Are There Any Normal Men on Online Dating Sites

[JL690]

I've decided that I finally need to move on fully from my ex, who is the father of my little one and basically my FWB since I divorced him. I know, why did I do that etc? I signed up for an online dating site but it seems just about all the men on it are action men, climbing mountains, running marathons, gym addicts, bikers, which is definitely not me. Are there any sites that are not full of action men?

I found one but his mine now got the ring on my finger!

I would slightly ignore the photos especially if the man is 40+ because they often seem to struggle to find any photos of themselves, I know for a fact dp has very few that weren't posed with object because I've seen his old photos! Most photos of him are beside a vehicle at events, it's what men do.

As for the sports, sometimes it's a bit down to them not knowing what to put so they big up the fact they go running a bit, occasionally climb a hill (obviously a mountain ) and once went fishing with their dad, the reality is they work and watch tv like the rest of us.

They are out there but I found the paid sites whilst fewer candidates were more genuine

@sunnyinthesummertime we are a very good match as I love vintage clothes and have never really been bothered what people think of my style :) we totally "get" each other too.

@Lovemusic82 that would be a great idea. I had tried other OLD pages for alternative people but there wasnt many guys on there unfortunately.

I heard rumours there was one a few years ago but that may have been an urban legend 🤣

Seriously though, those pics are just ego boosts. Men think it makes them look dynamic and masculine. I would bet a very small percentage of them actually do those things on the regular. Some do of course but the action shots are often very curated to give a certain image.

😆

[Looks at dp] yes! He's about as normal as someone can be. I guess I am probably the weirdo then.

It might help for me that I'm more likely to be the one getting pervy on WhatsApp. I was pretty up front with dp but after 4 years without sex he thought I was God's gift as a result.

Oh and I met him when I was 51, he was 55.

I wouldn't presume they actually do those activities regularly.

They're just trying to look active and interesting.

I wouldn't let it out you off.

I must be an exception wanting a man into sport, I wouldn't mind if they actually played football/rugby/cycling (no lycra though)/cricket/tennis/running whatever. It's when they say they do and they haven't played since school and the nearest they come is watching it on TV. Just be honest, when they get found out it doesn't make them interesting.

As someone whose active, I used to have tennis lessons but had to give them up after developing tennis elbow, and still gym 5/6 days a week, go out on my bike as much as possible, walk most days, I'd like someone who shares that not just watching it on TV.

The pictures in the gym are just cringe worthy though. Usually in a vest trying to look moody on a bench.

Oh god yes, this. My last boyfriend made a massive deal out of how he was going to cook me the most amazing curry, it would be out of this world, he was going to get all the ingredients for it blah blah. Months of this, until I finally snapped and said 'Well when is this curry going to materialise then?!'

It finally appeared. Throughout the meal we had to discuss every minute detail of skill that went into it, and the source and quality of every ingredient, as if he'd just invented the Hadron Collider or something. He later made me a cake for my birthday and I ended up wishing he hadn't for all I had to hear about that.

It's like these overgrown toddlers expect you to fall at their feet in awe and admiration of their ability to do a simple task like cooking a meal or flushing a toilet properly.

I remember meeting a man who was very keen to impress me with his cottage pie (which he raved about) and I was quite looking forward to it. What actually appeared on the plate though was something that resembled a large and very sloppy cow pat. With tinned vegetables floating in it. My appetite disappeared in about two seconds flat as it tasted as bad as it looked. And he was so proud of it too…

Met my husband on OLD and he's awesome. I will say, he'd only been on a few months. I think the good ones do get snapped up quickly, so check out the new joiners!

Re the cooking thing - I’ve just seen a man on Bumble and his profile pic is him wearing over gloves holding a freshly baked (what looks like) shepherds pie.

He looks so proud bless him 🤣

I've just remembered another boyfriend making me his 'special vegetable soup'. When it wasn't thickening to his liking I watched as he started to add spoonful after spoonful of raw wheat flour 😱

I really can't stand it when a man expects special treatment for doing 'women's work'. I'm glad I'm single.

I'm forcing myself into OLD after 25 years of marriage and feel a bit out of touch with how it generally works.

I've been chatting to Mr Scot for a week or so on WhatsApp (after my Match subscription ended). Seemed nice enough, a few jokes etc. He's had a bad back so was messaging about it being a hindrance for OLD. I sent back something about the litmus test being able to stagger to the pub unaided and he replied it was being able to have a great sex life.

It was pretty tame (and in fairness he prefaced it as a forward question and apologised if it came across as a bit crass) but I'm wondering if I'm being a total prude to be slightly turned off by it? Or is that totally normal and I need to reset my expectations? I have no problem with having sex (or talking about it) but I haven't even met the guy yet. (I think I'm destined to be single for the rest of my life...).

It doesn't matter whether it's normal or not, if it turns you off it turns you off and that's fine. For what it's worth, any mention of sex before meeting someone or even on the first date or so (assuming I wasn't looking for a ONS, which would be very unlikely) would put me off.

Personally I find steering the chat towards sex before you’ve even met really off putting. I them a chance by ignoring the carrying on normal chat but if they persist I’m out

I was dating someone last year who like to cook for me, it took him all day to cook a basic meal so I spent all day sat in front of the tv whilst he cooked, it got really boring. One day he decided he would cook me Mac and cheese (my favourite) and he looked up a recipe online, had to follow it closely, kept getting stressed that he was going to get it wrong, it ended up taking him 4 hours to make Mac and cheese 😬, it tasted good but I was so annoyed as I drove a hour to his place and didn’t get to see him as he was busy stressing in the kitchen for 4 hours. He then got upset one weekend as he served me a steak that was so tough I couldn’t eat it, that was the last time he cooked for me 🤣.

SamW98 & AntonFeckoff thank you both, good to know I'm not being too Miss Haversham about it.

I just think no wonder you're single, you appear to spend half your life up a mountain

Doesn't bode well really

Oh I’d forgotten about the length of time it took 😳 the curry cooking began the day before and we didn’t end up eating until 10:30 pm.

Another ex used to have tantrums in the kitchen.

I'd say they are few & far between, especially as you get older.

I'm in my 50's & it's a wasteland.

So many married men, those looking for casual relationships & just generally disrespectful behaviour (ghosting).

I can only do it in short bursts- about to have a break from it again as it's affecting my confidence.

Am going to try more social events eg Meetup to see if that's any better.

I met my lovely DP on Facebook dating - we've been together 9 months. We're both as bonkers as each other - he's 47 and I'm 45.
There are normal ones on there you just have to set your bar high and have the patience of a saint.

No personal experience of OLD, but for what it’s worth my ExH used to leave his online dating profile open on the computer for me to have a browse! It was full of pictures of him skiing, cycling and playing tennis…none of which he’s done for about 20 years, so take I’d the ‘action man’ pix with a pinch of salt!

I met my now husband on OLD years ago. He contacted me and I almost didn’t agree to a date as in paper he probably wasn't what I was "looking" for. Then I thought to myself I might as well go, it's not like my past relationships had been entirely successful!
We share a little girl together now (his first and last!) and we're very, very happy 😊

I met DP on OK Cupid, and basically I had to filter out all the guys boasting about their triathlons and their cooking. I do like someone sporty and who can cook, but for me boasting about it (or about anything) was such a turnoff. I was immediately attracted to DP because his profile was funny and ironic, very rare (esp. here in Germany). However I only saw his profile because I widened the radius to 250 km and we do have a long distance relationship. I think there are a lot of nice guys out there, OLD does widen the pool a lot in your 40s/50s because most men you meet in real life are attached or weird, but they may be a bit further away!