Is the taxi cab theory true?

[ParrotTwist]

I've recently been involved with a man at work who's in a relationship. We found ourselves texting all the time and flirting at work and one thing led to another and on impulse we met up and ended up kissing, which would've gone further if he didn't have somewhere to be. He told me he thinks the world of me and that he wishes he'd met me before his girlfriend because he would've jumped at the chance to be with me. He then told me he won't leave his girlfriend because they own a house together and his family like her and that we need to end what is going on with us.

But it got me thinking about the episode in Sex and the City where Miranda says that men are like taxis. She says they decide one day they're ready to settle down and they turn their light on and the next woman they like, they'll do that with.

Is there any truth to this theory? In this scenario it seems to me that he's settled down with her because he's got to the age where he feels like he should; it works practically and not because he thinks she's the love of his life. However it got me thinking are men and women wired that differently? For me, I would say that if his head was turned that easily she isn't the love of his life but maybe I'm just a romantic.

Also, I'm fully aware that I come off terribly in this situation, it was just like my brain stopped working when I was around him.

True, but it's also well estabished over decades worth of anonymous studies that an average of 20% of men will admit to cheating on their wives and 40% to cheating overall (ie. with girlfriends / unmarried partners). For women the average is around 13% for both.

The only guesswork is in figuring out which ones they are.

I think you're just distracting yourself from some much needed self reflection. You need to ask yourself why the fuck you were willing to get involved with someone you knew was already in a relationship and why you so readily and easily believed his tediously unoriginal lies.

I don't think you realise that men will just lie and say whatever you want to hear to get a shag out of you it's that simple. Of course he wants to be with his girlfriend or he wouldn't be with her ! And he is telling you he would have been with you if he had met you first so you believe he is into you I wish women would wise up to these idiotic men because they allow this poor behaviour to continue

It's the age old cliche innit "my wife doesn't understand me"
Trust me, the wife understands him perfectly, he just wants an illicit shag.
Don't be the woman that waits years for him to leave his wife, and end up sad, single and childless, he won't leave her

I think you're misunderstanding me a bit. We're not "settling", we're just more pragmatic than there's no such thing as a perfect partner, so we search until we've found someone that ticks enough of our boxes.

Men want all the same things women do in relationships. Love, companionship, someone to share our lives with, and of course regular sex.

The main difference between the way the two sexes go about relationships I think is the biological clock.

Men don't have the same time constraints women do, we can afford to spend a couple of years with someone who we're having fun with right now but don't see a future with. We can afford to spend a few years single and play the field on Tinder.

We don't have that little nagging voice saying I need to be pregnant by 35, that's going to leave me financially vulnerable so I need to be married by 33, engaged by 31, met the right bloke by 28.

No ticking clock, no time pressure, and a wider view on what counts as a viable relationship. That explains most of the differences in the way we go about finding a partner.

Ick.

That’s really interesting counting back like that. I never thought of it that way. Biological clock is of course a concept that’s ingrained in most women from a relatively early age but hadn’t thought of the time scale to go through all the hoops like you’ve described to get to the nearing of the end of the clock ticking. I guess it depends on whether the couple want to go down the traditional route. I met mine late 20s and he asked what my priority was - house, marriage, kids so we could plan accordingly. We chose house for stability, got engaged and got pregnant before we officially moved in. Still not married but can’t justify the £1000’s of an average wedding with doing up the house we bought, cost of living etc, though would be nice one day.

I suppose it’s about getting the balance right. You need to be really attracted on several levels so that you are invested enough that if someone who potentially ticks more boxes comes along further down the line, you are happy to remain committed to your partner and still be fulfilled.

Thanks for answering.

I don't get why that's ick. As a woman I don't find what he's saying surprising. It seems pretty factual.

Answering the question rather than just slating men saying they're after an impulse shag...

Yes, I do believe this is true. I'm a guy and hadn't even given marriage a second thought until I was 30. It wasn't even a blip on my radar. I'd been with some wonderful women until that point, but had no interest in marriage whatsoever, and that is what led to the end of all my relationships. And no, it wasn't my intention to mess with these girls, I'd always believed the right one would change me.

Then I hit around 30 and the switch flipped, and it literally was the first girl I met. Looking back, there was nothing wrong with any of the girls I dated, and it would have been any of them had they shown up at that point.

I'll acknowledge it doesn't sound great, but I'd imagine many people haven't married their 'Mr Right'... but rather ended up marrying their 'Mr Right Time'.

Who cares, raise your bar and get a man of your own.

I think both men and women do this to an extent. When I was in my 20s I and my friends broke up with men for minor or silly reasons, when I got older I made a definite decision to stay in my relationship, and my biological clock definitely had an impact on this.

I think it’s more likely he fancies you OP and wanted to test the water as much as he could, perhaps if he had met you first you’d get to be the lucky woman he cheats on and belittles to female co workers.

@Hotgirlwinter 👏👏👏👏👏

I think a lot of men and women settle when they get to a certain age, if they want a conventional life (kids etc.). Men generally a bit older than women.

I'm not sure I'd trust what this man has to say, though.

Neither of you are exactly keepers, are you.

The pair of you need to find some morals.

Yes, I think it's true

It's more likely that this man has insecurities that make him need ego boosts away from the home.

I bet if his wife was doing this, his response wouldn't be quite so cool as to say if only he'd met you first.

He's lying, he wants to keep her and he's letting you down gently so you don't cause trouble at work and in his home life.

Whether or not you've slept with him, the thing is, you are just in the right place right time, a convienient person, if you met in another setting he may just pass you by, but you have both been flung together by the fate of working at the same place, if it wasn't you it probably would have been another worker.

What you're saying is, was his partner just lucky cause she was in the right place, right time when he was ready to settle down. I doubt it, men arn't stupid when chosing a life partner, she will have had qualities that he greatly wanted and admired but he'll never tell you that.

Anyway looks like you gave it your best shot, you knew he was taken, you offered it on a plate and you said he turned you down.
Now you have to placate yourself saying he had to get off that evening and that the timing wasn't right.

I think you're deluding yourself.
Find a single man, you don't have to gaslight yourself quite so much then.

For some men the taxi analogy will be true, but for many it isn't - just look at the numbers of women who post about a partner who won't commit. And how often they stay for years, only for the man to split up with them and marry someone else quite soon after. Most women will know at least one person this has happened to.

Lots of men will stick with someone who is 'good enough' for now, but won't truly commit (although they'll happily have babies) until someone comes along who bliows their socks off.

And some men will cheat, whoever they are with, and however great they think that person is.

Seeing as how he didn't even give you the 'my partner doesn't understand me' spiel, OP, I think you have encountered one of those.

It sounds like he’s already “parked” in his current relationship, not because of love, but because it makes sense for him. The Taxi Cab Theory explains that people settle down when they feel ready, not necessarily with the love of their life—this article dives deeper into why timing matters more than emotions in some relationships.