Am I being nuts???

[enraged]

This morning DH told me that his sister was going to send him a photo he and her partner took of Ds yesterday at the beach. I emailed her and told her just to send it to my email as she aleady had that one.

Then I asked DH why she just didn't send it to mine anyway. His sis has a hostory of being petty and a bit nuts about small imagined slights but seemed to be really getting over this recently.

DH thought I was insluting her and called me "nuts" and stormed out.

Now I am not upset in the slightest about his sister. I just thought it strange why she didn;t send them to me automatically but my inquiry about this send DH off the deep end.

His reaction has however pissed me off a great deal. We have gone though a lot of problems in the last year and were just getting back on an even keel and I was beginning to think I could trust him to put us first again - this, however small - has made me doubt this.

And I was fu*king furious when he called me "nuts" - it't not something I'd say top anyone I was trying to communicate postivly with.

So am I nuts?

i re-started my ad's after 4 weeks off them.i was starting to care and get angry about stuff and i couldnt be doing with that

you sound like you are in a difficult place, enraged, esp with being off the ADs for a few weeks now. I think a few people may owe you a small apology. Without defending your tone, it is clear that a lot is going on (chemically and emotionally) and I repeat what I said earlier, it's a real shame you were not given the space to talk further.

i dont get the problem?calling someone nuts surely isnt that big a deal?

That's a temptation Diva!

I keep swaying between fury and self pity and thinking fury is more healthy at the moment. But I cannot be sure I am not overreacting either.

AD's were certainly a great help and support to me when DH wasn't. It just feels like he will never be there. We lost the reason we were together in the midst of this. he turned into a different person and I felt so betrayed and so angry for DS, that he had betrayed and lied to us both.

And him calling me nuts after you are 6 weeks off ad's casued by the stress of his addiction is the big deal Cheese - I hope you can see why that might make anyone angry.

im sorry-i would have felt like that too when i was coming off ads.i apologise.but you did not say that in the op.

Enraged: whatever you said to me I didn;t see before it was removed (and I'm not bothered anyway, you are entitled to say what you want). Yes I jumped to some wrong conclusions about your situation, but I am not a mindreader, and you have posted subsequent information that was not in your original post - your original post was open to interpretation (by people who have nothing but that original post to go on) that you were someone who monitored your DP's communications because there had been fidelity issues.

No you are not a mind reader, but most people ask for more information if they require it, before they come to any opinion, especially such an extreme one as yours, full of ill will as it was - and after only one post from me. That post didn?t contain the a-z of my life, you're right, but I was trying to keep it short thinking I would have the opportunity to expand when asked more questions. And where is it written that every scrap of information needs to included in the OP or else it?s open season for any ?interpretation? that floats into focus?

There was nothing in the OP about "monitoring" my husbands communications - neither was there anything about "fidelity issues"; these were products of your imagination and nothing more.

Maybe you will give the next person who posts for advice the privilege of asking them for more information before you see fit to judge. Like I said, this is not the AIBU board, but that punchy style seems to be infiltrating every other board on MN, even SN. MN is supposed to be a support site, not a brawling alley for bored mothers to take out their frustrations on each other.

And I told you to f'off in the post that was deleted, told you that you were wrong to accuse me of being "a spoilt brat" and everything else in your post. I was incensed at your ?interpretation? which was as inaccurate as it was possible to be and incredibly spiteful to boot. I don?t know about toxic anger, but thinking the worst of people you know little about and voicing it with such glee doesn?t strike me as too healthy either.

Maybe some of you will think twice before you post such horrible judgemental replies to people who are looking for genuine advice - if you can?t say anything nice, don?t say anything at all.

If you post on a public board, you are going to get a range of opinions, some of which you don't agree with. That's life.

Of course it's a pubic board - I have been a member for four years - I am aware of what MN is. But when those opinions extend to pure spiteful fantasy on a suppport I'm entitled to think and state that something might be rotton in the heart of denmark. Thats also life.

And I personally think you and OMDB, who rose the vitriol to a quite unnecessary level with no justification, popping off insults and ridiculous extrapolations, need to be ashamed of yourselves - and the people who joined in just because I defended myself against what amounted to vicious fantasies.

I'd hate to think what women more vulnerable than me would have made of the expereince. I'd keep your irrational bile to the AIBU boards in future.

without raking over what went on last night too much, i think the OP deserves great credit for "coming out" and showing her true identity.

I do think that while it is fair to say that by coming on here you are inviting a wide range of diverse opinions, the OP is also right to point out that this is a support thread and maybe the judgments did come in a bit too quickly.

No one comes out of this smelling of roses, I am sure OP may feel that her tone was too confrontational at times but I am sure too that others will feel that they jumped in too sharpish on her, especially as it seems that the emotional place the OP finds herself in was clearly contributing a) to her anger towards her DP in the original post and b) in her anger towards certain posts during the thread.

MN is, in my eyes, meant to be a place where we can examine issues without the fear of being too judged too soon, or at least the relationship thread should be, especially as people posting original threads on here may not be in the best place, emotionally speaking, and surely this needs to be taken into account before flaming someone.

My intention was never to come across as sounding judgemental or vitriolic, so I'm sorry if I did and the op took it the wrong way. I posted with an honest intention of simply pointing out another way of looking at the situation. I didn't pop off insults or extrapolations and am not ashamed of anything I posted though.

I also don't think MT was flamed until she started taking her anger out on other posters.

However, even though it was unintentional, I am sorry that I contributed to you feeling worse rather than better MT. It wasn't meant to be that way. I hope you feel in a better place soon.

I felt frustrated because I was being misunderstood - I said in the OP "Now I am not upset in the slightest about his sister...His reaction has however pissed me off a great deal" - before I got angry with Madamez.

I take back what I said about you being on a par with Madamez, it is onloy after she posted that you got the same fire in your belly; "Does every action have to be justified to you? Are people not allowed to be different? "

Piling in just becasue someone else does, in absence of any justification, is still not a great thing to do though in my book.

But thanks for the apology.

On a different note, DP came back this morning after spending the night at his mothers with flowers. Something he hasn'tdone for years. So maybe I wasn't being as nuts as him - if only slightly

Sorry again. It has made me think, that's for sure.

Water under the bridge and all that.

Glad you got some flowers.

MT I don't think my post was vitriolic or spiteful. I misunderstood your OP to be sure, and I am sorry if that upset you, but I am certainly not responsible for anything anyone else says or does.
And I am glad to hear things are better for you today.