His devious plan - can someone help me overcome it please?

[funditpun]

Partner has gone ahead without my permission to renovate my garden. I know it's a plan to set up a beneficial interest in my home.

I am very vulnerable at the moment due to illness, so fighting against the browbeating and just ignoring me and going ahead with what he wants is not an option.

Is there a clever solicitor out there that can help me word an email to him that basically tells him that if he is doing this work, that he has no interest in my home etc. It is worrying me sick and I will be splitting with him but I can't at the moment.

I have sent texts etc pointing out that he ripped up my decking without my permission but he doesn't acknowledge it. He is doing this on purpose.

Please please do call the police. Tell them that this man won't leave your house and you're afraid of him. Explain that you're ill and vulnerable. Tell them he is destroying your property. They will come and remove him. You don't have to live in fear with him OP. Make that phone call now, you won't regret it.

I remember your previous thread.

Contact the police and tell them he is causing damage to your property and refuses to stop. They will get him out.

Also contact Women's Aid who can signpost you to local support.

You can do this

I agree about calling the police. He is damaging your house and you want him out. They will help you.

If you haven’t already please phone the police

also reach back out to your friends. They will be there for you. I had a friend in an abusive relationship and was told by him ‘why you still here her friends and family have disowned her, you're a dick'

i told him I wasn’t going anywhere. When it finally came to a head and I was able to get her out of the situation all her family and friends were ther. Please don’t do this alone

Please don't send him any solicitor's letter or similar until you are physically safe from him having sought police input. I really don't think it is a good idea to enrage someone so unhinged when they are living in your house.

OP, phone the police. Tell them clearly that they need to come now and remove him from your property and that he is damaging it against your wishes.

Ohone the police. Tell them he has ripped ho your garden without your permission, he will bot leave your home and has threatened you.

Please call women's aid and the police.
Sendy love and strength. You can get through this.

It's a little worrying that you stopped posting. Please let us know if you are alright.
There is no good reason to keep this man that you are scared of in your home. Whatever life throws at you as a consequence of calling the police, you will get help to deal with. If you are disabled, you will be taken care of. There are many charities that will help you. Stop putting yourself in danger. It's time to protect yourself. You only have to see how often the words 'call the police'have been written in this thread to know that any woman would do the same in your shoes. Don't feel any guilt or shame. You will be OK. In time, you'll be at peace.

can you tell us the reason you can't call the Police now Op?

It's good you aren't married. Is it your property, if so he has no rights to be there. Did he move himself in against your wishes. Reach out to your friends, real friends will be concerned for you, and will be pleased you got back in touch.

Police, OP. It is that serious.

He has no legal right to be there. He’s in YOUR house at your invitation. If you remove that invitation and he refused to leave, then he’s trespassing. You can call the police and say “my abusive ex-boyfriend refuses to leave my home and he’s intimidating/threatening me” they will come and take him out. Even if he was trying to say he had an interest in the property, you’re not married and he’s not on the mortgage etc so he’d have to take you to court AFTER the police have chucked him out. You do not need to even get up, dial 999 while he’s out there, and say you’re unsafe.

This!!!

Worrying that there's been no update. Do let us know you are alright OP.

So sorry OP. This is domestic abuse and arguably coercive control. Contact the police and women's aid for help.

Sorry I didn't update. Thank you for your messages, I'm not used to kindness. My family are similar to him anyway and my old friends are long gone and I want to leave that part of my life behind. I would rather have made new friends, but I moved and have never really been able to.

The problem is the police can't protect you, even if they can make him leave. I have been through this before and it leads to stalking. If someone wants to get you, believe me they'll get to you. I am waiting to have an operation and have problems with CPTSD that causes functioning problems. I need to deal with this situation in a clever way.

I am going to call Women's Aid for advice on Monday.

I really want to arrange a solicitor's letter to him, but a PP said not to send a solicitor's letter to enrage him and I have started to think this is right, because I'm too scared to send the email I devised with the help of a previous poster.

Definitely call/email women's aid. You need to know your options, whether for now or later. Has your operation been scheduled and therefore very soon or is it just that you are on a waiting list?

Can you send him texts asking him to stop whatever he is planning to do. Be explicit. Keep it written down so you have proof.
Please do NOT pull up the decking I want to keep it.
Please do NOT dig up that shrub, I like it.
Please do NOT knock down the garden wall, it is fine (or I have plans for it).

Send every contractor away stating it is your home, not his. Preferably call them after they've been round for a quote rather than wait to see if they turn up. They will talk between themselves at the builders merchants which might help eventually.

Speak to the police and ask for their advice. They might be able to offer something you haven't thought of yet. Hugs

Let’s say the police get him to leave.
Which they will if he refuses.
And let’s say you block him in every way.
And he stalks you.
You can report to police.
But he can’t dig up your garden or do any renovations.
Surely that’s better than having a potentially dangerous man in the house with you?

At the very least call the police for advice
And Women’s Aid. I remember you had this advice before. Please take it this time.

💐

He may well behave horribly after he is chucked out by police. Your current reality, though, is horrible and dangerous, you’re worried about him claiming on your house. It’s hard but the only way to begin to make a change is by taking action to remove him. You do need support, though. Ask your GP for a referral for therapy. Contact women’s aid, call the police, but this can’t continue.

I really wouldn't do anything "clever" while he's still got access to your home. Sending him emails/letters/texts will just wind him up and you'll have nothing in place to back you up.

He might stalk you like a previous abuser did if you had him removed from your home, but he is a different man, so his behaviours might be different.

And with police involvement, you can get legal help to keep him away and ultimately have him charged with stalking or harassment or whatever else.

But currently you have nothing in place to help you and he is doing what he wants to your home and garden, while trying to get a financial claim on your home.

If you have CPTSD and are quite rightly afraid of what he might do, you may not be making the most rational decisions for yourself. Get Women's Aid to support you and advise you, and really consider involving the police.

Call the police NOW.

Tell them that he is threatening you and that you are vulnerable.
Which is the truth, after all!!

Please call now.

Op I realise your frightened but your actions are making you more vulnerable whilst he's still in your house.

This is a straight forward police action and your mistrust of them is causing you to make bad decisions.

I'm so sorry OP this sounds awful. Agree with PP that your first action is to get the police involved and get him out. Get a restraining order and change your locks. Then sort out the legalities of the house - you'll already have reported him for abuse and criminal damage so any reputable solicitor he engages will throw his claim of beneficial interest out.

He said he would stalk me and worse.

I am on a waiting list for the operation.

I am still trying to get through to Women's Aid, as I really want their support first. I have recordings of the threats towards me.