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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ex coming to talk to me today but

79 replies

Nothingsurprisesmeanymoree · 10/04/2024 09:30

I’ll try not to make this a long one. Me and my ex broke up last year. Well he walked out after Christmas leaving me with two kids and no closure. We were together ten years and it was honestly the hardest thing I have ever been through as I didn’t see it coming and he acted so cold towards me and never gave me a talk face to face. He gaslight me over another woman and when left admitted he had cheated a year before. He wants to talk tonight in person but has also told me he talks to the OW but it’s not like that. I need to stay strong as it must be exactly ‘ like’ that.

OP posts:
Whatifthehokeycokey · 11/04/2024 14:14

He wants to know if going back to you would still be an option. He has gone way past the point of no return. I don't think he deserves to have a conversation with you, unless it's about co-parenting and child support. Certainly not about his feelings or about your relationship. He's treated you appallingly.

Rjjwja1 · 11/04/2024 14:55

BananaLambo · 10/04/2024 10:02

His OW has binned him and he’s come to realise that a knee trembler at the photocopier is not as good as getting your pants washed and dinners made. Therefore he has graciously decided to bestow his presence upon you once again. Be prepared for tears, guilt tripping (but think of the kids, Sandra), and declarations of undying love. I can almost hear the collective eye roll of the Mumsnet Vipers. We’ve been there, done that, and got the frilly blouse to prove it. You deserve better than this low grade man.

OR

He wants to sell the house/stop paying maintenance/tell you the OW is pregnant/he’s getting married.

Forewarned is forearmed and all that. Go into that meeting with your own agenda and know what you want to get out of it. Write it down in advance so it’s clear in your head. Write out the words you want to say, to crystalise them, and make it real. You’re in charge now, not him.

He could be asking for more maintenance if she pays.

believe it or not some woman work…

Original poster
Nothingsurprisesmeanymoree · 11/04/2024 17:52

Well we talked. I’m to have the kids every other weekend too as well as the days I have now as he said his parents can’t possibly do week days they do enough. Seriously he has basically walked out of being a parent by sound of things. I told him parents do work and do school runs and he got annoyed. So he’s basically now settling for every other weekend with his parents help still. I’m upset for our kids but at the same time if he did agree to weekdays and alternate each week they kids would only get the angry stressed version of him in that time where at least I can take them to school in a calm manner. Since he left my eldest is now excelling in school so that says something. Also had a chronic health illness go which for last few years I was going to hospital every 6 or so months for. I’m now wondering if this is from having less stress on our lives.

OP posts:
ARichtGoodDram · 11/04/2024 17:57

Well done you!

I’d say its absolutely no coincidence about your eldest’s schooling and your health!

Enjoy the weekends with your kids - you deserve that downtime with them when you’re doing all the grunt work.

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