WWYD? – Wife’s suicide threats

[MorganFreemansVoice]

We have had a pretty toxic relationship almost entirely because of my wife’s compulsive lies. The reason we are still together is that we have DC, and we both love her dearly. I am afraid to separate because I am very worried that I won’t be seeing DD as much, and also, I am very worried about leaving DD only in my wife’s hands, knowing that she has some serious mental issues.

I strongly suspect that my wife has some serious psychological issues, but she doesn’t see it and refuses to go to a doctor. I suspect that she suffers from a serious case of OCD and Bipolar disorder. She’s extremely impulsive and unable to contain herself, and she is a compulsive liar.
For example, I had a great time with DD all day in the museums and parks. Before bedtime this evening, DD started being playful with me. It took me some time to convince DD that she needed to go to sleep, but with some hugging and kissing, we got there after ten minutes.
After I came out of the room (DD and wife co-sleep), wife shouted to bring in the nighttime brace for DD because she forgot to put it back after the toothbrush. Once DD saw me back in the room, she jumped off the bed and said she wanted to come with me. As DD was in four limbs on the floor, wife grabbed DD’s pyjamas from the back and was pulling it aggressively towards her and started yelling that DD does all this jumping and playing because of me, and she’s going to kill herself one day (and said all this in front of 7yo DD). It was not the first time when she threatened with suicide.

How can I deal with this situation?
How can I ask MIL to help me with this situation, considering that MIL has never been helpful.

TIA

Go and talk to your GP.

If your wife is bipolar you all need professional mental health services.

I think you need to talk to your GP about your concerns and ask their advise.

Sorry, in that particular example do you mean your wife said she would kill herself or did she mean your DD will ‘kill herself one day’, ie be hurt by jumping carelessly and getting over excited? I appreciate there is more behind it than just this example but it’s a bit hard to tell how it reads from what you’ve written.

If you reverse this post:

You say: "Before bedtime this evening, DD started being playful with me."

Thw reverse: I assume DH always hypes DD up just before bed. She then took ages to settle!

You say: "After I came out of the room (DD and wife co-sleep)"

The reverse: I haven't had a proper night's sleep for 7 years!

You say: "wife shouted to bring in the nighttime brace for DD because she forgot to put it back after the toothbrush."

The reverse: After all that, DH 's weaponised incompetence forgot to put in Dd's night time brace and then blamed it on her.. a 7 year old child!

You say: "Once DD saw me back in the room, she jumped off the bed and said she wanted to come with me."

Reverse: If DD is old enough to put her own brace on, she is old enough to know her behaviour at bedtime isn't appropriate. She normally wouldn't have made such a fuss...

But DH made such a hoo-ha bringing the brace in, it riled DD up again, just like before bed. She can become so boisterous and accident prone, I swear one of these days she will end up killing her self!

After finally wrangling her back into bed, She just wanted to stay with DH. It's clear I've had enough. I'm touched out. But DH just left me too it. Like he has for seven years.

I'm so fed. I just need a break. I'm actually feeling really low and depressed at this point.

DH is now gaslighting me into thinking I'm unwell. He says I have 'psychological issues' or OCD or that i'm Bipolar.

He's called me a compulsive liar. But has yet to show anyone any evidence or give examples of this.

DH even asked my mum to intervene before and he wants to get her involved again!

Aibu or is DH the problem?

Precisely this. DH is the problem. I really hope people wise up to this sort of gaslighting and misogyny. Wishing DW and DD well

and started yelling that DD does all this jumping and playing because of me, and she’s going to kill herself one day

Your wife said that she was going to kill herself? or that your dd might have an accident due to jumping?

What does your wife lie about?

Has your wife been diagnosed with any of these conditions or are you doing a bit of amateur diagnosis? It sounds like you’re driving your wife mad because of your continuous basis errors. Your child is 7. How do you still not know how to sort her out at bedtime?

Nothing from what you’ve written suggests your DW has bipolar or serious mental issues.

If she said she’s going to kill herself in front of your dd that is obviously wrong - but it isn’t clear that’s what she meant (did she mean dd is going to kill herself one day flinging herself off the bed?)

Would need more examples.

