Found a picture

[Oghno]

Please don't judge me for snooping, I just need to vent as I'm so confused and upset

I had a spidey sense about my dps friendship with a woman friend and followed through, and looked at my dps phone. There was a naked photo of this woman on there with a jokey message then they both carried on normal conversation about watching a TV show together. I was blindsided as I didn't think I'd see that and now almost regret doing it.

Is it better or worse that there was no sexual talk after that or is it worse as she obviously felt comfortable doing that in the first place?

My head is a mess

So have you actually confronted your Dp?
Unfortunately it's obvious they have a sexual relationship and watching TV programmes together is a euphemism for sexual hook ups.
Having seen what you've seen I don't think I could keep quiet.
There isn't really any innocent explanation for a "friend" sending such a photo and the casual way it was done shows how normal it is in their relationship.

Isn't this a bit of a weird question?
Surely sending a naked photo to someone who is in a monogamous relationship is not acceptable? Fullstop.
Are you implying there are acceptable naked photos and unacceptable naked photos? If so can you explain the difference?

Calm down

Sorry. I just genuinely didn't see why it mattered what type of photo it was.

It wasn't from naked attraction TV was it?

No, it was a photo taken by her at home (I think)

Yes, naked is naked but I guess a pp maybe thought if bits were obscured but no, can see everything and I really wish I hadn't

People who are friends don't send naked photos.
If they did you'd expect the recipient to be shocked at the very least, unless there's more to it.
Imo that's not the first time your oh had seen her naked.
Basically they're closer than they're letting on, they're in some sort of sexual relationship.
Ask yourself this op, when's the last time you sent a naked photo of yourself to a friend?
Or,
When's the last time one of your friends sent you a naked photo?
You're kidding yourself trying to conjure up a legitimate reason, save yourself a load of heartache and dump his cheating arse.
I am sorry that you're going through this, it must be devastating for you ❤️

@Oghno, it sounds like they have a FWB situation. It’s certainly not platonic. Nude photos are being sent and they visit each others’ homes, so they must have a sexual relationship.

You need to bin this faithless guy and then, I’m sorry to say, get an STD test.

What the hell? They watch TV together, message each other and she has sent him a naked photo which he has not deleted. I can't imagine that was the first photo or the first time he's seen her naked.

Basically they are acting like boyfriend and girlfriend.

Why are you putting up with this?

Of course there is something inappropriate going on! It’s bizarre it’s even up for debate!

I would go in to his phone again, take a screenshot of the picture, set it as his screen saver / Home Screen and then say NOTHING.

I tried to look at his phone again today and saw a message from him about building furniture for her last time he was there and saying something about how attractive she is. Wtf. I still haven't said anything as I need to figure out what I want before bringing him into it

What else do you need to figure out? This man is being unfaithful. Leave.

It's more complicated for me than just leaving

It’s painfully obvious that they’re having a sexual affair op… and an emotional one too, it’s not just physical given the context. If you chose to stay with him knowing this, that’s your call but it’ll destroy you.

OP, as hard as the thought of leaving is & it's often not simple I'd really encourage you to start getting yourself ready or at least thinking about it as there's a real chance he may leave you. If he has already shared intimate photos, and finds her attractive and is continuing to see her and message her regularly he has feeling for this woman. The choice maybe taken out of your hands. I really hope you are ok & do keep posting here for support and advice xx

I'm not sure what you mean by "figure out what you want"... surely what you want isn't to stay in a relationship with a man who sleeps with other women?

I have no actual evidence he's actually slept with her other than posters on here saying it.

I appreciate the kind comments. What I mean by complicated is that it's not as straightforward as me upping and leaving, we have a house, dc, our lives are tied together with various financial strings too. I need to figure out what I want as an outcome and be certain in that big decision before talking to him

Oh c'mon op.

It's as clear as day that they're at it.

Wake up.

Thanks. There's no need to be cruel

It’s not easy, I appreciate that, but don’t do yourself a disservice here op. You don’t need to actually see them having sex to know, beyond reasonable doubt, that they are having sex. You don’t send a fully naked photo to a man you see in private on a regular basis, and with whom you have discussions about how much he fancies you, unless you’re in a physical relationship. Don’t lie to yourself, he’s doing it enough for the both of you.

I know you may be In shock but why would you ever consider staying with someone who thinks it’s acceptable to having this type of relationship with another person?

if you stay you will be settling and accepting that you life will be filled with lies, disappointment and betrayal.

speak to women’s aid or a charity about how to get yourself sorted financially to leave and go.

Crikey, I wouldn't be happy if my husband went around to another woman's house to watch tv and films together, I wouldn't be happy if he went around to build her flat pack furniture either. Let alone the naked photo. He sounds like he's been at it for a long time. Each time pushing the bounderies a little bit more.

The furniture and TV would be a deal breaker for you?

Just seen your update OP and read through your previous posts. As far as I can see you haven't mentioned how long your DP has known this woman - was she a friend of his from before you two got together? Or has she come into his life recently?

I know this is really upsetting for you but whereas the original information suggested a sexual relationship and the "watching TV together" was the excuse to enable him to go round there for sex your latest updates indicate it is more than just the sex. If he is going round there building furniture for her - I assume he hadn't mentioned that to you- they are behaving like a couple. What on earth else is he doing for her when he goes round there? And then the added upset of him saying he finds her so attractive.

Not wanting to be cruel at all but I agree with the pp who suggested it could be very likely he may leave you for her. And I also agree you should start getting your affairs in order to see exactly where you stand financially.

Even if he doesn't leave you I really don't see how you could stay in a relationship where your DP is obviously emotionally invested in another woman and is having sex with her.