Is the taxi cab theory true?

[ParrotTwist]

I've recently been involved with a man at work who's in a relationship. We found ourselves texting all the time and flirting at work and one thing led to another and on impulse we met up and ended up kissing, which would've gone further if he didn't have somewhere to be. He told me he thinks the world of me and that he wishes he'd met me before his girlfriend because he would've jumped at the chance to be with me. He then told me he won't leave his girlfriend because they own a house together and his family like her and that we need to end what is going on with us.

But it got me thinking about the episode in Sex and the City where Miranda says that men are like taxis. She says they decide one day they're ready to settle down and they turn their light on and the next woman they like, they'll do that with.

Is there any truth to this theory? In this scenario it seems to me that he's settled down with her because he's got to the age where he feels like he should; it works practically and not because he thinks she's the love of his life. However it got me thinking are men and women wired that differently? For me, I would say that if his head was turned that easily she isn't the love of his life but maybe I'm just a romantic.

Also, I'm fully aware that I come off terribly in this situation, it was just like my brain stopped working when I was around him.

He wants a stable domestic set-up, financial stability and a veneer of respectability while fucking around as much as he likes. That’s all. You’re not soulmates, prevented from being together and living your truth because he ‘settled’ for his poor mug of a girlfriend. He just knows what to say to get into women’s pants.

Two things stand out for me here:

Your language - "found ourselves in a relationship", "one thing led to another" and "on impulse"....what a load of cobblers. You made a choice every step of the way

Your willingness to have sex with a taken man (if he hadn't had somewhere to be) - have you examined why you are happy to offer yourself for sex with someone else's partner??

Would love to know the girlfriend's side of this. You should ask her, she deserves to know who she is with before kids come along

You’re asking the wrong question OP. What you need to ask is why you’ve got so little self respect that you fall for the cliched generic bollocks of an attached man who will tell women anything to get into their knickers.

He sounds like a sleazy player and I imagine you’re latest in a long list of convenient women he’s stuck his tongue down the throat of while spinning the same old BS lines.

His poor gf. She deserves to know what a creep she’s shacked up with

Go and stand in front of the mirror and take a good look at the sort of woman that will shag an other woman's man if he's willing. Then ask yourself if that's the sort of woman you want to be. Hopefully you will say no!

What was he going to say instead?

“You’re good enough for a bit on the side!’

one thing led to another and on impulse we met up and ended up kissing, which would've gone further if he didn't have somewhere to be

I don’t know why posters are saying he wants a bit on the side. The op basically offered it to him on a plate. He made his excuses and left and has said it has to end.

So he does not want to fuck the op.

perhaps if he had met you first you’d get to be the lucky woman he cheats on and belittles to female co workers.

Perfectly put, @hotgirlwinter !

He chickened out at the last minute. And told the OP he was basically only staying with his partner because of joint finances and the fact his family liked her. Maybe it’s different for you, but in my world this hardly makes him a shining example of sexual ethics and integrity.

OR... he's a rancid chancer playing hard to get to boost his ego/narcissistic tendancies??

I don't know, but I'm sure they are around somewhere 😉

He's not exactly 'settling down' if he's snogging a colleague. He's using two women. What a keeper.

Interesting. I actually think for some people that is the best match. They want someone they are fundamentally compatible with but who they are not head over heels with. They want to feel calm and balanced and pragmatic in their for-life relationship. It's too exhausting trying to hold down a job and have kids with someone who obsessively, passionately fills every second of your head space.

Any "theory" with a premise of "all men are like this, all women are like that" is bollocks and it's depressing that so many people still think in blanket generalisations about the sexes.

Obviously it applies to some men though. Probably some women as well, particularly those who want kids.

It's too exhausting trying to hold down a job and have kids with someone who obsessively, passionately fills every second of your head space.

Why? Surely that's the point of life?

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Sounds like bullshit to me.

It's the player types that are like that. Pick someone decent.

There was a thread a couple of months ago where a really insightful Poster laid out a scenario of how men think when they treat the OW the way they do and posited the theory that a lot of men get with a woman and then are lest by them through the milestones - moving in together, marriage, babies - bc that’s what’s expected and they don’t have a major problem with it, but ultimately these women aren’t the loves of their lives, they just happen to be there at that particular time and they go along with what they want to keep them happy/ for a quiet life/ to keep them etc. and then a few years down the line THEY MEET the woman who they share massive compatibility with and find really attractive - and that’s when they realise they’re not happy and have actually ‘fallen in love’, whatever that means for them. It’s sad for everyone, even if they choose to stay with their original partner bc they aren’t happy and yearn to be with the OW… whether or not that would have worked out who knows. Quite depressing but it makes sense to me, in some cases at least.

Ouch, that would sting a bit. I hope he's at least decent.

Either way he had the OP eating out the palm of his hand.

Your language - "found ourselves in a relationship", "one thing led to another" and "on impulse"....what a load of cobblers. You made a choice every step of the way

Yes. He's a sleaze but don't pretend you didn't actively chose to go along.

My brother’s friend told him when he’d just started seeing someone that he would propose in a year’s time - which he did and he’s now re-married after multiple affairs and she’s a very bitter version of herself with their 2 kids. It was a goal not a heartfelt desire bc he was in competition with other family members and wanted to be the first among his friends to get married as a badge of honour or something, after a lifetime of playing 2nd fiddle, who knows. Very sad, but predictable.

Can I ask why you think men choose to jump off and settle for ‘good enough’ when they do? Why do they want to settle for someone who’s alright when they can be having fun with different women and more excitement etc - why do you think they want to settle? Or why would you have chosen to settle before being ‘thrown off’?

Every man who wants an affair will paint his current partner in an awful light. Every single time.

He hasn’t settled for this woman, he loves her but (as another poster has said) is entirely led by his dick and doesn’t see why he shouldn’t have his cake and eat it. He wants you to feel sorry for him being “stuck” in his current relationship so you’ll shag him but he’ll never need to commit to you.

Run away, OP, this man is scum.