I don't know if my gf is hiding something from me or i am overthinking?

[KookyMaker]

We've been together for about 7 months now, everything is great we enjoy each others companies. We meet every weakened. We've met each others parents we got on well. Relationship is blossoming into something great. No arguments, sex life is great we both trust each other and we've had many chats about being trust worthy and loyal and being transparent. Background on our dating life. We were both single for a very long time before we started dating she's never had a serious relationship. We met on tinder and both have acknowledge we deleted the account since we are committed.

I've been hurt in the past and my idea of trust is not just talk the talk but walk the walk. It's all great talking about it but actions mean more to me, and she knows this. She doesn't have any guy friends from what i know just a few girl friends of hers so i assume I've got nothing odd to consider about.
A month ago we went out to have a meal and usually i have phone on my desk faced up. Got nothing to hide. She always has her phone in her pocket or bag. That day she was constantly texting someone back and forth. She looked super eager to message who ever it was back. It went for about 10/15 mins straight until I said who are you talking to? Her answer was it was a family member after that she didn't go on her phone. I trusted her and let it slide, still had some suspicion but ignored. it. Overall she is somewhat protective of her phone it's always in her bag. Sometimes i have noticed she quickly texts back and puts it in her bag when we are together doing something.

Anyway during the day we usually message each other on whatsapp every few hours so i assume she's not very frequent on there or maybe she is idk. I message her when i can and assume she does the same back to me. We both have our last seen status hidden not fussed if it's hidden. During that day i got a call on whatsapp from a friend and was on the app for an hour on the call and replying back to her at the same time this took awhile due to multi tasking but in the space of 30mins i noticed she was online every 10 mins whilst her working hours which is odd because she usually takes a couple of hours to reply to me if she's working. I didn't send her any messages i just sat there seeing her coming on and offline every 10mins for about an hour, things were ticking in my brain. I didn't realise how active she was on whatsapp.

I replied back to her message anyway and she obviously replied after a short time but as i was still on the call she must have noticed i was online too at the same time must have made her realise i can see her online status too as both participants are online at the same time... Then after sometimes i noticed she wasn't online at all anymore... i couldn't even see when she was on whatsapp. OK i just assumed that she's busy back at work and went offline until i started getting messages of her. I could now only see when she was typing, my brain realising that now she's hidden that she can be seen online and i can now only she when she's typing.

I was so confused to why she would do this, i couldn't even see her last seen status in the first so why bother hiding her online status it's so minor. I didn't even question her because it seemed like such a little thing to even discuss about and let it slide too. Seemed like she didn't want me to know when shes online, which is odd because i couldn't care if she see's me when i am online.
After my call i went offline and couldn't even be bothered to waste time to think about something like this.

The next time we met was great we both had a great time together we went out and i stayed at hers for the night. She didn't go on her phone at all which why very nice because of all the little things i've noticed in the past. Ignored about the whole online status thing didn't bring it up. She even left her phone next to me when she was busy with other things so i assumed if she's happy to leave her phone near next to me then of course she must have nothing to hide.

We were talking about something we would plan to do so i sent her some links and places to what we discussed about on whatsapp and they wouldn't send. It was just one tick. I assumed that the connection was very slow. Then thinking i looked at her phone and seen she had turned off all her internet and data. I questioned myself ok maybe it's to save battery, well that cant be because it's 99% charge. What a strange thing to do turn off data in your own place. So this made me wonder that she happily left her phone next to me with her data off but when we are out why isn't her phone next to us but in her bag? did she just leave next to me to make me think she's happy to leave near me? but realistically it doesn't mean anything because if her data is off she won't get any notifications. So i would never see anything in the first place. So all the past times she's left her phone next to me i'm guessing it's been when her data is off because i noticed she turned off her data last time i came over to hers too but it was just an intuition but this it proved it was right when i saw it was off

It's these recurring little things that makes me wonder if she's being truthful or hiding something so i don't get my suspicion raised. Do you think i am over thinking or do i have a right to question her about these actions i've noticed? The last thing i want to do is invest further with someone who is also doing something behind my back. I'm not saying she might be doing this but i have heard in the past that some people are great at hiding certain activity for years and not get caught. My gut is telling me something isn't right. I am in abit of stuck in the middle situation

It sounds like you're looking for things to be suspicious over. Ok, there's something to be said for trusting your intuition, but you're actively investigating her for deceitful behaviour.

