Keep Flirting A LOT when i go out

[flirty]

It's happening more and more.
And goes just a lttle bit too far each time.

I love my dh and am happy. I'm happy with my family and my life.

I go out with my girlfriends (every few weeks. Its been more since nov when my friend's dd and my dd got older and were sleeping better) and when I do I just always end up talking to good looking blokes. They come up to me or i go over to them. Not always alone, with my friends too.

I can only think i do this because i miss feeling sexy and fanciable to strangers. I used to love 'going out on the pull' when i was younger and not trying to sound big headed, never was without male attention.

Now I'm a mum and married I just feel like nobody will ever make me feel desirable in the same way again.

dh does fancy me and tells me a lot. He's affectionate to. Great dad, and friend. I do fancy him. But its a different feeling when i'm out and its a stranger.

I also have issues with my self esteem. Never think i'm pretty enough or attractive enough.
But thats odd too as I have loads of confidence generally and everyone would say i'm outgoing , chatty and confident. I am i suppose, as i go over to these guys and never think they wont fancy me. But I think I must do this to make me feel attractive, i.e, 'I must be nice as I know you want me' etc.

Not sure why i'm posting. Just wondered what you thought.

Been thinking about this a lot recently.

Ok going to bed. I'll look in the morning.

thanks so much everyone. i really appreciate the time and thought you have put into answering me.

if he would consider it cheating and you do it it is cheating

I think it is possible that you and your DH would benefit from checking out a few swingers' clubs - there is no obligation to have sex with anyone else but you can flirt safely: quite a few couples I have met on the scene never actually have sex with anyone other than their own partners but really enjoy the sexy atmosphers.
But talk it through first and agree your ground rules before you go. Most important one of which is: if it doesn;t work out you don't blame each other.

Madamez, what actually happens at a swingers club? What is it like? Is it like a cafe, bar, or restaurant that anybody can come, or must you be a member? What is the protocol, can you just have sex then and there, are do you retreat into "bedrooms"?

My dp and I hv been t a fab one in Paris. It was like a normal club but there was one cave where the whole action started. We watched and touched each other for a while and then did it there and then. I got stroked by a few people and so did he, just the arm or leg or hand but I pulled away and just wanted to watch. Really great environment, nice people and absolutely felt my dp and I were in our own little bubble...with a view ;-)

QS, anyone could come. You paid a fee, like 100 Euro together and could have dinner there (as we did), really yummy sexy fod and watched a cabaret show (the French like their teasing) and then went downstairs for a drink. It was all nice and cosy. Check out Les Chandelles: www.les-chandelles.com/photos.html

Is everybody absolutely gorgeous?
That place looks lush.

QS: well, clubs do vary, some are huge places with dancefloors, swimming pools, jacuzzis,some are just like little nightclubs and some go on in private houses. THe rules vary from place to place with regard to what you wear, whether you have to be dressed/undressed in certain areas etc. SOme clubs have designated no-bonking areas for people just to chat, many have bedrooms with lockable doors if you want to be private. ALL of them have rules about not just pestering or groping other people uninvited. As to membership, pretty much all the clubs expect you to take out membership when you first visit (this is to do with not getting into legal trouble) and usually they like you to make contact via phone or email first.

And it is couples only. Man woman couples?

Sorry, let me elaborate. I dont think my dh would be too impressed with witnessing any man on man passion....So what are the policies regards to this?

This is getting interesting

QS: most swing clubs are for heterosexual couples, though there is a fair bit of girl-on-girl flirting in most places ( a lot of UK clubs have a couples-and-single-women admissions policy, the slight political dubiousness of which I have been known to rant about). Some swinging men are a bit bi-curious, more so than they used to be, but not all of them - as with anything, it's considered polite to discuss it first.
Some clubs have more mixed nights and do fetish nights (where you may get some gay couples) and I have known one or two that have occasional bisexuals' nights where it is sort of expected that the men be at least not hostile to play with other men (usual rules of not having to do anything you don't fancy apply, of course).
There are two or three reasonable websites which carry lists of clubs, it is worth checking out a club's own site before going along so you can get some idea of what to expect (and what nights offer what type of entertainment). Whereabouts, roughly, in the country are you?

