free fully trained pedigree dog for our son with autism and adhd, to help him regulate. It would obviously be with us into adulthood for him, for however long they life (15 years???).

WWYD?

I would separate two considerations.

Can you support having a dog for 10 years? Is someone at home a lot of the time or can you afford dog walking/doggie day care? This is very expensive but dogs can’t be left for a whole day while the family is out at work/school. Are there allergies in the house to consider? Do you travel abroad often? Whatever your particular life looks like, imagine it with a dog in tow.

Separately do the benefits of a support dog for your child outweigh the commitment? I should think yes.

I would take the dog in a heartbeat if the practicalities stack up.

A bit more info gleaned from OH. It's the start of a process that can take up to a year. Apparently there are meetings, visits and training before allocation. So it looks like the ballot was for entry into the process. There is a face to face meeting next week, so it is t sealed. I did see this was only broached last night and I am obviously without all the facts.

It costs over £20,000 to train one.
i am assuming rather than “winning” you’ve just been deemed suitable?

if it’s from the charity I’m thinking of, I cannot begin to describe the difference it will make to your sons life. It will change it. These are not dogs per se, they are tools to help your son live a better life. If you are not on board please please give up that place to someone else who can do the ongoing training etc. these charities are on their knees with demand far out stripping supply.

there are alot of charlatans out there supplying “therapy” dogs, so do ensure your eyes are wide open.

@Itradehorses I am concerned that you've only found out about this now, though. Has your DH won the ballot for the actual dog, or only for the information day? If it's the organisation that I'm thinking of, from your description, the ballot is simply to be allowed to go forward for the information day. After that, you fill in further application forms, then get taken forward for assessment.

The organisation I'm thinking of is very strict about adults being on board, that other children in the household aren't allowed to interact with the dog until the 'key' child has developed a relationship with the dog, that the dog has to have a 'child free zone', etc.

X-posted with you.

We are on our second dog.
My ds was about 10 when we got the first one. He had desperately wanted a dog for years.
It was great for him. He is NT so no special needs, but there is something wonderful about a boy and his dog (and yes I am sure it is the same for a girl, just quoting my own experience). The dog slept in his room, and lay across his lap when he was being teenage and stroppy and gave him cuddles when he wouldn't ask us for a hug.

But we didn't get the dog until I was fully prepared to be the one to look after it. I took on the care and the walking. I did this because I was not prepared to have a dog in the house that wasn't properly trained or exercised, and I was not prepared to have an ongoing battle with my teenagers about dog walking.
A dog is a real bind, and the biggest one is what to do if you are on holiday and can't take the dog, it becomes expensive.

I do think animals are great for kids with ASD. My dd is 16 with ASD and we got her a kitten in the summer, it has been great for her to have her own pet, and fortunately the kitten is happy to be handled and cuddled all the time.

So, yes, a therapy dog is great, but no, because you will end up doing all the dog care, and if that is not a choice for you, then you will resent it.

So all that's happend is he's basically applied to get a therapy dog and this may not actually happen now and if it does it will take years...

That's quite a different story to what he told you this morning??

@Itradehorses if it's the organisation I'm thinking of, they have a very detailed information pack online which walks you through the process you'd be committing to. If you were the main handler, you'd have to do an 8 day training course with the dog, 5 hours per day, and you'd need to undergo assessments to show you can manage the dog.

I think things like dog poo get less of a worry as you desensitise and bond with the dog. But I do think you sound quite averse to the idea of a dog, so I worry that you'll find it all a bit much.

So your DH has entered a ballot and has been selected to attend an information event.

The next step will be to ensure everyone is on board, which you're not. Please don't be forced down this road. If your DH genuinely thought a therapy dog was a good idea why didn't he discuss it with you before entering the ballot?

I'm worried that if you continue your DH is going to see this as you agreeing to a dog. Then if you aren't successful in being selected for a therapy dog, which is likely as you don't actually want a dog. He's going to use the therapy route as an excuse to just get a family pet.

I can't really think how dogs would be beneficial to someone with ADHD... I'm only basing this on myself (ADHD and no other complex needs) but it's hard enough (and boring enough!)to keep my own daily routines on track. Adding another level of drudgery and responsibility on top, only makes everything worse. I thrive when I can follow my own clock and needs, rather than someone elses.
Being a parent to my own child has been constraining and boring enough - I can't imagine maintaining an interest in a dog for over a decade!

I'd say I'm pretty typical of someone with ADHD, and it's also pretty typical to shove a dog in to plug all random holes these days. Unless YOU really want a dog, I'd say definite "no" to this ridiculous idea.

I'm worried that if you continue your DH is going to see this as you agreeing to a dog. Then if you aren't successful in being selected for a therapy dog, which is likely as you don't actually want a dog. He's going to use the therapy route as an excuse to just get a family pet.