If you don't trust her, then break up. A relationship is worth nothing without trust.

only read the first half, I don’t think you are ready to date and trust. I suggest you separate and get some counselling to work on your trust issues, then when you are ready, dating should be easy and fun. Goodluck

So you dont like it if she text her family, keeps her phone in her bag inbetween use, you watch her status closely for ages to see when she is online and think nothing of checking to see if her mobile data is on?

Regardless of whether something is going on with her, your behaviour is stalkerish. You cannot have a relationship based on this kind of behaviour.

I agree with both the above. If this was my partner or husband they would be gone. Disgraceful behaviour. If she is cheating by chance then so be it but you are completely overreacting here.

What the heck? Completely reasonable to keep phone in bag. You are so overreaching it is not funny.

Well as someone who's been hurt in the past, this is why i wanted some advice

OP, you've only been dating for 7 months. This is supposed to be the everything is wonderful time.

The fact that you've already started to feel like you can't trust her kind of indicates this relationship isn't going anywhere.

End it and focus on moving on.

Oh god you sound like hard work.

People are allowed to have a life outside of their dating partnership. She may be texting friends, relatives, work, someone about buying something from Facebook marketplace, the man who cleans the wheelie bin, who the fuck knows? Checking out how often and how long she’s online and then basing your own feelings about the relationship on this info is unhinged. Step back, and start walking the walk yourself. It’s not healthy and trusting to be this invested in who and when your partner is messaging other people.

I think two things can be true: her behaviour is suspicious and as someone who was cheated on in the past, I would, like you, be concerned. Her behaviour is certainly trying to cover up talking to someone a lot on WhatsApp.

Sinultaenously, you also don't sound secure enough to be dating right now and if you've been hurt in the past, maybe need to work on your trust issues before meeting someone. Particularly someone who sounds like they could be untrustworthy.

Why would my phone think I'm trying to spell a non word like sinultaenously, bloody thing.

I 100% trusted her until i noticed the red flags, it's like what can one person do? completely ignore these issues and pretend it's fine to me?

This is going to be self fulfilling prophecy. You are sabotaging your relationship as you haven’t got over being cheated on. You can’t behave in this heightened stage of a Anxiety and suspicion if you want a healthy relationship.

Ok you have a point that's true, but what if she is hiding something and i just carry on being naïve? and later down the line after trusting her only to realise i was right in the first place?

I have to say OP if you were my boyfriend and going on like this after only 7 months together we certainly wouldn’t be making it to an 8 month anniversary.

I honestly can’t imagine being so intrusively bothered to be checking someone’s online status, making note of where they put their phone during meals etc, especially when you’ve only been together 2 minutes.

sounds like you didn't read everything i wrote

You need to end it.

Either she's cheating, or, more likely, you're obsessing over her behaviour and convincing yourself that she is.

Neither scenario ends well.

Grow up. Online this, last seen that. Pathetic. Couldn't make it through the whole post. How old are you?

Maybe try reading the whole post then you might understand the situation more

If you're this completely convinced that she's untrustworthy then you end the relationship.

As people keep telling you, there is no good option here. Either you're right and she's a cheating scoundrel or you're obsessive and behaving like a stalker when she's totally innocent.

Nothing you've said sounds so deeply suspicious that a complete stranger can confirm that she's definitely up to no good. Plenty of people message their friends and family and plenty of people (myself included) have their status hidden on WhatsApp. Turning her data off means nothing either. Not that you should even know whether it's on or off in the first place.

She needs to get rid of you. You are not going to be good for her.

God these threads are creepy. You’re not ready to date, OP. Work on your controlling tendencies and paranoia.

I did read everything you wrote, twice over because I couldn’t quite believe the level of paranoia for a 7 month relationship the first time.

It is not only crazy, it’s really quite scary. It’s no the wonder she’s turned her status off, it’ll not be long before she finds the “block” button I’d imagine

Why don't you describe to her what you've told us here. You absolutely should.

Because it will be job done - she'll quite rightly run for the hills.

You wanted to know of our overthinking this.
Every single person has said you are. You are paranoid and controlling.

But you do t like hearing that so Lee telling us to read your post.

We did. That's why we are saying what we are saying.

It's you, not her.

What have I done that's controlling? I've never said anything to her to make her feel uncomfortable or made her do anything by force? I'm stating what I've be observing??