Been with DP for 3 years, he’s been living with me and my DD for 1.5 years.
He’s a lovely guy, very kind and treats me and my DD really well, I feel lucky to have met him. But there are some things which I’ve been thinking about lately which makes me wonder if we’re not right for each other:
- he lived at home with his parents until he was 36, his mum mollycoddled him. As a result he’s not very independent and he’s sometime naive in a childlike / teenager way. I’m the opposite to this, which makes me feel like I have more of the masculine energy in the relationship, it makes me feel like I’m his mum sometimes which is off putting.
- We have different priorities, he’s an easy going simple guy. Before he moved in with me his entire life was within a 1 mile radius, his parents home (where he lived), his work, his socialising with friends, his golf club, his football team- he was very content with this and his annual holiday abroad. Whereas I’ve moved abroad with work twice, I love travelling and always have the next adventure booked, I love seeing different cultures, going to different UK cities, I’m not much of a ‘home bird’, I like to have plans and things to look forward, whereas he’s just not bothered, but equally will go along with it all for my sake, which is kind of fine, but I want him to be doing it because he wants, whereas in reality he’d be happier back in the home town, going to the local spoons for an hour on a Saturday evening.
- We have different long term goals in life, I’m career driven and dream of early retirement and I’m doing everything I can to set myself up for that (paid off mortgage, good pension, no debt etc..) yet he is in a low income job, doesn’t own a property, doesn’t put much into a pension - while I’d like to retire late 50s and travel / move abroad or whatever, he won’t be in a position to do this. When I bring this up he thinks it’s a silly topic to get caught up on as we’re only 37/38 now.
- we bicker about small things a lot, the bickering doesn’t turn into big arguments or get in the way of us having a nice time together, but it can be draining and demonstrates that we fundamentally we have different points of view on a lot of topics.
What would you do? Keep this wonderful guy and accept that we’re different, I guess lots of couples have big differences? Or let him go so that both he and I can meet someone who we’re each more compatible with.
So not to drip feed, we don’t have any combined finances / assets that would cause a break up to get messy.