Friend dating ex husband

[MrsBonBons]

Help please!! I recently got divorced (past two months) from my ExH. The relationship ended badly when he had an affair 2 years ago and it’s taken a huge amount of effort to stay friendly and amicable for the sake of our two children. But after a lot of ups and downs I finally felt we were on a better level with each other and things were much more positive. I have recently discovered after having a gut instinct about my ex lying about various things and my friend blanking me in the supermarket that she and him have started dating.

I am absolutely floored by this. It’s taken me back to discovering the affair and I just can’t stop crying and not sleeping again. I have recently started a new relationship and am happy with a man who is kind, considerate and emotionally intelligent (my ex isn’t emotionally intelligent). I’m so angry with myself that I am this triggered and upset by it when I have met someone lovely.

How can I move past this? My ex thinks I am being totally unreasonable to feel upset. But it feels like another betrayal. I was not incredibly close with the friend he is dating but would see her on nights out, whatsapp’ed about the divorce because she has been through it herself and she offered advice when things were tough going. I shared details with her that make me feel like a fool. She is also a mum at school and our children are in the same class. We have a lot of mutual friends 😳.
How do I handle this? Am I being unreasonable to feel he shouldn’t have gone there? In a mess x

Count yourself lucky the pair of t have found each other!! A cheater and a backstabber, a match made in hell.

What a horrid pair they'll make.

Ignore her as if she wasn't there and don't lower yourself to her shitty standard.

Keep your head held high and don't let this drag you down.

Good luck for your new and bright future💐

Ignore her for the rest of your natural life.

This actually really helps - thank you so much

Sisters before Mr’s. What a major bitch. I’d have nothing more to do with her

I saw a great thing on Facebook about a friend dating an ex it was - I'd say to her when he kisses you just remember his tongue used to be up my fanny! 😂😂

I will try and do exactly this.

I feel stronger than a few hours ago already when I had a long drive and listened to Phil Collins and Whitney crying for 4 hours 😬😬😬

I will get through this. Just another hurdle

Sloppy seconds springs to mind!

This made me laugh. Thank you 😂

I think Phil and Whitney were perfect! Let it all out, have the catharsis, and now just ignore them and focus on the positives in your life.

You've got this, OP.

@LemonSqueezy0

oh you sensible spoilsport!

@MrsBonBons what Lemon said is sensible.it doesn't stop you thinking (reasonably IMO) that they re a pair of twats, for several reasons. But she's not a good friend so no great loss & if she's that stupid/desperate and is with him despite knowing what you told her, she deserves what's coming her way. Hopefully they'll break up before they involve the kids.

stop crying! Neither of them are worth your tears

enjoy the new man in your life🌷💕

She’s hardly bagged herself a Prince amongst men. Just wait until he shags someone behind her back.

Crying with laughter at this

OP, just to clarify. You've been apart 2yrs, but divorced within the last 2 months? Sorry, just reading your post and thought I'd clarify as it'd put your post in a different life if this is a "fresh" break up

You say "I see you are dating my ex-husband. Good luck with that one!" and laugh uproariously.

Jesus this is phenomenal. You've just changed my life with this. 😂

I would stop discussing with him. Hold your head high and carry on being happy in your new life. He hasn’t thought of your children and maybe that hurts. Or that fact that he could be trying to hurt you by doing this? With someone you know. You sound as if you are better off in your new relationship!

I’d focus on the fact you HAVE SOMEONE NEW. That’s nothing to be taken for granted and certainly doesn’t happen for everyone, esp so quickly. And he sounds a million times better. Look forward, not back

Affair discovered Oct 2022 and divorce finalised 2 months ago x

It's awful that she has started being with him and it feels like a betrayal because it is.

My ex told me that he thought my friend was attractive. I told her and she immediately said she absolutely would not go there as it would be a complete betrayal. I told her if she was interested and they wanted to try then I'd accept it as she's my friend but I didn't deny it would hurt. Thankfully she likes me more than wanting to consider him as a partner and he likes me too much to look again.

My MIL married her best friend's ex and couldn'ct understand why her friend never spoke to her again. The first time she told me, I spluttered that I'd probably do the exact same thing. MIL acted as if she'd never told me and so told me again quite a few times. I never responded to it after that first time.

I can't understand myself why someone wouldn't understand that this is the ultimate betrayal of a friendship and how they could expect to ever be spoken to again. MIL was very sad about it but never seemed to see her friend's pov.

I'd disown the friend for a start. As for the ex, well that's a lot harder isn't it? You don't have to be friends with him though. Just be civil for the moment. Your children will grow more quickly than you can imagine.

I think she was wondering when you separated? Did you separate when the affair happened?

I think you should just pity her. He sounds awful and who would want that?

I'd feel more embarrassed for her if anything.

The dating pool pretty bleak there so nothing left but cheaters and left overs for her?? No worries OP they will break up or if they are really really stupid they will get married and then divorce! It’s the very very rare cheating man who stays with the first gal he dates post divorce. He hasn’t learned a single thing about himself or why he cheated or what he needs to do to be in a relationship. You op will be moving along quite well with your children and boyfriend. However she is not a real friend…be poised and pleasant but no longer friendly.

How can she be so fucking stupid, knowing the back story and the fact that he ruined his marriage by having an affair?

Anyway, that's her problem. I would be all friendly and jolly and unperturbed towards both of them (no matter what I was feeling inside) because it would absolutely be the response that would piss them off the most. It would make their silly little relationship seem totally insignificant.

It will be hard but I would not say anything smile at her when you see her with her blanking you she must think she has someone you want. If its not mentioned she will probably try to discuss it with you at some point. Laugh and say you were shocked at first when you heard especially when she knew he had an affair. Tell her your just glad he is someone else's problem now and that you had more respect for yourself than staying in a marriage with a scummy cheater. Hopefully he will do the dirt on her also it was disgusting to get with a friends ex.