Found a picture

[Oghno]

Please don't judge me for snooping, I just need to vent as I'm so confused and upset

I had a spidey sense about my dps friendship with a woman friend and followed through, and looked at my dps phone. There was a naked photo of this woman on there with a jokey message then they both carried on normal conversation about watching a TV show together. I was blindsided as I didn't think I'd see that and now almost regret doing it.

Is it better or worse that there was no sexual talk after that or is it worse as she obviously felt comfortable doing that in the first place?

My head is a mess

He possibly deleted his following messages about it but didn't delete her actual photo as he wanted to keep that? He wasn't "mortified" at all or he wouldn't have carried on entertaining her. She's clearly done this for a while, you don't randomly send a friend a naked picture in the middle of a conversation. Don't say anything yet, keep an eye and see what else you find. Was it on what's app?

Do you think maybe she's 'fishing' for attention from him and he's not interested?

I think you need to ask him about it (their relationship) and see what his reaction is.

It's weird. I think he must've deleted the messages after this and before they talked about the tv show.

Also I'm not sure from your original post. Do they actually sit and watch tv together IRL?

The jokey message/nude was related to the tv show sort of, I don't want to go into too much detail of that just in case but still, completely naked. Yes it was on WhatsApp

I don't know, I just feel a bit shocked by it full stop at the moment. Logical me says if he wasn't interested you'd at least ask wtf she was doing, not just carry on talking

If I were you I would have to bring it up with him.

Yeah, he said they've started watching a TV show together but big gaps in between as he doesn't go over to hers or vice versa that often. I know he's watched films with her but that's never bothered me as that's a friend thing to do

Yes me too. I couldn't just not say anything.
Have you not confronted him?

He may get defensive about the snooping but he has a lot more he needs to answer to!

It seems that watching TV isn't the only thing they do when he goes over, if she is so comfortable sending him completely naked picture.

I wouldn't do that with a 'friend' only someone I was flirting with (ie flirting together) or someone I had already been intimate with

This sounds rubbish. Sorry that you're going through it.

Thank you

@Oghno I'm so sorry.
I agree with other posters that it's all about how you feel - but putting that to one side - what would I do in your position?
Go absolutely apocalyptic..... Your partner of 5 years is chatting to a female - who is sending him naked pictures..... Chances are, by now, I would have absolutely lost my shit, kicked him out and started planning a future without him.
Yes, he's cheating - someone in a committed relationship doesn't do this.

And no, he's not embarrassed.... he's a cheating twat.

Turn it around - how would he feel if you were regularly chatting to a male friend, who was sending you dick pics??

for you & I hope you find the strength to raise your relationship standards moving forward x

So they've clearly been sleeping together. Probably for quite some time judging by the casual nature of the picture sending.

Sorry but, it would be over for me.

How do you know it's a picture of her? Have you seen her yourself? Could it be a picture of someone off the TV show they are talking about??

Yes, I've met her and it was clearly her,definitely not a screen grab off the show. I don't know any completely naked shows unless it was porn but I do genuinely appreciate you also trying to find a way for it to be less awful

It'd be a deal breaker for me.

Get photos of the message, don't let him gaslight you

His TV watching is really a hookup with her and I think you know that. What are you going to do?

Well I don't send nude photos of myself to my male friends and my husbands female friends don't send nudes to him.

This "friendship" has crossed into affair territory.

When you say naked, was it full frontal naked? What was she doing in the photo? What was said by her before/after sending it?

I really don't think that's the case. That might sound naive but I've spoken to him while he's there as has his mum and I don't think that's the case

Yes, full frontal naked holding a prop to make him laugh, the message said. It was like they'd talked about this 'joke' before and then afterwards it was just talking about the TV show and him telling her he'd had a hair cut and her saying something about work. Surreal for me

I've got my guard up about one of my dp's female friend's too, clearly you already had doubts before the nude photo
Honestly if I'd found a naked photo of dp's female friend on his phone I'd absolutely hit the fucking roof and he wouldn't be my dp anymore
I'd be bloody mortified if ANY of my friends , male or female sent me a nude , can't imagine in what context it would be acceptable

I’d be tempted to wind him up and wait until you’re about to have a shower and you’re fully naked then say to DP “I might take a quick pic of myself and send to (insert a male friend’s name here) you won’t mind, will you?” Then jump in the shower like normal and let him shit himself 🙃
On a more serious note, I’m sorry for your situation OP, this is shit. I hope you get to the bottom of what’s going on x