Is this wrong?

[Cougar101]

43 year old female, don't look my age, have been told I'm quite pretty, I'm also very young at heart for my age. Have been chatting to a 22 year old guy online with potential plans to meet up.
He seems very mature and not at all sexual or sleazy, have done a video call already.
Just want to know is this totally wrong?.
I don't notice the age difference when we are texting or chatting.
But I'm aware I could easily be his mother.

It’s a bit icky. But up to you. What would you make if a man your age dating a 22 year old woman?

@AnneLovesGilbert yeah I feel it would be a bit weird, but I am not remotely sleazy and I didn't seek him out, he started chatting with me

If youre just looking for a casual fling it sounds fine. Just don't string him along thinking it's going to be a great love story

Make sure that you protect yourself, this has the makings of a romance scam all over it.

I’m 43……and ewwwww.

I mean, you do you, but also, weird and no.

I suppose it's not impossible to form a solid romantic relationship with someone 21 years your junior, but in reality it's extremely unlikely to work as anything other than a short-term consensual sexual relationship.

You're at immensely different stages of your life, or at least would normally be expected to be. Personally, I wonder what's going on when someone hooks up with a partner who was still a fetus at the time they were leaving university/settling into the adult world. It seems like one or both people may have unresolved maturity issues.

^^^ that’s what I wanted to say. Brilliantly put @CheekyHobson

Probably get flamed for this but if my 22 old son was taking to a 43 year old woman I’d be mortified . I’m not sure what would possess either of you tbh but I guess we might know each other being that we could have been in the same year at school?

Honestly, I had a 12-year gap with my ex and that was actually hard enough to navigate in the long term.

I can't imagine what I would have in common with someone in their early 20s except at the most superficial level. That age feels like a lifetime ago.

You do you but to me the idea of banging a 22 year old dude seriously gives me the ick. The human brain isn't even fully developed until something like 25 (often later for men). Think about that.

I also find anyone who says they have stuff in common with a person so much younger than themselves extremely problematic. Is he mature or are you actually very immature? That's even before you get into completely different life stages and power dynamics.

If you were a dude he were a woman then yes I'd be asking the same questions.

Icky.

No from me.

Sorry if some of these questions sound harsh, this is not my intention, but some cold, hard considerations:

Do you have kids? Does he want to be a step dad at 22? Does he fully understand what that would mean in practice?

If no kids, does he want kids of his own? Do you want kids/more kids if so? Does he want to be a young dad as realistically you would need to act fast? If you do end up having kids, will you be financially secure? Does he earn enough to contribute to the household at 22?

You say he seems mature but he has no where near the life experience I would expect you to have. Be real about life stage. You will be going through menopause when he is still a young man with friends who are only just starting out, getting married, starting young families. Will you be comfortable in these social situations? Would you be comfortable meeting his parents who are probably closer to your age?

If you’re looking for a no-strings fling then go for it. But tread very carefully if you are wanting more. You could end up feeling very foolish or worse, holding back a young man from living the life he should be living.

Do what you both want. You're both adults. Just prepare it's likely to be short term.

20 somethings have a bucket list, and one of the items is "going out with a milf". (I have SO many likes from this age bracket on a dating app, and I'm 43 on my profile. It's definitely "a thing"). If you're OK with that, go ahead.

Very icky imo.

Have you been truthful about your age ?
You say you look younger, so does he think you could be early 30’s for example ?
OR
Is he perhaps getting kicks at the thought of potentially shagging someone old enough to be his mum ?
I’d be concerned he’s got a bet going with his mates and he’ll end up bragging about it when he’s slept with you.

Each to their own though.

If you both want some quick fun that’s ok but I can’t see it lasting more than 2-3 dates , based on age alone.

I’ve got a 24 yesr old son and would be seriously worried snd pissed off if he was seeing a 43 year old woman. Seriously leave this lad alone!!

I wouldn't be happy about him chasing you if I was his mother.
Just because a 22 year old wants to talk to you, doesn't mean you have to talk back. He's going to have something weird about himself if he's into such large age gaps. I've had messages from young people, gives me the ick, I would not want to be someone's MILF.

Pick someone else.

You may not seem a different age during a few 'chats' but you'll sure as hell will know it when your talking about what everyone did during the millennium new years eve and you realise he wasn't even born.
Ditto 9-11
Ditto anything for the first 20 years of your life.

Also, you may not look 43 now but a lot of ageing happens in the next 3/4 years - before you know it you'll be catching glances of yourself in a shop window thinking who the f is that!

Seriously, don't put yourself through it.

The feminist part of me wants to say, "If you both want a bit of fun, go for it, what's the harm? You are consenting adults."

But the mother-of-a-22yo part of me is busy yelling, "Don't be ridiculous, you're old enough to be his mother. Back away, and leave the daft lad to someone closer to his age."

If a 43 year old woman was dating my 22yo, I'd wonder what was wrong with her that she wanting such a young lad with no life experience over a partner of her generation. (I would judge a older man to younger women even more severely, as the power differential tends to be even greater)

If my 22yo was romantically pursuing a 43yo woman, I'd take a long hard look at my parenting to see why he has Mommy Issues.

Yes totally get what everyone is saying. I don't want anything serious tbh and I don't want anymore children so I'm sure at age 22 , he does want kids.
Although it's very rare , it can work , look at Aaron Taylor Johnson and his wife. They met when he was 18 and she was 42 and are still together. I'm actually shocked they are still together as he was so young and wouldn't have had a chance to play the field etc. But he obviously fell head over heels for her.

Casual fling? Maybe but be careful with his feelings as he is young. Anything else, hmmm, why would you want to? Can’t imagine you’d have much in common.

I dated men in their 30s when I was in my 40s and they were too immature for me. They were nice blokes and had a lot to offer but just not for me. Cannot imagine anyone even younger.

I was just thinking about Sam Taylor Johnson when I started reading your post!

Who knows, yes it’s a bit unusual but not to say it wouldn’t be worth a shot - no harm in a date to see how it goes.

It would be like one of my friends sleeping with my son. That makes me feel sick.

Does he know how old you are?

Yep sorry OP - toe curlingly gross.

im 40 and I think even 29 is a bit creepy.

You're trying to justify it, but it's not nice and it's highly unlikely to work.

You're 43. You say you're pretty and you look younger. That may well be the case, but you don't like you're in your 20s.

You sound very much like a friend of mine. She turned 40 last month and despite usually making a huge thing about birthdays, kept very quiet about this one as she is in complete denial.

She has always made a big thing about being "young at heart". She hangs out with much younger crowds, but doesn't have steady friendships because even these early 20s friends get fed up of her "I'm so young at heart, I'm basically in my 20s" attitude because actually she just comes off as irritating and totally deluded.

She dates much younger men (she doesn't have kids and doesn't want them). It always ends in tears.

She dresses like a teen and seems to genuinely think she looks like a teen.

The level of delusion has got much worse in recent years.

Please don't be like her.