Therapy dog

[Itradehorses]

I'm not an animal person. Not at all. I have always thought that I have enough caring obligations without taking on a dog. Has been a red line for me as I would have to train, walk and feed it (trust me that's how it would pan out). Also not keen on Vets bills or the cost of insurance. However, OH secretly entered a free ballot for a fully trained therapy dog from a charity. Didn't expect to win as the odds were poor. Guess what happened next...

OH has now told me about it. We would get a free fully trained pedigree dog for our son with autism and adhd, to help him regulate. It would obviously be with us into adulthood for him, for however long they life (15 years???).

WWYD?

@Dontbeme maybe my OH is having an affair too. I'll ask tonight, at the same time as I ask why there's no money left in our joint account and a stack of betting slips hidden in the garage 😂.

I don't normally come on the relationships board, so try not to make it about that. That's peculiar in itself.

I clicked on this thread because of the word DOG in the title and imagine a lot of other posters will do so too.

If this is the case surely OP would have to know about the application?

If you have to be assessed before entering the ballot a family wouldn't be selected without rigorous checks.

What charity is that @DeleteIfNotAloud ? The thing is here that the applicant hasn't been assessed - one of the adults in the house didn't even know about it. She doesn't even know how long dogs live or what type of dog will be arriving.

@Whinge sorry, cross posted with everything you just said.

It. Is. Not. A. Raffle.

I just wanted advice about therapy dogs...

To knock a few points over. We have a big house, access to countryside, room for a dog inside and out, the funds to keep it in rude health, well fed and comfortably accommodated.

The charity is legit. We have a child with qualifying disabilities and it would be for him if I set my reservations to one side.

The thread had gone a bit sideways though.

I agree with others I'm not a naturally suspicious person but this whole thing sounds so beyond realistic that I find it hard to believe that it's a proper charity.

In answer to your question no you shouldn't get a dog that you don't want, does your child even want a dog? The fact this charity are potentially going to hand over a dog you've never met to a family where only one person actually wanted it is the very least of the issues here.

Threads have a habit of going sideways on MN 🤦‍♂️

We have a big house, access to countryside, room for a dog inside and out, the funds to keep it in rude health, well fed and comfortably accommodated.

But you don't want a dog. Your son isn't going to be the one walking, feeding, insuring the dog, or visiting the vets, cleaning up poo, paying for grooming, medicine, food etc.

You say the charity is legit, but they've accepted an application from your family without actually checking that everyone is on board, that's a big red flag.

@HappiestSleeping I know. I'm not taking it seriously. Your opening comment was very helpful.

To specifically answer the question WWYD.

I would not get a dog I didn't want, that would almost certainly be entirely my responsibility in terms of care, training and that I don't want to pay to insure, feed and pay vets bills for.

I wouldn't want to bring a creature into my home, that would be 100% dependent on me when I already had a raft of other responsibilities .

If I were not a dog person, don't know anything about them from even the most basic thing i.e. how long do they live, and not having a dog had been a red line for me I would not get a dog.

I'd be researching the actual needs of the dog and how it would impact on my family, homelife, working life.

I'd be researching what the exact benefits of a therapy dog would be for my son, how that would work and if those benefits outweighed the negatives on the family as a whole.

I would be asking myself if I could love a dog and do all I needed for it for the entire duration of its life, for 10 or more years out of my own life.

I'd be wondering how I could schedule in all the care and two good walks a day for the dog.

I'd be considering if my son likes dogs and does he have any fears/allergies etc that might make this a problem.

I would be wondering why my OH had done this without speaking to me.

I would be wondering how he had come about this dog as his story is incredible. I'd be thinking had he got some stolen dog off of man in a pub, and was bringing home a whole lot of trouble for me.

https://www.dogsforgood.org/how-we-help/assistance-dog/assistance-dogs-children/
If it's this charity, yes they hold a ballot, but the eligibility criteria is quite strict and you have to attend an information session in person prior to application, so it's very strange that your DH has just presented you with the fact you've been allocated a dog.

Whatever the case DO NOT GET A DOG UNLESS YOU ARE 100% ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT OWNING ONE!

