Does appearance really matter to men?

[Blushingm]

I've been with DP 2 years.

I'm a size 20ish. And 5'9.

He's about 5'11 but slender - 32'' waist

He said just after we got together he did say I'm different from people he's gone out with before. Yet he says he likes seeing me naked etc. we have sex.....a lot. We cuddle a lot.

But all I can think when we are cuddled up is all he is feeling is fat. And when we are out together I imagine people are looking at us and wondering why he's with me. I think his friends think the same.

Can men ignore what someone looks like? Can they have sex with someone they don't really find attractive ?

Maybe he likes what you look like?

I know women of the same size who are gorgeous and look great.

Does your size bother you or do you just worry that it bothers him?

I had a conversation with a bloke once, who doesn’t really like very thin women. But regardless of size, he said it’s a face that attracts most men and the rest is secondary or not important.

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I guess we are all unique. In the same way that I wouldn’t fancy a buff gym going guy but might be attracted to a more geeky looking guy, and actively prefer a ‘dad bod’ to a 6 pack, if I was a man I’d be expecting women to favour the gym guy. It really does come down to a unique set of factors we may not even be able to pinpoint. What makes you attractive to him is the completely 3-dimensional and unique person you are.

I think appearance does matter, to everyone, not just men. It doesn't have to be the main factor (it's not for me), but people generally have to find someone attractive to want to sleep with them.

Everyone's opinion of what's attractive is different. You're DP obviously finds you attractive. Don't let your insecurities cause a problem in your relationship (I've done it myself in the past).

My Dad - he preferred a voluptuous woman - my Mum. Wasn’t attracted to ‘thin’. Everyone is different.

Yes it’s attraction, but your dh obviously finds you attractive!

Fat/thin is too simplistic. My (tall, fit, handsome) ex liked my ample hips, I'd always tried to cover them. I am plain and dumpy but it didn't seem like that to him. Beauty in the eye of the beholder.

It's so much a part of the package: personality, face, looks, body.
Many people have favourite film stars but what they go for in real life might not look anything like that.
Over the years, I have found that most partners are not judging each other by Hollywood standards. So if you don't look like a film star, don't worry: you have other merits.
Over the years, I have reminded myself that 'they're not dating me for my looks'.

It’s part of the whole package that were attracted too.

I would say I’ve got a physical type that catches my eye but none of my long term partners have matched that look.

And the one guy I did date who was the whole package for me physically, we just didn’t connect mentally or emotionally.

So yes looks matter but it’s not the be all

He probably loves you for you, and loves your personality.

But it's a win-win for guys anyway, and I say this to my wife... slim gives you elegance (six pack if super slim), and a 'traditional' figure, but more squishy gives you bigger boobs and bum and an overall more approachable, cuddly vibe. So as I say, it's a win-win, we get something awesome regardless :).

I love a good 17/18 stone Dad bod. I adore a warm, soft body. Gym and skinny men arent for me. Thankfully, everyone is different.
Be happy that he adores your body.

That's the thing - if I'm not like people he's been out with before - then why is he with me?

His exw is tall and slim. They were together over 20 years so that's obviously what he likes. I'm not attractive like that

Men aren’t a homogeneous mass! Some people like looks, some like funny, some like clever. Mostly about chemistry. I’ve been out with people who I’ve had great chemistry with, but weren’t conventionally attractive. They were attractive to me though and that’s obviously the same for your partner.

Or, you know, there were other things he liked and fancied about her than her height and weight? Maybe he always liked larger women but he fell for her for other reasons.

He is with you and shags you enthusiastically, so I'm gonna say he fancies you.

If you don't feel good about yourself and don't like the way you look, maybe you should focus on workingon that, rather than projecting it onto him?

But you don't know all his exes... your personality, sense of humour, ambition, empathy, reliability, intelligence, respectfulness, sex skills (I don't know...) might be way better than his ex or exes. It's a balance.

Are all his qualities better than any/all of your exes? Is he funnier, more ambitious, more successful, more reliable, 'bigger', better in bed... (I don't know what you look for)?

In balance, you're what he wants. You should trust his choice.

Maybe he’s not talking about appearances when he talks about you being different. I’m vastly different from the women my Dh dated previously, definitely a lot fatter. But my personality is a very different as well and I think he likes that. Dh is nothing like my ex boyfriend’s (thank god, I dated some right twats).

you are reaaally overthinking it. Men do look at the physical appearance - yours does too, and be obviously loves what he sees. :)

Many people don't like just one type.

Jason Statham for example has gone from Kelly Brook to Rosie Huntington Whiteley. They are really quite different body types but it's clear he was attracted to both enough to have ltrs with them.

Then there are personalities and how you get along with someone and how they make you feel.

Back on types; I like dark haired sticky guys. But every now and then will crush on blond haired guys, and used to fancy a very slim, tall blonde haired cyclist guy who got the same commuter train. There was so something about his Anglo Saxon Reddy blondness and height that made me want to have his babies.

You can have different types and you can evolve/change your types over time.

No, I do not think men date or marry women they dont find attractive.

Therefore, I would assume he finds you very attractive. He likes you naked and enjoys sex with you so clearly he does find you very attractive/sexy. Men and women find all kinds of body shapes attractive and not everyone has a "type".

*stocky, not sticky lol

If he gets an erection then he finds you attractive. He really wouldn't be in bed with you if he didn't. Have confidence in yourself!

Yes, of course appearance matters to men, in the same way it does to women, but so do lots of other things. And not every man is attracted to a particular female body type.

Plenty of men find the sort of skinny, flat-chested women which the fashion industry idealises & promotes unfeminine & unattractive. Lovely womanly curves are much more their thing, which is why your partner obviously fancies you, OP. So stop worrying & enjoy!

In general, appearance is important to both sexes, however women in my experience consider it far, far more.

For some women, the state of their eyebrows, nails, hair & clothes really matter. To their male partners they probably never notice apart from when she prompts him "Do you like my new haircut ?" which is the first he knew about the subject.

Maybe he just likes you as a person, likes spending time with you and enjoys sex with you. Your appearance is not something he thinks about - ever - other than say when you are wearing some fancy underwear and raising an eyebrow at him.

Womanly curves?
I am flat chested and don’t have curves. Just as womanly as any other woman. Some men like skinny, some don’t others don’t care either way.