I was in London. Now I have moved to Norway.

Les Chandelles was hetero, but you don't have to come as a couple on some nights wheras other nights are for couples only.

People were courteous, yes, there were private hide-aways for intimate play but the cave was great, really beautifully decorated, very very soft, very tiny lights, with dark patches. People were from all age groups, really nice mix. Take your dh to Paris for the filthy WE and book dinner there etc. Or just go for drinks, they speak English and you can phone in advance and ask what's on.

Have fun!

Hmm Norway is out of my research zone, sorry (have never even been there on holiday) There are nice places in Holland, certainly and loads in England (and Scotland and Wales).

The Danes are a pretty laid back country on this. Massage spas, etc. I lived in Copenhagen for a while. Don't know 'bout Norge. Sry.

nothing wrong with being a little bit flirtatious. i do it without even meaning to!

Norway is very pious, at least the far north were I am. But maybe I will be surprised....

I would be more surprised if I could sell my dh the idea.

Flirty - I would be careful..because not all guys are nice and understanding and you might find one getting aggressive and nasty if you reject him after talking to him all night. That would be my concern. Have known many guys who would get angry at a woman for being a "tease". I think you are playing with fire....

My rule is:
Anything that I feel I cannot tell my wife is crossing the boundaries.

Would that work for you and your dh, flirty?
I sense that you feel guilty for in some ways betraying him
but flirting is not neccessarily cheating

• betrayal is about lying/keeping secrets.

And one more thing:
You're not that geeky teenager you used to be anymore.
You're a babe. Your husband knows it and so do the chaps you meet.
It's time you accepted that as well and moved on.
Might help to broaden your horizon and find other things that give you pleasure and affirm your self-worth.

Hi flirty,

you sound as if you're still reeling from being an 'ugly duckling' in your early teenage years. But TBH, haven't we all (at least myself) been there? That the boy you fancy thinks you're a bit of a geek and too young, etc. I think DaddyJ has a good point saying that you're not a geeky teen anymore but have grown into a fine young woman...alas...with the self-esteem of a duckling. You need t learn how to appreciate yourself because your need for attention seems to stem from a constant need of being admired, told how hot n fab you are. Try to fucos on other traits of your persona, such as how well you look after the kids, how funny or outgoing you are, how you can easily make contact with people and try turning these skills into something that will give you the recognition you crave for.

If you're top at netball or enjoy being with kids, why don't you sign yourself up for assistant teacher in netball at your kids' school? If you like to sing or paint, why not join a group of weekly meetings where you can dazzle and shine for being more than just a pretty face? You'll get the respect that you crave when you learn to grow a personality. You seem to be a 'marketing persona' where your self-worth depends on other people's perceptions of you which is unhealthy and emotionally damaging.

It's time to get your self-esteem and self-respect up girl. You're my age, you've got the whole life ahead of you! Be more than a pretty flirty airhead. Be a real woman with a personality!! You have it in you, just show it.

what a truly lovely post, Alex808!

The Relate guides are great - how about this one for 3 quid! Money well spent in my opinion. Self esteem and realtionships

Hi everyone,

You are really making me feel better. Still feel guilty though. Guilty for things I've done/ nearly done and guilty for liking the feeling when I'm doing it(flirting).

Its true what you say about feeling like I used too when I was younger. Even though I know I've changed. Not as much as I'd like to tho. I can't shake it. I make the best of myself and know I'm not really ugly but still feel inadequate.

On the doing something for me front, I am actually.

I have (very recently) started a business with my friend. Doing something with children. Its what i'm qualified to do. And people always say I'm good at it and it really suits us. We'll have to see how it goes. Hopefully it will be succesfull, could be a flop.

Maybe that will help my self esteem.

Mt I'll look at that . I've got to pop out. back soon.