Background -
together 23 years married 12 3 school age children youngest 9. I have a million reasons to justify leaving such as he can’t keep stable employment I’ve financially had to step up the entire relationship ! Uses whatever spare money he has for cannabis, moods are all over the place sometimes calm happy and helpful others almost psychotic. The facts are I do not love him, barely like him and all I truly want in life is to be single forever and just be with my children.
My issue is he worships me, is far too reliant on me for everything. He knows I’m unhappy as I’m so depressed being in this marriage, so has taken to telling me every day how much he loves me how he would never cope without me and the children he can’t be at ease if I’m not there etc etc
The guilt is making me physically unwell, thinking I’m going to destroy him he’ll be devastated. Did anyone leave under these circumstances? I just feel I don’t have it in me to hurt him it’s such an unbearable situation to be in.
There is definitely no way back for me so counselling etc wouldn’t help I’m dead inside when it comes to him. All these years of taking the financial burden, the housework load, the mental load, being the lead carer for the children (he still classes being left alone as babysitting🙄). He brings nothing to my life zero help and if anything costs me money.
I have rabbled on but just desperate to hear anyone who has ended it when your husband is so reliant on you and claims to love you more than anything. I just feel so sad inside all the time and think how can I get out of this.
For context I don’t need anything from him no maintenance etc I can cover everything myself. House is rented as we sold our last one years ago and didn’t rebuy as I definitely didn’t want to be tied in that way to him. And there’s no other man I don’t actually ever want to be with another man ever again. I can’t bare the thought of being controlled ever again.
Thanks for reading and I hope I can get some encouraging stories !