Friend dating ex husband

[MrsBonBons]

Help please!! I recently got divorced (past two months) from my ExH. The relationship ended badly when he had an affair 2 years ago and it’s taken a huge amount of effort to stay friendly and amicable for the sake of our two children. But after a lot of ups and downs I finally felt we were on a better level with each other and things were much more positive. I have recently discovered after having a gut instinct about my ex lying about various things and my friend blanking me in the supermarket that she and him have started dating.

I am absolutely floored by this. It’s taken me back to discovering the affair and I just can’t stop crying and not sleeping again. I have recently started a new relationship and am happy with a man who is kind, considerate and emotionally intelligent (my ex isn’t emotionally intelligent). I’m so angry with myself that I am this triggered and upset by it when I have met someone lovely.

How can I move past this? My ex thinks I am being totally unreasonable to feel upset. But it feels like another betrayal. I was not incredibly close with the friend he is dating but would see her on nights out, whatsapp’ed about the divorce because she has been through it herself and she offered advice when things were tough going. I shared details with her that make me feel like a fool. She is also a mum at school and our children are in the same class. We have a lot of mutual friends 😳.
How do I handle this? Am I being unreasonable to feel he shouldn’t have gone there? In a mess x

They say kill it with kindness;smile and pretend it doesn't bother you in public public,trust me when I say the gossipy bitches that are the playground mafia will absolutely slaughter your "friend";you need not say a single thing.

Instead concentrate on your children/child and how they feel about it all;it's probably weird for them so gently see if their okay and if they need to talk or have any questions about it;often there's a book for handling most childhood situations but alas they probably don't have one called my dads shagging my friends mum with low standards.

I wish you all the best with your new man and hope things work out.

She’s an acquaintance not a friend.

Blocking her just creates a load of drama.,

It’s not unreasonable the OP is peeved, but there’s no grounds to call them despicable - they are both single.

I wouldn’t say anything to her but if someone else remarked I would feel quite justified in saying coolly yes I know, I can’t imagine being attracted to a man when I knew all the details of how he cheated on his wife, i guess it’s proof it takes all sorts.

They're both really gross. out of all the people on the planet, they couldn't find anyone else to date?

Agree with not saying anything to them. Celebrate that you're rid of the plonker.

She's not a friend but an acquaintance. So be polite as usual but otherwise ignore.
And once a cheater always a cheater as she will discover.

he moved out when I found out. He didn’t do the typical thing of begging to come back and has always said ‘I can’t risk hurting you again’ when we talked for a few months about reconciling. Which I think was a blow to my ego tbh. In the long run he’s done me a favour but god it hurt

Honestly the best reaction is no reaction at all, you are on a higher level to them so as much as it hurts because of the memories etc, just try and focus on you and your new partner, and if anything pity her as she'll likely go through the same as you.

This is great advice - thanks.
the irony is her ex husband had an affair as well so I’m incredibly surprised she has gone there and also surprised at her lack of thought for how I might feel.

I know it doesn't feel like it but YOU are the winner here, she is the loser.

You're out of a marriage with a selfish, uncaring piece of shit...she has walked straight into a relationship with him, even after being so hurt by her own exH. (Not to mention she's lost your respect and friendship in the process). She really is a silly cow.

Totally agree, when you see her, channel the ‘omg I’m so happy it’s not me/not my problem anymore’. It will help you feel a little lighter and it will make clear to her that you are not crying for your ex and therefore she has nothing that you want. Pair of teenagers both of them.

As hard as it used to, let them get on with it.

Don't mention it... don't even think about it ( if at all possible)
Let them fester in their own little pile of crap.

But you keep your head up and start to enjoy your new man... even if this isn't a long term thing, just enjoy the fact you're free from that 2 timing snake.

I'm sure most of your 'mum friends' will agree with the betrayal from this so called mum.. so don't sweat it !!!

Treat them with the contempt they deserve is always a good mantra.

I understand the shock, because is shocking, specially is she knows about the real him. However, here is the good news for you, she can keep him busy so he won't annoy you. Let them do their stuff. You are now in a better position and also starting a new promising relationship so overall you are the winner.
I wouldn't say anything to her, I wouldn't want her to think she can use my shoulder to cry when he start to reveal himself or think I'm bitter.
If they are happy, good for them, if they are miserable, none of your business.

Get over it by picturing this when the thought of either of them pops into your head.

This!! 🎯

why give them the satisfaction to know they’ve hurt you. I’d be civil and say hi but not chat. Look busy. Walk away with your head held high. They deserve each other.

What’s done is done

she’s now an ex friend , stupid bitch clearly has messy boundaries
just nod politely and block her on all channels

dont talk about it with mutual friends , keep a low profile

he’s an Ex and he’s entitled to date , as you are . Just let the bruises heal and continue onwards

Pair of tossers. Of course you feel awful. I think you need to get it all out either with an actual friend, relative or a counsellor, really give them the full treatment. I think you'll realise once you've processed this that she was never an actual friend so it's just a shock and a bit close to home rather than a true betrayal.

Be civil in public, return any greeting but no need to chat or speak first. Before long you will begin to give far, far less of a shit about this than you can currently imagine happening. And remember to enjoy your lovely new relationship. Much better than this shit

One of my so called friends started messaging my ex when i stood up to her about something that was none of her business! There was absoloutely no need. They were "flirting" on facebook for about 2 months.eventually i found out they had swapped numbers, he had given her money and sent her takeaways as she was telling him she couldnt afford food for her kids. She also was ringing him asking for fags etc. She sent nude photos also.

He came running back to me after 2 months when he realised.

Friends shouldnt do that you. Shes no friend.