Chatting with my mum this weekend on the phone only for her to break down in tears telling me she doesn't know what to do anymore.
She moved away 12 years ago after meeting someone new. They had only been dating around 18 months at the time. He lived in Scotland (we were in England) around 3 hours away. They decided she should move to Scotland as she had adult children at the time (mid twenties) and his children were teenagers so it made sense that she could move.
Then, 10 years ago her now husband had a major stroke. He has recovered incredibly well considering but has not worked since and would admittedly find work difficult with his symptoms. However he now has severe anxiety and barely leaves the house. My mum has hardly seen any of Scotland in the 10 years she has been there as a result and he refuses to go on holiday anywhere at all. My mum has always been an explorer before this, loved her holidays. Although he will go on fishing weekends now and then with his neighbour but still doesn't go anywhere with her, preferring to sit at home together.
Also, in the last 12 years, my siblings and I have had children. My mum now has 5 grandchildren which she didn't have before and she has admitted to me that she feels she's missing out on them being in Scotland and only seeing them around once a month. She has asked him to consider moving to England with her now that she has grandchildren and his children are now in their 20s and childfree and he has said no, that he will never move away from his own grown up kids.
Mum is early 60s and still working FT due to her partners stroke and is the sole earner but doesn't really have a life as her husband won't travel and she misses her grandchildren. He never comes to visit with her when she visits us. Her husband also now has 2 cats so we can no longer visit them either as I'm allergic to them.
Mum feels trapped and like life is passing her by and that she's missing out on so much back home. She is missing out on a lot. We can't even go and stay with her. Yet she has a job and life in Scotland now. They are mortgage free. Her husband relies on her, adores her, constantly very affectionate towards her. They get on very well so she feels extremely torn as he doesn't make her unhappy aside from refusing to actually do anything with life!
If she moved back here she would have to rent or move in with my elderly grandfather and she told me she would miss her husband terribly although wants much more from life too. I know she would find it extremely difficult living with my grandfather. His house is also tiny and he's a hoarder so I'm not sure how there would be room for her. Mum has a property here which she owns partly but the sale of the property can only be forced through courts which she says she can not afford. She also thinks that getting a new job in her field at her age would be very difficult and she can't afford to retire yet either.
It was sad hearing how trapped and confused she feels. I'd love for her to come back home to England, but I don't think she would ever leave her husband. Yet, he is holding her back from living an abundant, enjoyable life.
She says she can't keep driving up and down the motorway forever as she's getting older etc.
What should she do?