I can 100% see that happening. He clearly would like a dog and you obviously don't which is a totally understandable point of view. Agreeing to move forward with this is just signalling to him that he can override all your very sensible problems with having a dog by using DS as a reason. He definitely sounds like the sort who would just go out and get a puppy because DS is upset he's now not getting a dog.

So I'm clear that OH wants a dog. Always has. And yes, this is maybe a route to get it. But it's also for our son, and I'm happy that this is what was forefront of mind. It's not great that it was done in secret. But decision should be for son first and foremost. So I think I'll explore it while communicating reservations to OH. And I'll say no telling DCs unless it's actually happening, and it's not an agreement to a pet if it doesn't pan out.

Dog will be fully trained. My friend rehomed a failed therapy dog and it came with a 43 page binder full of the commands it knew.

Dog poo. Bit like children's nappies, for some reason your own dog's poo is not as stomach churning as any other dog. We feed our dog raw and the poos are smaller, much less smelly and once a day. What comes out is reflective of what goes in.

My son is ASD - now grown up. He is terrified of dogs. We got, with his permission, a puppy. They are each other's favourite being. She looks out for him and he hugs her and plays with her. I wonder if I should have done it sooner but then he was so hard when growing up that I already had too much on my plate.

My advice would be to visit the training centre. They may have doggo ready to go immediately or maybe doggo in training ready in a few months/years time that is trained for your son's specific needs.

Looking after a dog. Hmmm, the two biggest things for me are the tie - you just can't go places like you would on your own but you are already tied with kids so perhaps that is better and easier to reconcile. Second is the mud and if you are a complete neat clean freak that is very hard (I am not but my house gets so dirty after the endless rain).

I would do your research without children at first. Then your decision can be informed.

Good luck.

@Itradehorses do your own research about raw feeding. There is no scientific evidence that it is any better for the dog, and is mainly Internet sensation. A proper complete diet should also produce small, non smelly poo.

The only significant science around raw proves that the risk of cross contamination to humans of thinks like e.coli and campylobacter are significantly higher.

I switched my dog away from raw due to that latter point, and can attest that, with a proper complete food, poo is actually better with 'normal' food than it was with raw.

@HappiestSleeping @KathieFerrars thank you.

And I'll say no telling DCs unless it's actually happening, and it's not an agreement to a pet if it doesn't pan out.

You won't be able to hide it from the DC. The charity will need to ensure everyone is on board with having the therapy dog in the home, especially DS. You can't wait until you've been matched with a dog then reveal it, DS will be part of the process as the dog needs to be suitable for him and his needs.

So dog poo depends on your opinion of it. As a fully trained dog, it will only happen on a walk and, as you live in the country, shouldn't be too hard to deal with.
The hair - depends on the breed, some shed, some don't, some have shorter easier to deal with hair. The smell, that is individual, some don't much, depends on breed again. Can get all sorts of pamper stuff that makes them smell better, plug-ins for the home and carpet fresheners. Not sure if I'm noseblind to mine now, but only aware of his odour when he's wet. However, if my son's GF dog is here, I can smell her immediatley, she is quite strong for some reason - you could suss this when you meet the dog.

😂

If this dog would be life changing for your son, then you must go ahead with it.
Once you see the bond between the two developing, you'll fall in love with the dog.
As long as you can afford the regular and unexpected dog related expenses, I see no reason why you wouldn't jump at the chance. All the other practical considerations will fall into place.
You have a don who will benefit from having this dog.
You have the space for a dog.
I can't imagine your DH wouldn't help out with the dog in practical terms.
You will both make time for the dog.

This is more than a typical pet dog. It's a great benefit for your son. Therefore you'll do everything possible to make sure your son can use this opportunity.

I've never heard of being able to win a therapy dog 🤔

Are you sure he didn't put his name down on a waiting list?

If your husband and 3 children want one then I'd make it VERY clear that they take FULL responsibility for it and I mean full responsibility.

I'd be very surprised if you didn't come to love him/her too.

It is winning the chance to get a therapy dog, not winning the dog. The OP said so further up the thread.

I agree with this. The assessment process to qualify for one of these special dogs is very extensive, and the charity want to know they are homing it with the right person - it's not like getting a few fish.
A therapy dog can do wonders for ND children and adults. But you would also need to be sure that your son could care for the dog alone if he is in the position to move out and live independently (e.g.university) during the dog's lifetime (not sure if that will ever be possible in your case).

It's been established that the ballot was just to be invited to hear more information.

I do think animals are great for kids with ASD.

Maybe so but I'm not convinced the animals always benefit. Animals like predictability and calmness and tend to absorb the stress around them. I'm not entirely comfortable with animals being used in this way.

"I would have to train it, walk it and feed it"

And that's your answer right there. Do you want this dog? Because it will be your dog by the sound of it. If you don't want a dog, do not do it... unless your partner & kids agree to step up and take on 95% of the responsibility. They applied for the competition, not you. They want the dog, it doesn't sound like you do. You would also have to stand firm that if they do not honour their obligation to their dog over time, you will give it to someone who needs/wants it more.