Is the taxi cab theory true?

[ParrotTwist]

I've recently been involved with a man at work who's in a relationship. We found ourselves texting all the time and flirting at work and one thing led to another and on impulse we met up and ended up kissing, which would've gone further if he didn't have somewhere to be. He told me he thinks the world of me and that he wishes he'd met me before his girlfriend because he would've jumped at the chance to be with me. He then told me he won't leave his girlfriend because they own a house together and his family like her and that we need to end what is going on with us.

But it got me thinking about the episode in Sex and the City where Miranda says that men are like taxis. She says they decide one day they're ready to settle down and they turn their light on and the next woman they like, they'll do that with.

Is there any truth to this theory? In this scenario it seems to me that he's settled down with her because he's got to the age where he feels like he should; it works practically and not because he thinks she's the love of his life. However it got me thinking are men and women wired that differently? For me, I would say that if his head was turned that easily she isn't the love of his life but maybe I'm just a romantic.

Also, I'm fully aware that I come off terribly in this situation, it was just like my brain stopped working when I was around him.

No, I just think that some men are up for an impulse shag if the opportunity presents itself.

Possibly an element of truth with both men and women to this. However he just sounds like a cheater, he wants to have his cake and eat it. You should be releived

Why are you flirting with him if he's in a relationship?
Where's your self respect?

Yeah.
He wants a quick fuck on the side and he's telling you what he thinks it will take to get that from you.

He's just trying to manipulate you. He's hoping that you will do the pick-me dance and fuck him, no strings attached.

I think its less to do with men settling because a light has been switched on and more to do with their inability to not be lead by their penis.

I genuinely feel sorry for the poor sods, they could have a fantastic wife, home life, kids etc and they will risk the comfort and happiness they’ve already got just to fulfil a biological urge to shoot their load elsewhere. It really is very pathetic.

Obviously I am massively generalising but we’ve all seen it time and time again and it’s a common occurrence unfortunately.

I think it’s more likely he fancies you OP and wanted to test the water as much as he could, perhaps if he had met you first you’d get to be the lucky woman he cheats on and belittles to female co workers.

I think of it like stick or twist in cards. You get to a relationship that seems pretty good, yes, there might be someone else out there who is even more amazing but what you have works for you so you stick because you balance the risk of starting against zero vs what you already have in the bank. That risk is higher or lower depending what else is going on in your life, age, future desires for kids etc.

Everyone has their own personal minimum number that they will stick at.

Some people are lucky and are dealt that Ace just when they need it.

Agree.
I believe if a man doesn't want to be with a woman- he'd leave.
He just wants you for a bit of fun.

Please just cut this man out of your life. Work conversation's only and keep them to a minimum.

The next part of the story will be, oh she has mental health issues, she relies on me. Oh we don't sleep together, more like friends and so on.

Well he hasn't 'settled down' with her if he's getting off with people from work, had he 🙃

In my case, no, I never got around to turning the light on. I spent my early 20s jumping from woman to woman, usually with some overlap.

And then I got one pregnant before I had a chance to do something stupid. Luckily we worked well enough as a couple that nearly 20 years later we're still going strong.

I don't believe in "the one", or a soul mate. I think most men don't. They don't wait for perfect, they wait for good enough.

There are many people in the world that I could spend my life with. There are many many more that would be a disaster.

Most men jump off the merry go round when they find someone good enough. I didn't jump off, I was thrown off, but luckily it was with the right person.

I agree. Sort yourself out and find some decorum. There's a whole bunch of single men out there. Why take part in potentially destroying someone? Utterly selfish

Well at least he's honest that you don't really mean anything to him. He just fancies a bit on the side. His poor girlfriend.

I don't think it is fair to think this nobhead is somehow representative of all men though. Believe it or not, some are actually decent human beings who are able to keep it in their pants and show some respect to their partners.

perhaps if he had met you first you’d get to be the lucky woman he cheats on and belittles to female co workers.

in a nutshell.

👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻 yes, this..

He wants to have his cake, make trifle of it and eat it. He is letting you know you are ok for a shag on the side but not girlfriend material.
Charming.

I've always called it musical chairs. They piss about, refuse to commit to anyone until a degree of maturity comes along and then the music stops: at which point they commit to the chair they've just sat down in.

How about you do women everywhere a solid and stop facilitating a certain type of man’s gross shag impulse?

No, I don’t think that theory holds any truth. He’s is a person of low character who cheats. He will likely cheat no matter what relationship he is in. He thought you would be an easy lay and pursued it.

OP it’s not clear to me whether you are asking this because you are just casually interested in this “cab rule” idea, or whether you are wondering if he might leave her for you as she is not the love of his life?

I answered based on the former. However I should have added that, regardless of your motivation in settling down at the time, once you stick you should stay stuck and stop playing cards. The end.

Where are these single men? Please tell them I'm looking for them. 😁

My DH once told me that when he broke up with his ex he decided his next girlfriend would be his last. That was me. I have mixed feelings about it. Seems like he didn’t pick me so much as decide to settle down.

I do think there is something in that theory.

Struggling to see what that has to do with getting off with an attached man though.

Your situation is more like the episode when Carrie goes to the therapist. Is there a reason you are attracted to the wrong men? (Attached, emotionally unavailable, bad attitude to women/fidelity)

As for the cab thing, to be honest I think it’s healthier to assess whether you have the capacity for a relationship before getting into one.

People who have the capacity/are ready to be in relationships are much more likely to be able to make things work when the inevitable challenges and bumps of life come along.

So that means people who are ready don’t just settle for any old person who is there , but they do have a broader scope with the level of compatibility, chemistry etc they find in a partner.

I think to people who are 75% compatible, have some decent chemistry and a good attitude/capacity for relationships have a much better shot than two with over 95% personality compatibility, being smoking hot for each other and an attitude that stinks/emotional immaturity/not being ready.

But none of that has anything to do with this situation. You’re being (at best silly) and he’s being a chancer.

So again, is there a reason you choose emotionally unavailable men? Are you emotionally unavailable/have an avoidant attachment style?

Because getting hung up over prefect matches and soulmates can also be a sign of that.

Personally, you’ve had a lucky escape. He sounds like a player. 60/40 ratio of men and women’s infidelity. Run for the hills and start again somewhere else.

Honestly, I fail to see the taxi cab relevance to your situation, unless you’re priding yourself on being objectively ‘better’ than his girlfriend, and deluding yourself he’d have chosen you had he met you first and bought a house with you before he met some other craven desperado at work whose self-esteem is poor enough to get her kicks from snogging attached colleagues in the photocopy room.

Yes, there’s definite truth to it.

I worked with a guy who actually said to me one day ‘I’m ready to settle down and I’m going to marry the next girl I kiss’. That very night he kissed a mutual colleague on a work night out, and did indeed end up marrying her.

They have two kids and seem happy-ish enough, but it’s never struck me as any great love match. Maybe it doesn't need to be for them. He, and I assume she, were in a place where they wanted to get married and have 2.4 kids and he wasn’t overly picky about who that person would be.