I would be wondering how he had come about this dog as his story is incredible. I'd be thinking had he got some stolen dog off of man in a pub, and was bringing home a whole lot of trouble for me

I wouldn't go to the fact he stole it but I certainly would be wondering if this was a sneaky way of him getting his own way and getting a dog. Especially if he'd always wanted one which seems likely given you've had chats about it being a red line. I would anticipate this was just a a story he invented to get round your red line and you'll end up with a poorly trained dog from a backyard breeder or someone his mate knows. I mean let's be realistic here he's not exactly an honest person ... So why believe the story he's telling you?

@Itradehorses I know that AD organisations sometimes open ballots for dogs as they train them. They often allocate a region, then their rationale is that any one of their applicants (after the application process) are just as worthy of the dog than any other, and they're never going to get to the end of a list, so they will ballot it.

This is a hard one. I'll be honest, we have a Labrador puppy who is amazing, and we are training her through an organisation to be an assistance dog. It's full on. The training never stops. This 'fully trained' dog you get - it isn't the ending, it's the beginning. You still need to put in all the work to maintain the standard and to meet the dogs needs.

I know what a benefit our (9 month old) puppy is to DD2. I just think you need to think really carefully if you can cope with having a dog. It would be such a shame to take that away from another family if you can't.

My concern would be that you didn't even know anything about this let alone be on board with the idea of getting a therapy dog.

They've offered you a dog without meeting the family, checking you're all on board or checking the home environment. I take it they're not aware that you don't particularly like animals. It all seems a bit odd to me.

This is a disaster waiting to happen. Declining the offer would probably be the best decision for you and the dog I think.

@Lougle thanks that's helpful.

Basically, behind your back, your DH properly applied to get a therapy dog for your DS. He entered the ballot system they use to decide who gets the dog, and he didn't win as such, more got chosen to be the family who would receive the dog.

It is worth it, for the sake of your son, to consider, or solve the reservations you have. Perhaps it would be useful for you to say what those reservations are, so dog owners can dispel or validate your fears as appropriate?
I am a goldendoodle owner, and first time dog owner, they are often used as therapy dogs. Had him from a pup, could of been better trained by myself - its a learning curve- but on the whole he has been brilliant, love him to bits, and get so much love back from him. A ready trained one would be amazing as all the hard work is done.
Make sure you know your DS doesn't have any allergies to dogs prior. My DS wanted the dog originally, and looking back he was a snotty child and has moaned on and off of non-descript nasal issues - nothing drastic, more annoying. We had a cat when he was little and he's noticed that he's fine when on holiday. Sussed that he is allergic to pets - even worse with rabbits, just as well they died before he was born 😂

I would say absolute not. A therapy dog is not a pet. You would be taking the chance from someone who needs this support and turning this dog into a family pet instead. I would keep saying no.

@Opentooffers I'm worried about the smell, hair and cleaning up dog poo for the next 15 years.

@SD1978 if it was just a pet, that would be the end of it. A hard pass. But it's a therapy dog for my son. I'd be preventing him from having something therapeutic for his disabilities. It's the only reason why I'm considering putting my own feelings to one side.

Yes, its odd.
I know someone who had a therapy dog as she was hearing impaired. She had to jump through all sorts of hoops to get it.
I doubt a reputable charity would hand over a dog like that as a prize

Charities who train and provide service dogs put thousands of pounds and hours of time behind each one. The support pre-placing and then lifetime support once with their partner is outstanding. You will need this - even experienced dog owners need this. My biggest worry is that this charity has NOT completed its due diligence on your family and therefore its post placement support will be limited or none. You will be on your own.

But will it actually benefit your son? How can you know it will if you've no idea what training the dog has, how your son reacts around dogs, how the dog behaves... Heck you don't even know what breed it is?

Like I said above it sounds like a very convenient story from your DH to get his way and have a dog...

Ok, its not a raffle as such thank you for clarifying.
I still doubt its legit as how would a reputable charity even consider an application without lots of pre checks. I think you would have noticed if they had visited you at home
IF you have only "won" a chance to be considered subject to these checks then you have a long way to go yet and I hope nobody has told your DS he is getting a dog