Friend dating ex husband

[MrsBonBons]

Help please!! I recently got divorced (past two months) from my ExH. The relationship ended badly when he had an affair 2 years ago and it’s taken a huge amount of effort to stay friendly and amicable for the sake of our two children. But after a lot of ups and downs I finally felt we were on a better level with each other and things were much more positive. I have recently discovered after having a gut instinct about my ex lying about various things and my friend blanking me in the supermarket that she and him have started dating.

I am absolutely floored by this. It’s taken me back to discovering the affair and I just can’t stop crying and not sleeping again. I have recently started a new relationship and am happy with a man who is kind, considerate and emotionally intelligent (my ex isn’t emotionally intelligent). I’m so angry with myself that I am this triggered and upset by it when I have met someone lovely.

How can I move past this? My ex thinks I am being totally unreasonable to feel upset. But it feels like another betrayal. I was not incredibly close with the friend he is dating but would see her on nights out, whatsapp’ed about the divorce because she has been through it herself and she offered advice when things were tough going. I shared details with her that make me feel like a fool. She is also a mum at school and our children are in the same class. We have a lot of mutual friends 😳.
How do I handle this? Am I being unreasonable to feel he shouldn’t have gone there? In a mess x

Oh, love.

Don't beat yourself up. You've had a heck of a shock and another round of betrayal to do with this man. OF COURSE you're going to feel like this and you're allowed to.

Fuck your ex saying you can't be upset.

YABU to think he shouldn't have gone there - purely because he was a snakey pig before. Leopards, spots etc

YANBU to think SHE shouldn't have gone there

However, bottom line: she can fuck around and find out. Don't get involved. Focus your bandwidth on your new life.

I think it’s understandable to feel as you do, but I don’t think he’s unreasonable to date someone who sounds more of an acquaintance than a friend of yours, if you chiefly see her on nights out. You’ve moved on. So has he.

Him lying and her blanking you in the supermarket is a bit juvenile, though.

He’s totally unreasonable to date the parent of another child in your child’s class.

Thats just a recipe for disaster between the children and totally unfair on them.

YANBU to be annoyed

That's a line over which a friend shouldn't cross, in my opinion. Block the friend from now. Be distant if you ever have to be in her company and never bring it up with your ex. Only communicate about children. Practise being indifferent and it'll become second nature. They are despicable

@MrsBonBons

I get understand how 🤔 you feel another betrayal and that,

She sounds like more of a friendly actiquance

However its still a shit thing to do,

Her decision to have a affair a relationship or a dalliance with him 🤔 could well in the future come back to bite her in the arse big time
in more ways than one,

Especially he is not emotionally intelligent

Those types don't change they just mimic it and mask it like perfectionist but sooner or later the mask slips, the act falters as sure as night time follows daytime ,

exposing the nasty person who they really are,

Fake acting indifference until you perfect this or and believe it
will take a while for habit till kick in then becomes natural,
The best revenge is him and her seeing you looking and feeling a lot better
living your full potential living your best life however that looks like or means to you,

Fuck him,
bin him off for the loser that he is

I have a feeling several months or a year or so down the line he will definitely be reaveling his God awful Shittyness💩💩💩💩 ways and persno to his latest squeeze, and what a shock to the system it will be for her
Its new girlfriend

I'm not surprised you're hurting. But leave the 2 pigs to wallow. Neither sound much of a prize.

Fuck that is not a friend wow that is crossing the line big time I’m so sorry I would hurt to regardless of meeting someone lovely it just not right ..would have nothing to do with her at least

Thank you for your advice lovely people. It’s made me feel a bit better and that I’m not totally out of order. I agree, he is free to have a relationship. It’s just the circumstances I find difficult.
But I must carry on and focus on my new life and distance myself from him. I had a silly, naive opinion that me and my exh could be good friends but I think there is too much pain and hurt there from this experience anyway.
I will lick my wounds and try and get past this.

I will see her at brownies pick up on Thursday. Do I say something or just stay silent and give daggers? Was thinking ‘I wondered why you blanked me at the supermarket, now I know. At least own it’. Probably better to stay silent but I’m angry

I wouldn't say anything to her at all. Just ignore her. Don't need to give her dirty looks.

I wouldn't say anything, how awful for you and it's put your child in an awkward situation, I know it sounds drastic but I'd want to move away.

What do you want to achieve by saying anything to her?

Nothing unites two people more than thinking it is them against the world. Don't give your ex and your (ex) mate any reason to be star crossed lovers because of you reacting to it. Just wish them well. It will either work out and you'll be glad you aren't at odds with them, or it won't and you can stand back and watch it implode from a safe distance..

I would behave normally. Don’t pay her any attention, but don’t shoot her daggers either. For all you know they’ll have broken up again in a week. Focus on your own new relationship. Your ex is now only relevant as a co-parent.

Bloody hell that's rough op, of course your upset. I've not got any advice apart from keep your chin up and enjoy your new man.

Yes - good advice. I will try very hard to not say anything. Hopefully I will feel a bit stronger by then….and yes, I’d like to move away 😂

Good luck to her huh, she's going to need it. Just ignore her no matter how much you want to stab her with your dagger eyes. Keep remembering that you have the better man.

Don’t show any emotion to her …she would love that …and definitely not in front of your child …what a fucking bitch she is

Yeah I would have said it before the kids came out but I will keep quiet. You are all right xx

Of course you’re upset, totally rational, but chill out, you already know how this is going to pan out, leopard and spots come to mind. Just sit back and wait for it all to blow up in their face, in the meantime just ignore them like they mean nothing to you, really, you probably feel a little sorry for her, it’s all going to be coming her way, let it be.

For me I would be showing my ex how happy i am do the opposite of what he thinks you would do ...guys love it when you show you still care ...when you dont show it it will get him thinking hang on she seems happy ..thats how I would play it and I would lok my damn best too ...I always do anyway 🤣 his novelty will soon wear off his 5mins of excitement..I promise one day he will look back and think shit I truly fucked up x

I agree with everyone else and don't say anything or shoot daggers.

I promise, you will feel stronger.

If it helps, (although it might be hard to do) try changing your mindset - feel sorry for her.

You managed to get rid of the fuckwit ex and she now has to deal with him.

I know its cliche and wanky, but living a better, happier life is much better revenge.

The pair of them will be the talk of the playground as soon as people hear about it, and not in a good way.

You can join in then with everyone laughing at them and say that you're happy she took your trash out.

I don’t understand why a mate would do this, talk about shitting on your own doorstep. It’s perfectly normal to feel so crap about this situation, this is absolute betrayal by both of them.

Be strong OP, your new DP sounds lovely, focus on him and your DC and try as hard as you can to compartmentalise your exes new relationship.

Just greet her as normal on Thursday. Possibly with an added smirk. Make her think you feel sorry for her.