Do I stop initiating sex? Sad and feeling confused :(

[middleagebumpyroad]

Hi there ,
I’ve been with DP just over 4 years. We are both on 40’s though he’s 5 years younger. We don’t live together as we both have DC however in a month had at least 50% together day and night as my kids are at their dads 50% of time and he only has his every other weekend and holidays as they live an hour away. So anyway … sex has always been great with my DP, he has no issues getting hard, can last for ages and go the second round within 10 mins of climax.
However what I’ve noticed is sex for last few months has been initiated by me. Sometimes I will just initiate as I want that closeness as well as the sex and think if I don’t I’ll feel frustrated and sad.
So, basically because of Easter hols plus both of us being sick, we haven’t had sex in 10 days. He’s staying over from tomorrow night till Wednesday morning. I’m thinking not to initiate sex while he’s here and see what happens.
I did mention on text jokingly last night that since being on pill it seems to have been a curse as we’ve had less sex ( some of this is due to have less nights together as I needed to have older DC more and she doesn’t want dp to stay over as she’s still got ick her mums in a relationship).
that text was ignored as he just messaged good night. I don’t want to bring it up again just see what happens. Has anyone else done this and what was the outcome?
I did mention it before Christmas and then he got more proactive at initiating. But I don’t know if the issue was that I took over and in a way don’t let him initiate. I’m not sure if I’m the problem?
On a normal week we’d have sex 3 times at best and twice at worst. It always lasts from
30 mins to an hour.
anyway I think I’m not gonna initiate this weekend. I’m not sure what I’m trying to achieve - I will probably hurt myself tbh. He’s happy rug out sex life, really enjoys it and always compliments me during the act on what I’m doing but not really telling me how much he fancies me.
if you read this far thank you and sorry if I’ve rambled!

I actually feel really uncomfortable to comment any further on this thread that seems to be taken over by women that feel the need to bully.
Not sure what the thrill is of belittling and insulting others … seems like you both need therapy more than me!
Thanks to all those who added their perspectives in a respectful and kind way!

@terribleangel I think that’s an interesting point. We went out a few weeks ago and I made a lot of effort. He didn’t say anything but then a few days later when we were talking I said I felt really unwell that day. He turned around and said that I looked good on that day! That was first compliment since my birthday in summer.

When this happened to us he was just satisfied with porn. He wasn't addicted or anything but I felt awful when I realised he'd stopped initiating altogether. When he stopped watching it he was actually passionate again.

Yes. I think one can see why a woman would begin to look elsewhere with these guys. I think that though they’re otherwise pretty good catches this is their reason to be single.

@terribleangel he’s got a lot of other qualities like every year for my birthday we set a date and he arranges something he knows I will love … he’s not a flash guy and I think as others have said actions are his love language. The thought he puts into stuff like this and he is emotionally available. I suppose divorce does change us and I know I’ve also learnt from my mistakes so put a lot of effort into this relationship. But if it was lots of other problems too then it would be a deal breaker. You sound quite fed up though, I do understand where you are coming from.