I don't want to do a 90 mile round trip for lunch...

[FluffyHamster]

I know the answer is "well don't then!" but would still appreciate some points of view...

I have a group of about 6 friends. Met them a few years ago at a course related to a hobby I do in a town close to where they live, but about 35 miles away from where I live (there wasn't one closer for me). We all got on really well and still meet up together every couple of months for the hobby - but always at a venue in their town, or one of their houses (so a 70 mile round trip for me).
I've invited them to my town/house, but for various reasons it hasn't happened.

A summer get together/lunch is being discussed and we agreed a date, but all the options proposed are another 5-10 miles beyond their town, so will result in a 90 mile round trip for me. Due to holiday traffic/roadworks it will likely take me 1.5 to 2 hours each way incl. sitting in stationary traffic on a motorway.

It's too much isn't it?
But I know if I say this I will get the vibe that I am spoiling things/ being difficult. And I'm the one who is the outlier after all, by choice.

You obviously don’t really want to see them that much. I regularly do 200 mile round trips to see friends and family for lunch. I’m usually in the car longer than I am at the lunch but I don’t mind as it means a lot to me to see them. Don’t go if you’re not bothered!

It is what it is. It's your geography problem.

You have choices other than just go or don't go.

You could combine seeing them with another activity or "me time".

Maybe one of them would put you up for the night, if you get on well enough to make it an all-day event.

You could do some venue searching for a suitable venue, that works better.

Otherwise just suck it up or see them less frequently.

Personally I don’t think it’s too far. If they are your friends and you want to spend time with them go. It sounds to me like you just can’t be bothered which would suggest you aren’t that keen to see them.

If it's just a group of 7 at some point in summer is it really too late to change venue to one on your side of town? It probably will be usually you going over that way but if you explain the traffic issues they may want to accommodate you. I think you probably have to accept the travel as part of this group though rather than expect 6 others to come to you. Better to accept that's how it is and take or leave it than hope they'll come to you one day and resent it when they don't

I think if you’re the odd one out then you have to accept you need to be the one to travel.

one of my friends moved away and makes comments about not always wanting to come back to our town all the time but it doesn’t make sense for the 6 of us who live locally to get 3 trains to hers. We do occasionally go her way but majority rules most of the time

If your genuinely friends then you go! It’s not too much to expect the furthest person away to travel if they’re all together unless you propose a halfway meet

Also unless I am mistaken, none of your responses to vote are, go because you’re the outlier

Basically it all comes down to how much do you value your 'friendship' with these women and, in all honesty, how much you actually do want to see and spend time with them?🤔As you yourself said, 'And I'm the one who is the outlier after all, by choice.'...and frankly only you can answer the question 'It's too much isn't it?'🙄

10 miles extra is not much though.. could you suggest somewhere near them that’s near to a train station though to avoid driving. 35 miles in a car can take a lot longer than a 35-50 mile train journey! I’m

If you like the group & enjoy meeting up then as a one off I'd go but suggest next time having it in their town as the extra travel is a bit of a mare for you with traffic etc.
Why not organise a BBQ or afternoon tea at yours in the Summer & ask them all over. They could travel together & it will highlight the effort you put in each time you go to them.

Why don't you book into a travel lodge or similar, and stay overnight? Then you can have a few wines and let your hair down.