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Original poster

Splitting up over student finance

129 replies

samsonthecat · 03/04/2024 17:57

I’m in bits. Dp of 5 years who lives with me will not allow me to add him to DD student finance application. The rules say I have to give his details as household income. The only way out I can see is that he moves out and we are over.
i am heartbroken and would like a hand hold please.

OP posts:
Isthisit22 · 03/04/2024 18:17

People are missing the point. It’s not a partnership if her DP won’t even disclose his earnings. She’s not asking him for anything but he’s making it clear he thinks she may ask for something or just doesn’t trust her enough to be open about finances. That’s a problem

bows101 · 03/04/2024 18:19

Can you put her fathers income instead?
I know it's not ideal but if a live in partner is simply refusing anything to do with it, then I can't see how you can force them.
He obviously sees himself as a boyfriend instead of wholly part of your and your child's life.

wp65 · 03/04/2024 18:19

OP, has he given a reason why he won't let you put his income down?

QuillBill · 03/04/2024 18:24

bows101 · 03/04/2024 18:19

Can you put her fathers income instead?
I know it's not ideal but if a live in partner is simply refusing anything to do with it, then I can't see how you can force them.
He obviously sees himself as a boyfriend instead of wholly part of your and your child's life.

You can't replace the dp with her father's rightly or wrongly that's not what the loan is awarded on.

The ex could be a billionaire and it makes no difference to the loan as it's on household income.

claudiawinklemansfringetrimmer · 03/04/2024 18:24

Is he dodging tax or something? Why won’t he put it down?

EmmaEmerald · 03/04/2024 18:30

Dumb question

does the application not even ask about parents, who are often divorced?

I can’t say I blame him tbh. You say DP. I always think the point of not being married is to ensure separation of finances and I’m obviously clueless but maybe he didn’t know it would be a factor in student finance either.

ETA I’m aware student finance is a complete mess but I hadn’t realised it would be mad enough not to accept two parents.

PeaPalRIDriots · 03/04/2024 18:30

The first key question here is not what you should do, but WHY he won’t put his details down.

Why doesn’t he want to do that? You asked him surely?

The answer to that question will also answer what you do. But don’t lie on the form; it’s fraud.

DietrichandDiMaggio · 03/04/2024 18:31

Portish · 03/04/2024 18:02

I've always thought it was optional to put both incomes. A higher household income means a lower student loan which means the student has less debt but has to be supported by parent(s) or a job. A single, lower income might mean a higher or full student loan given so the student has more debt but doesn't have to rely on parental help or a job. When my child was university aged friends of hers did one or the other. I suppose it comes down to your child having the majority of debt or you using your savings. I've no idea if it's legal or illegal?

No, you are not allowed to do this. That's why there are always parents on here saying that they can't afford to make up the difference between the amount their child can borrow based on the parents income, and the maximum loan. The point is that the government expects parents to fund their children and only if the parents are on a low household income can students get the maximum loan.

As some others have said, you can just apply for the minimum loan and then you don't have to give income details, because everyone can get it.

QuillBill · 03/04/2024 18:32

*Dumb question

does the application not even ask about parents, who are often divorced*?
No, it's madness. It's just household income. If you don't live with your biological father he could be the King and it wouldn't matter.

EmmaEmerald · 03/04/2024 18:33

QuillBill · 03/04/2024 18:32

*Dumb question

does the application not even ask about parents, who are often divorced*?
No, it's madness. It's just household income. If you don't live with your biological father he could be the King and it wouldn't matter.

Thank you

how can this be happening in 2024!

sorry OP, I hope everything works out.

Flopsythebunny · 03/04/2024 18:33

I don't blame him for not wanting student finance to have all his private financial information. He he isn't your child's father, not even a step father and has no obligation to support them in any way

LittleBrenda · 03/04/2024 18:37

Flopsythebunny · 03/04/2024 18:33

I don't blame him for not wanting student finance to have all his private financial information. He he isn't your child's father, not even a step father and has no obligation to support them in any way

So he will have to move out as that's the process. The OPs dd wants to go to university.

She has to fill the form in so either he moves out or the dd gets the minimum loan.

JulesJules · 03/04/2024 18:39

The loan amount is definitely calculated on current household income not the absent parent's income. Unless your DC just applies for the minimum loan your DP will have to supply SFE with income details (P60). If your DC has the minimum loan (£4.6k) you would have to make it up to the maximum, £10.2k.

