Hi there ,
I’ve been with DP just over 4 years. We are both on 40’s though he’s 5 years younger. We don’t live together as we both have DC however in a month had at least 50% together day and night as my kids are at their dads 50% of time and he only has his every other weekend and holidays as they live an hour away. So anyway … sex has always been great with my DP, he has no issues getting hard, can last for ages and go the second round within 10 mins of climax.
However what I’ve noticed is sex for last few months has been initiated by me. Sometimes I will just initiate as I want that closeness as well as the sex and think if I don’t I’ll feel frustrated and sad.
So, basically because of Easter hols plus both of us being sick, we haven’t had sex in 10 days. He’s staying over from tomorrow night till Wednesday morning. I’m thinking not to initiate sex while he’s here and see what happens.
I did mention on text jokingly last night that since being on pill it seems to have been a curse as we’ve had less sex ( some of this is due to have less nights together as I needed to have older DC more and she doesn’t want dp to stay over as she’s still got ick her mums in a relationship).
that text was ignored as he just messaged good night. I don’t want to bring it up again just see what happens. Has anyone else done this and what was the outcome?
I did mention it before Christmas and then he got more proactive at initiating. But I don’t know if the issue was that I took over and in a way don’t let him initiate. I’m not sure if I’m the problem?
On a normal week we’d have sex 3 times at best and twice at worst. It always lasts from
30 mins to an hour.
anyway I think I’m not gonna initiate this weekend. I’m not sure what I’m trying to achieve - I will probably hurt myself tbh. He’s happy rug out sex life, really enjoys it and always compliments me during the act on what I’m doing but not really telling me how much he fancies me.
if you read this far thank you and sorry if I’ve rambled!
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Relationships
Do I stop initiating sex? Sad and feeling confused :(
middleagebumpyroad · 12/04/2024 09:03
femfemlicious · 12/04/2024 09:32
That is a lot of sex. Seems like you have a very high sex drive
Seaoftroubles · 12/04/2024 09:13
Relax OP, it sounds like you are overthinking, especially if he's given you no other cause for concern and everything is OK generally. Don't initiate and wait and see what happens before you imagine the worst. If he still shows no interest then you can have that conversation, but see how it goes first.
kkloo · 12/04/2024 15:05
We don’t live together as we both have DC however in a month had at least 50% together day and night as my kids are at their dads 50% of time and he only has his every other weekend and holidays as they live an hour away.
Not the point of the thread but an hour isn't that far at all. Sounds like a lazy parent.
Also as I needed to have older DC more and she doesn’t want dp to stay over as she’s still got ick her mums in a relationship).
After 4 years? Are you sure there isn't more to it? Do they get on?
There was a couple of mentions about that being a high level of sex, 3 times a week when you don't live together and you're in your 40s seems like a normal amount, not particularly high.
PersephonePomegranate23 · 12/04/2024 15:29
I think maybe my underlying issue is that he never tells me I look beautiful ect or compliments me in that kind of way when you are in a relationship.
Four years in? And really, 'beautiful'? Do you really expect someone to say that to you? It sounds a bit much. How many beautiful people do you know? It sounds as though he is affectionate and obviously finds you attractive.
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Dontsayyouloveme · 12/04/2024 15:38
What is wrong with ‘beautiful’ ?? There are many people who consider others to be ‘beautiful’!! 🤷🏻♀️
PersephonePomegranate23 · 12/04/2024 15:29
I think maybe my underlying issue is that he never tells me I look beautiful ect or compliments me in that kind of way when you are in a relationship.
Four years in? And really, 'beautiful'? Do you really expect someone to say that to you? It sounds a bit much. How many beautiful people do you know? It sounds as though he is affectionate and obviously finds you attractive.
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