Am I being nuts???

[enraged]

This morning DH told me that his sister was going to send him a photo he and her partner took of Ds yesterday at the beach. I emailed her and told her just to send it to my email as she aleady had that one.

Then I asked DH why she just didn't send it to mine anyway. His sis has a hostory of being petty and a bit nuts about small imagined slights but seemed to be really getting over this recently.

DH thought I was insluting her and called me "nuts" and stormed out.

Now I am not upset in the slightest about his sister. I just thought it strange why she didn;t send them to me automatically but my inquiry about this send DH off the deep end.

His reaction has however pissed me off a great deal. We have gone though a lot of problems in the last year and were just getting back on an even keel and I was beginning to think I could trust him to put us first again - this, however small - has made me doubt this.

And I was fu*king furious when he called me "nuts" - it't not something I'd say top anyone I was trying to communicate postivly with.

So am I nuts?

Nuts is an unkind word to use, ever.

But why would you mind about your DH's sister sending a picture via email to him? He is her sibling. You are not. Presumably she thought he would just forward it to you, or store it with your other pictures, or whatever?

Uhm, no. Why did he react so intensely?

Does he have a temper? There's a German saying: Only bitten dogs yelp.

He called you nuts, you called her nuts.
Tit for tat.

Well if your DH took the photo along with his sisters partner then it seems reasonable for his sister to send it to him rsther than to you tbh.
I wouldnt say you were 'nuts' but its not something I would have questioned personally. Depends how you worded it as to whether your DHs reaction was ott....

What exactly is the issue here? Do you insist on monitoring every communication your partner has (presumably in case he ever has the tiniest hint of an unmonogamous thought)? Because if so, that's a really gruesomely toxic way to live and will lead to endless silly rows about fuck all, which is what it sounds like you are having.

You say that you and your partner have had issues in the past, and I don;t know what they are, but if it was a case of him having sex with someone else then I can perhaps understand why you want to monitor his communication, but I will say it again: this is toxic. Either accept that he will remain monogamous in future, or accept that the relationship is over because he doesn;t intend to remain monogamous- you cannot make someone stay in a monogamous relationship no matter how much you spy, snoop and threaten - and if the other person wants to stay with you initially, they will leave in the end because no one can stand being spied on and punished indefinitely.

But you are rowing about his sister. Were the issues you mention about you wanting him to spend less time with his family? It could be that he puts you second to his family, of course - but it could also be that you are a spoilt brat who insists that your partner's every thought revolves around you. Impossible to judge, really.

NQC - I don't mind. Itis just why go to the lengths to do that (and get it wrong as we didn';t receive the photo) when she had my email address anyway. I just thought it was a bit odd. Why make a big deal out of not sending his parents a photo of their child? IYSWIM?

Alexa - not a temper - but has a habit of jumoping to the wrong conclusion

Devil - I didn't call her nuts. He has called her nuts on many occasions though. I did call her nuts above though.

NTAS, i didn't word the email badly - I wans't pissed off with her - just thought it a bit odd.

But, now DH has kicked off about this, I really don't want DS to be used in any way to express dislike of me or wheover. I get on with the rest of his family really really well and had thought I was getting on better with this sister, who just to be truthful, has had everyuone walking on eggshells around her for a long time and I was very grateful that this seemed to be coming to an end

Ok, you're not nuts, but we don't know the history here, it could have been the last straw for your DH.

Just because you wouldn't have done it that way doesn't mean it is strange. Not everyne thinks in the same way and you seem to be implying that the fact that she didn't send the photo to you makes her behaviour somehow strange. It doesn't. It just means she has differnet thought processes to you.

Why did you bother asking your DH why his sister chose to do something some wy? Does every action have to be justified to you? Are people not allowed to be different?

That's some mighty big imagination you have there OMDB.

Where have I said that nobody is allowed to be different? That everything has to be justified to me?

Right back at you

I didn't post this on the AIBU board for a reason. Doesn't look like anywhere is safe on MN to ask for some non judgemental advice these days.

.

I'm with Mademez on this one.

2nd thought, you do seem a bit 'nuts'

You said:" I just thought it strange why she didn;t send them to me automatically but my inquiry about this send DH off the deep end."

She didn't do what you would have done, so you came to the conclusion that this was 'strange'.

Then you enquire to your DH as to why she would do this. That's asking for justification.

If you deem your SIL's behaviour strange because she didn't do what you would have done then it's a pretty fair assumption to make that you must think other people's behaviour strange too if it doesn't fit with what you would do. But maybe not. Maybe it's just your SIL who isn't allowed to do things differently.

Either way, I take back what I said about you not being nuts now.

It's his sister. It's normal for her to email him. Not you. Him. He is, after all, one of the parents of the child in question.

The problem with asking for advice is, you might just get it.

I cannot be sympathetic.
Some people have far bigger fish to fry.
Whales even,
And just try fitting one of them in a chip pan.

I was beiong honest. I asked a question, I did not make demand that required any justoification.

I said 'strange' it's a pretty innocuous word. I could have said 'weird' or any amount of more loaded suspicious words - but I wasn;t suspicious, I was wondered

Maybe my mistake was being honest and asking an honest qustion.

NQC, it's not normal - she has never emailed him, only me. That is shy she didn;t have his email address and only mine.

But like I said, this was not about that - I wasn;t bothered abou that - but his reaction.

Where is the banging head against a brick wall emoticin.

OK then!

Don't ask for advice if you don't actually want honest advice.

DWP is right. You're making a huge issue out of who gets sent a bloody email ffs.

But ... look ... if I call my sister 'nuts', that's fine, she's my sister. But if you (or my DH, or someone else) call my sister 'nuts', I will take offense, because she's my sister.

(TDWP, I haven't seen any updates on your situation lately ...)

But why would your DH know why she sent it to him and not you anyway?!

Why don't you just ask him why he called you nuts?

I didn't call her nuts in the discussion, only here! He called me nuts.

FFS

NQC there's a bit on the original thread. DH is still away so i am loving time off from the grief tbh and not thinking about it too much.

TDWP, so should we who are unworthy of your sympathy simply stop crowding up the boards?

I am not asking for anyones sympathy.

How many words have been put in my mouth here tonight?

Sounds sensible. I'll revisit the original thread.

I refer you to my mop thread.

No sympathy, just free comment.

oh, so that's what MN is about now?

Forgive me.