Crazycrazylady · 03/04/2024 18:41

I'm sorry that it's comes to this Op. you can't force him and it's very telling that he'd rather break up than do it for you and your daughter .

Really very sad.

RoastLambs · 03/04/2024 18:41

JulesJules · 03/04/2024 18:39

The loan amount is definitely calculated on current household income not the absent parent's income. Unless your DC just applies for the minimum loan your DP will have to supply SFE with income details (P60). If your DC has the minimum loan (£4.6k) you would have to make it up to the maximum, £10.2k.

She knows all of that. She said so in her opening post.

JulesJules · 03/04/2024 18:43

RoastLambs · 03/04/2024 18:41

She knows all of that. She said so in her opening post.

Show quote history

No she didn't. And no need for the snark.

TinyYellow · 03/04/2024 18:45

If he’s that selfish that he would rather live with you at your daughters expense, you should be chucking him out anyway. He is not a supportive partner, he’s a bastard of a step parent and he couldn’t care less if you or your daughter get in trouble for fraud. You can do better.

Original poster
samsonthecat · 03/04/2024 18:49

TinyYellow · 03/04/2024 18:45

If he’s that selfish that he would rather live with you at your daughters expense, you should be chucking him out anyway. He is not a supportive partner, he’s a bastard of a step parent and he couldn’t care less if you or your daughter get in trouble for fraud. You can do better.

Hi point is that with just my income she would get more loan. He thinks he is being helpful saying he won’t give his details. What he is really doing is making me choose to either commit fraud or ask him to move out.
she will get slightly more than the minimum with both of our incomes but almost maximum with just my income.

OP posts:
PeaPalRIDriots · 03/04/2024 18:56

samsonthecat · 03/04/2024 18:49

Hi point is that with just my income she would get more loan. He thinks he is being helpful saying he won’t give his details. What he is really doing is making me choose to either commit fraud or ask him to move out.
she will get slightly more than the minimum with both of our incomes but almost maximum with just my income.

Show quote history

I think the answer is that you simply tell him you aren’t willing to commit fraud, therefore what does HE suggest you do? Let him do some of the mental workings out; it’s best phrased that way too. Logically, he’ll either offer to move out or give his details.

Springtime789 · 03/04/2024 18:56

EmmaEmerald · 03/04/2024 18:30

Dumb question

does the application not even ask about parents, who are often divorced?

I can’t say I blame him tbh. You say DP. I always think the point of not being married is to ensure separation of finances and I’m obviously clueless but maybe he didn’t know it would be a factor in student finance either.

ETA I’m aware student finance is a complete mess but I hadn’t realised it would be mad enough not to accept two parents.

Edited

I agree , student finance needs such an over haul. It probably feels like madness to the ops partner. Dd has two actively involved parents and the student loans company are asking for his salary information and not her actual fathers. It’s such a crap system!

RoastLambs · 03/04/2024 18:57

This reply has been deleted

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TinyYellow · 03/04/2024 18:58

Yes, the idea is that as an adult in your daughters household with some kind of financial responsibility for the family, he contributes to her upkeep.

This isn’t about him wanting her to have more loan, and even if he did, how would that be in her best interests? The debts our kids are carrying when they leave uni are awful. He just doesn’t want to pay his fair share.

Unfortunately a lot of families have been caught out in this way. This is why parents need to think it through very carefully when they allow a partner to move in with their children and consider all the potential issues.

RoastLambs · 03/04/2024 18:59

This isn’t about him wanting her to have more loan, and even if he did, how would that be in her best interests? The debts our kids are carrying when they leave uni are awful. He just doesn’t want to pay his fair share.

There must be more to it than he doesn't want to contribute though as why would he just not have said this in the first place.

It's a ridiculous system.

Scarletttulips · 03/04/2024 19:02

Normally the kids here just put mums wages on from one household - if they say they are in contact with dad then he and new wife finances are added up to give the non loan.

The difference could be ££££

If max loan is £9000 and the min is £5000 then any remaining adults have to make it up to the £9000 for the student to live -yes less loan but also less debt.

If mum and stepdad are a couple they should share the cost equally.

Axx · 03/04/2024 19:03

Unless he moves out what she'd get on just your income is a moot point.

It's a shit system. What's he said when you've told him he's being the opposite of helpful?

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