OLD, he asked why I'm seperated

[HelloLemonPie]

Been having great messaging chat with a guy I've matched on Bumble. Messaging constantly for a week - he's keen to meet but I've been busy so we're meeting next week. He seems a decent bloke, kind, normal etc. I know it's hard to tell before meeting what the real chemistry will be like but we're messaging a lot.

Anyway, I'm a single mum and he's known this from the outset. Last night he messaged "Since we have chatted quite a lot now, I hope you don't mind me asking what happened between you and your child's father? Don't have to answer if you don't want to."

I'm really taken a back he's asked me this when we haven't met yet. Seems very personal. My DC's father was emotionally & physically abusive and I've had to have a lot of support post-relationship. I don't feel comfortable texting someone who is technically a stranger about this, even now it makes me feel sick thinking about my ex. It's really triggering.

I know the guy doesn't know this context and is probably curious. But how do I reply? This is a conversation I would have with someone a few dates down the line...

Also is it normal that he's asked me this so early?

Agree keep it short, shut it down, this stage is about getting to know who you are now, not who you were with someone else.

I’d just say “let’s not talk about exes, tell me more about xyz”. It shows you’re interested in getting to know each other, not rehashing old ground.

This is very good advice.

You said that he sees DC twice a month. Is that “sharing custody”?

Perhaps better to keep DC out of it altogether though. Good advice from other about what else to say.

I think it’s a very common question and something I would ask a potential date.

Just be breezy and say that it didn’t work out and you both decided to end things etc, as PPs have suggested.

Do not say anything about leaving the conversation for another time or implying that there is more to the story (even if there is).

If things all go smoothly then you can go into more detail in the future.

Im not saying you should give all the intimate details but if someone was as evasive with me as some people are suggesting you should be I’d assume they had something to hide.

Why do you think you owe him some sort of explanation?

Be very careful that you're not easy pickings for another abuser.

It's none of his business, you don't know him, and you won't even know him in a year's time (if it lasts that long).

"We grew apart" is all he needs to know.

If and only if the relationship works out, you can tell him in the future, when you absolutely know who you are dealing with and who you can trust.

Good shout

If she gives "teasers" that there's more to come then yeah. I agree. But it's perfectly fine not to divulge detail at this stage and they probably aren't expecting detail

I hope he's a good guy OP, because you seem keen to over-share personal information with him. Keep your reply as bland as possible, and don't put in any "I'll tell you the full story another time" cliff hanger stuff. Getting in too deep before you've even met him is setting yourself up to ignore red flags, because you already want it to work, and already believe you have clicked without even having a date.