Do you know your 'boyfriend's' income?

[GreigeO]

Cause I don't.

Boyfriend in scare quotes as we're in our 50's

We've been seeing each other 5 years, but don't live together as each have 50/50 childcare with our ex's.

He knows what I earn cos I am an open book, but I don't know what he earns. It's been so long now it would feel like prying to ask. I know its a lot more than I'm on - maybe even by 10x.

Just curious if that's unusual, it feels it to me.

Yes I do but a very different scenario as we live together and have a toddler.

To me he is hiding a possibly not so nice deed

We've been married for over 40 years and we've been both been open books re income etc. A good marriage/partnership is openesss and honesty and 50/50 finances, ie what is mine is yours and yours is mine.

I didn't know the actual figure before we lived together but thought he def earned more based on where he'd take me and pay versus what what I could afford to do for him

Yes.
Also 50s, been together around 6 years and don't live together.
I know because I do his tax return.
We've discussed what I earn cos I mentioned it when I had a decent payrise a couple of years ago, but whether he still "knows" I have no idea.

Yes, though we live together. We spoke about finances about 18 months in to our relationship when we started to discuss moving in together

Not a clue. I could probably find out if I cared enough to look but we don't live together and I pay my own way so we live to my budget
I know he's paid well but no idea of figures

Yes. I knew it before we lived together, but I know his finances more intimately now we live together and have a family.

I’m with my husband 26 years and he doesn’t know what I earn. I’m not hiding anything but he’s never asked and I’ve never told him. I am aware of his finances.

Thought I did, until recently 😨 Turns out it was less than he made out. Problematic as we live together and have two small children!

Yes, we’re very open about finances. Have been before we lived together and are even more so now we do and have a child.

Yes. We applied for a mortgage so it was all clear. Before that I was the closed book as I could tell mine was smaller and I was embarrassed but if you're a couple I can see it's better to just share that info

No. & he doesn't know my income either. I'm 60, been with him 7 years live down the road from each other. If we were young starting out on marriage and DCs or were planning to marry now (I don't want to marry but he's quite keen) then yeah I'd want to know his income. But since thats not the case, and we don't even live together, then no. When I go I want to leave house and all else to my DCs. He can do same for his. I know he's not broke. Thats enough.

I met my now husband when we both worked at the same place... we worked in payroll so there was no hiding what we earned 😂

No. He knows mine though. I suspect I earn more than he thought I do but he definitely earns more than me by some margin. We don't live together.

Completely agree: we have been married for 28 years but don't have joint finances (MN red flag!) and DH doesn't know my precise income, which is significant, nor do I know what his is (apart from being his pe!)

Yes, we don't live together, been together a few years, know each others' incomes (his much higher than mine), probably because we discuss possibilities for our future together and what we can/can't afford.

*pension

Massive difference. You're married, OP isn't. Where joint kids are involved marriage is best. But in a later in life relationship each party should protect themselves which includes their kids from prior relationships. That may mean marriage benefits one party more than the other, but with no joint kids involved then the party seeking to benefit from the other's previously earned assets is a cock lodger or gold digger.

I don’t really know my boyfriend’s income, he told me when he got a payrise what his hourly rate is, but I can’t remember and I don’t know how many hours he works. I work for the NHS, he knows what band I am on so it’s freely available if he wants to look it up. Or I’d happily tell him if he asked. It’s not really relevant though because we don’t live together or share any expenses, nor are we planning to in the near future.

Thinking of boyfriends I had in the distant past, no I don’t think I ever did. It wouldn’t have been something that interested me and we didn’t have shared financial responsibilities, so why would I? I had boyfriends in the past who I lived with but more in a ‘I’m between flats, yeah, I’ll stay at yours’ and then it lasted for a year or so. But we were never on a tenancy or a mortgage together, or had bills in joint names. Definitely none of them would have had any idea what I earned either.

Even with Dh, I could give you a good guess of a ballpark figure, but he is a director of a limited company so doesn’t get paid a salary that’s the same every month or year, so I truly don’t know what he makes. It’s closer to say £100k than £30k but I couldn’t guess the exact number. He would have no idea what make either, though could make a guess. We know our joint expenses and our monthly budget, but neither really have stable fixed incomes in that way.

You don’t live together or have any joint finance responsibilities so it’s not really necessary for you to know or not know.

I know my partners as we live together and we are paid into the same account.

Nope and he doesn’t know mine

If you're aren't financially tied (don't live together, no kids, no debt in joint names) and can both support yourselves then I don't suppose it makes a difference?!

Me and DP live together and have a joint account so yes we know what each other earns.

I’ve been with dp for about 5 years now. I do know what he earns but that’s because he’s been discussing job hunting and pensions. We don’t live together - but both are financially confortable - so I don’t really care what he earns.

I'm in exactly the same situation as you, OP. I wasn't brought up to talk openly about money and I would feel it was rude to ask my DP. I have a job that he would roughly know what I earnt. He is the boss at work, so must earn a lot (and his DCs are at private school). I'd be interested to know but I wouldn't ask!