Do you know your 'boyfriend's' income?

[GreigeO]

Cause I don't.

Boyfriend in scare quotes as we're in our 50's

We've been seeing each other 5 years, but don't live together as each have 50/50 childcare with our ex's.

He knows what I earn cos I am an open book, but I don't know what he earns. It's been so long now it would feel like prying to ask. I know its a lot more than I'm on - maybe even by 10x.

Just curious if that's unusual, it feels it to me.

Exactly the same for me. It's a need to know basis - 61 and 55, our own properties, don't live together full-time and we don't rely on each other in any way financially so there's no need to know. (Though actually I do know he earns about half of what I do as he gets very excited about his pay rises and likes to tell me! I am self-employed and was brought up never to talk about money so no-one knows how much I make except HMRC.)

Yes, he's very open. My income has changed a lot in recent months but he's aware

Possibly - but we have both been open and fair before marriage.
A marriage, partnership is 50/50 in my books

Since we both left work at just over 50 years ago, few months later the only separate accounts we had, ie Current Accounts became joint accounts as we felt it was easier - we share cc's, ie named but same account. Anyone can take all
All of our properties always jointly named as all savings. The only things that are in single names is cars as the logbook does not allow it

However, I see your point, thanks

It's interesting to see such a mix.

I guess I had assumed that people were open about this sort of thing with those who they are closest to. I absolutely agree that I don't need to know, because we are not financially linked in anyway. Like someone set up thread, I would be interested to know, but wouldn't ask.

It's must be very different when you get together a bit later in life. There was a similar thread earlier about pooling money. DH and I have been together 30+ yrs and neither of us had the proverbial pot in our v early 20's so everything has been chucked in together for all that time. If I ever get with anyone else (I won't- if he dies or buggers off I'm not bothered about another bloke to look after) I wouldn't be merging money so not interested about his earnings unless he couldn't split 50/50. Sounds a bit harsh maybe but I'd want what DH and I have built to go straight to our son once we have both shuffled off.

I didn't know DH's income before we bought a property together - it obviously came up when it came to affordability & mortgage checks. We'd been a couple for 4 years by then. But I knew it was a comfortable amount and he is in a senior role in a professional job. Even now we have been married for over a decade and have shared finances, we are a bit vague about each other's income, as it comes from a few different sources and goes into different accounts.

What's your motivation for wanting to know @GreigeO? Something more than idle curiosity?

Both in our 50s, together for 9 years. I know roughly (to within about £10k) but couldn’t tell you the exact figure. He knows exactly what I earn because he was at my house when my DD and I were filling in her student finance forms 😊

If you don't live together, have no financial ties and the relationship is otherwise equal then why would you need to know his income. If I were in the same situation I wouldn't consider it any of my business.

I don't even know what dh earns and we own a house together and have dc. Been married 25 years and he has always refused to tell me. When we bought the house he was actually unemployed so we got it just on my wage. I know he's a higher rate tax earner as the child benefit got stopped at one point when dc were little. But it works both ways, I've had a few promotions since then and haven't told him what I earn, though he could google if he wanted to as my job the wages are public record.

I think if you're not living together then it's perfectly normal not to know all your partners financial details.

We've been married for years now and even before we married I knew what he earned and what he had in the bank. HD kept his financial records in a drawer in a cabinet by his chair. I used to check some of his statements sometimes as he was in the habit of simply accepting them. He also knew what I earned (a lot less than him at the time). We've always been totally open about finances.

I'd assume as you don't live together there's no need to know each other's income unless it came up in conversation naturally. Is he secretive by nature or has it just never come up? To be honest, I don't know DHs exact salary and we've been married 34 years!

Married 35 years and my husband doesn’t know what I earn, he never has. We’ve got individual finances, he pays for nearly everything, I pay 1 bill.
His original bank account was put into a joint account, it’s only his wages that gets paid into it, my name was added onto his account when I gave up work and he done it so I could access money if I needed any, my wages goes into my own account, I do online banking so got access to all our accounts, he’ll ask to have a look at his account, even though he can see my account he never looks at what gets paid into it and what I spend. He obviously can see what is in my current and savings accounts but never says anything

I think this is only acceptable if you live apart in separate houses.

Life is too short and if you feel the need to mislead your own partner I do not see the point. It is dishonest. Shocked at those who are saying they have been together 28 years and there husbands don't know how much they earn.

It seems mad that married or long term couples don’t know each others salaries. We’ve always known each others. But in your scenario, given you don’t seem to have any shared financial commitments, I’d be less concerned.

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest. You don't live together or have joint finances so it's irrelevant. As long as he isn't constantly expecting you to pay gor everything or asking for money I really don't see any reason to know

This is a ridiculous statement. There’s absolutely nothing misleading about whether you discuss finances or not with your spouse. My dh is a pensioner now, we have both separate and joint accounts but I don’t feel the need to discuss what I earn with anyone.

When we were younger with a mortgage and childcare costs he knew what I earned but there’s absolutely nothing misleading about him not knowing now.

I was married before so maybe that has some bearing as to why I keep my finances private now but nothing dishonest about it. I have never lied (which would be dishonest).

We’ve been together a long time now, but always knew each other’s salaries.

Married and together 7 years. I know a ball park figure but not to the exact amount. If made to say, I'd say £30k but I earn more than him so it's not really ever mattered to me. He has told me in the past I think but it hasn't stuck in my head!!

OP I posted similar about 6 months ago. I didn't want to ask DP his salary. I bit the bullet and asked and we had a good conversation about it. I think it is better to get it out in the open if it's a long term relationship: at least I don't regret asking..

My boyfriend didn't ask what I earned. He told me what he earned. We didn't live together. If we had lived together I would not been bothered him.knowing or not knowing as we would not have had any dependents.. if I ever end up livin with someone would probably expect it to be 50 50 of costs.

Had the financial conversation the other day as we are cautiously thinking of living together.

It was quite a shock, he's on an embarrassingly larger salary than my income although he also has a lot of outgoings as he subsidises his dad extensively.

We don't live together. I know roughly what my partner's salary is, only because they've mentioned it in passing once or twice in relation to discussions about things like COLC etc. They have no idea what my income is because I've never mentioned it. We've never had a "how much do you earn?" conversation because we have no financial ties, so it's not something either of us consider the other's business, or particularly relevant.

Dp and I don't live together - similar circs as you op, we've been 'together' 10 years.

He recently had an informal job interview by phone - we were in the car in an isolated spot so I couldn't really get out whilst he was chatting. He told them his salary expectation and I nearly passed out. Afterwards he said 'maybe I should have gone higher than my current salary...' - I thought he'd high-balled them.

It's really knocked me for six to be honest. I knew his salary when we met but several promotions, new companies later it's almost double what I thought and almost 3 times my salary. I've sometimes struggled to ensure I pay 50/50 on everything we do together (and importantly he's never offered to treat me knowing how much I struggle).

If you know his job then can get an idea? X