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I don't know if my gf is hiding something from me or i am overthinking?

53 replies

KookyMaker · 07/04/2024 16:15

We've been together for about 7 months now, everything is great we enjoy each others companies. We meet every weakened. We've met each others parents we got on well. Relationship is blossoming into something great. No arguments, sex life is great we both trust each other and we've had many chats about being trust worthy and loyal and being transparent. Background on our dating life. We were both single for a very long time before we started dating she's never had a serious relationship. We met on tinder and both have acknowledge we deleted the account since we are committed.

I've been hurt in the past and my idea of trust is not just talk the talk but walk the walk. It's all great talking about it but actions mean more to me, and she knows this. She doesn't have any guy friends from what i know just a few girl friends of hers so i assume I've got nothing odd to consider about.
A month ago we went out to have a meal and usually i have phone on my desk faced up. Got nothing to hide. She always has her phone in her pocket or bag. That day she was constantly texting someone back and forth. She looked super eager to message who ever it was back. It went for about 10/15 mins straight until I said who are you talking to? Her answer was it was a family member after that she didn't go on her phone. I trusted her and let it slide, still had some suspicion but ignored. it. Overall she is somewhat protective of her phone it's always in her bag. Sometimes i have noticed she quickly texts back and puts it in her bag when we are together doing something.

Anyway during the day we usually message each other on whatsapp every few hours so i assume she's not very frequent on there or maybe she is idk. I message her when i can and assume she does the same back to me. We both have our last seen status hidden not fussed if it's hidden. During that day i got a call on whatsapp from a friend and was on the app for an hour on the call and replying back to her at the same time this took awhile due to multi tasking but in the space of 30mins i noticed she was online every 10 mins whilst her working hours which is odd because she usually takes a couple of hours to reply to me if she's working. I didn't send her any messages i just sat there seeing her coming on and offline every 10mins for about an hour, things were ticking in my brain. I didn't realise how active she was on whatsapp.

I replied back to her message anyway and she obviously replied after a short time but as i was still on the call she must have noticed i was online too at the same time must have made her realise i can see her online status too as both participants are online at the same time... Then after sometimes i noticed she wasn't online at all anymore... i couldn't even see when she was on whatsapp. OK i just assumed that she's busy back at work and went offline until i started getting messages of her. I could now only see when she was typing, my brain realising that now she's hidden that she can be seen online and i can now only she when she's typing.

I was so confused to why she would do this, i couldn't even see her last seen status in the first so why bother hiding her online status it's so minor. I didn't even question her because it seemed like such a little thing to even discuss about and let it slide too. Seemed like she didn't want me to know when shes online, which is odd because i couldn't care if she see's me when i am online.
After my call i went offline and couldn't even be bothered to waste time to think about something like this.

The next time we met was great we both had a great time together we went out and i stayed at hers for the night. She didn't go on her phone at all which why very nice because of all the little things i've noticed in the past. Ignored about the whole online status thing didn't bring it up. She even left her phone next to me when she was busy with other things so i assumed if she's happy to leave her phone near next to me then of course she must have nothing to hide.

We were talking about something we would plan to do so i sent her some links and places to what we discussed about on whatsapp and they wouldn't send. It was just one tick. I assumed that the connection was very slow. Then thinking i looked at her phone and seen she had turned off all her internet and data. I questioned myself ok maybe it's to save battery, well that cant be because it's 99% charge. What a strange thing to do turn off data in your own place. So this made me wonder that she happily left her phone next to me with her data off but when we are out why isn't her phone next to us but in her bag? did she just leave next to me to make me think she's happy to leave near me? but realistically it doesn't mean anything because if her data is off she won't get any notifications. So i would never see anything in the first place. So all the past times she's left her phone next to me i'm guessing it's been when her data is off because i noticed she turned off her data last time i came over to hers too but it was just an intuition but this it proved it was right when i saw it was off

It's these recurring little things that makes me wonder if she's being truthful or hiding something so i don't get my suspicion raised. Do you think i am over thinking or do i have a right to question her about these actions i've noticed? The last thing i want to do is invest further with someone who is also doing something behind my back. I'm not saying she might be doing this but i have heard in the past that some people are great at hiding certain activity for years and not get caught. My gut is telling me something isn't right. I am in abit of stuck in the middle situation

OP posts:
InTheShallowTheShalalalalalalalow · 07/04/2024 21:57

KookyMaker · 07/04/2024 19:40

You are right i agree, i can't deny that. Honestly all this time i never doubted her. It's when i started noticing a few things only i started to think "what if" I was hurt so badly in the past it took me a long time to even think about trusting someone. I would never tell her to do anything by force. I just wish things were more open between us so she would know how i feel. But ofcourse i don't want be the person who makes her feel tied up just because i don't feel comfortable with what i have noticed. Several factors like her turning her data off when i am with her just makes think, what a odd thing to do? i'm just trying to avoid getting hurt so if i find out now at least i can depart now and now invest further in this relationship

You seem to think controlling behaviour is you making her do something by force.

It isn't, it's the manipulation, moods, questioning, digs etc. It's far more subtle than outright telling her what to do.

You also seem to think that because someone else cut you, it's absolutely fine to bleed all over your gf, it's not her place to placate you based on something your ex did.

If you have a problem, communicate clearly.

You've got yourself in quite the pickle with this one though, because to be clear and communicative with her, you'll have to tell her that you've been snooping, and the degree you've been snooping to.

The trust is gone here already, you don't have trust, and even if she manages to get you to trust her she will be weary around you from now on.

You could string this out for a few more months, but, honestly, it's dead in the water.

You'll be far better cutting her loose, working on yourself, and try dating again when you are over your ex.

Sciencematter · 18/09/2024 04:33

I guess I am late here. I see everyone is against his suspicion. I understand that point of view. But I need to point out the other side. I was almost in a similar situation with my recent ex of 4 years. I always noticed my ex was always keen on making sure not to keep any 'online' status or use different methods of hiding messages. She also showed me how to do it. I never had any doubt. On the other hand, I was impressed by how well she knows the minute details. Fast forward 4 years, I found her ex-affair (before our relationship) and her chatting on WhatsApp. She was keeping him in blocked status when I was aroud so that i would not accidentally see it.

I am not saying your girlfriend is doing that. But if more doubts, you should openly discuss them with her.,

Daschund · 18/09/2024 04:54

Zombie edit...

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