Yea, it does read by your own words that you W fears her DD might kill herself one day due to jumping around and flinging herself about. Which, she probably didn't mean literally, just pointing out dangerous overexcited behaviour.
You see nothing odd about a mother co-sleeping with her DD at 7 years old? Well there's the shining example of how much she doesn't want to ever sleep with you. I can't relate, my DS slept in his own cot, in his own room, from 6 months, and never had a sleep problem. So co-sleeping with DD is to keep away from you. Got to be a reason for that, I'd say your relationship is doomed.

From your post it sounds like you do all of the fun stuff - parks and museums, and your wife does the hard part of parenting. What do you do when your wife is left trying to get your child to sleep and co-sleeping? - I’m guessing you spend it on ‘me time’ after your fun day out.

Are you for real? What a reach!

I don't think you are seeing the difference between verbal exaggeration and truth. Do you maybe take everything literally rather than reading between the lines and gauging the overall meaning? You are poor at communicating with each other by the look of it. Things need to change though, it's not good for a child to be co-sleeping for so many years, that could cause issues down the line.

OP these responses are fucking ridiculous from biased women. I would leave her. Better yet if you want better advice write this again in a few weeks time and say you’re DW and DH is the problem. I promise you’ll learn what LTB means on the first reply.

See your own GP to talk about the situation.

Talk to your wife and tell her she needs to get help or you're done.

If no luck, you separate and you go to court for full custody.

You need to protect your kid first and foremost.

Don't speak to your GP.

If you have an abusive partner that effects your relationship with your child and you. The general advice is to leave.

And take your child with you.

That is the advice I would give to a woman or man that was in an abusive relationship.

Go.

And work the rest out after.

OP could be a woman in a same-sex relationship.

So stop any any reverse nonsense.

It’s pretty clear from the thread title and the OP that the wife is making suicide threats and to do so in front of her young child is quite disgusting actually. As is being aggressive by pulling her by her pyjamas. A 7 year old should be able to calm down without doing that. This is not an excitable toddler.

Why is a 7 year old wearing braces OP? Orthodontic treatment normally starts from 10-14 I thought? Why is your wife cosleeping with her at that age? Is she a very suffocating parent due to what you think is OCD?

Constantly threatening suicide in a child’s earshot is not a sign of a stable parent. Can you make an appointment to see your GP to discuss your concerns if she won’t? GP may be able to give advice.

When you say MIL is not much help, do you mean practically, or she knows about this and is dismissive?

Where was Mum all day whilst you and dd were in the museums ( plural ) and parks ( plural ) ?

and I have never heard of a child playing up at bedtime as being ' playful with me '

Likely to be a man from the username.

I absolutely know that more harm is done to women from men than the other way round.

BUT it doesn't do us well to see it as a one way street and deny that it does happen to men.

My husband was absolutely abused by a girlfriend he had before me. They didn't have children and he never told me about his 'crazy ex'

And she stomped him and punched him with keys in her hand as I went 'OMG', he just curled up and took a beating. A pummelling.

My husband and I have been together for 20 years. I'll never forget how his ex went for him. She broke his ribs.

It was bad.

So.

I absolutely see more abuse from men to women.

But It does happen the other was too.

Lees often. But it does. And it's shitty to not acknowledge that.

Precisely this. DH is the problem. I really hope people wise up to this sort of gaslighting and misogyny. Wishing DW and DD well

This is unbelievable. His DW threatens suicide in front of 7 year old child and you think he is the problem??

And why is she co sleeping with a 7 year old

Read it all. Still came away completely sure that your wife did not say anything to imply suicide meaning herself. She said your daughter would kill herself meaning that she was concerned about what the child was doing (perfectly normal - my child flings herself about daily and frightens the life out of me because I’m a mum and I am just as concerned that my DD will at least severely hurt herself). It's a phase. I’m sure she won't want to backflip over the sofa when she's 16. Find her a gymnastics club, take the pressure off your wife and therefore show your child how to do things safely.
So why did you take that leap to it being about suicidal intentions?
This could be a normal thing from a mum who's had to deal with "Mummy watch me!" Ad nauseam all too bloody often. And these requests are never something that a mum wouldn’t worry about.
Maybe stop drilling into your wife's parenting and have a look at your own if you don't already know this.
Do you not see outside of your own perspective?

That sounds tough OP, I’m sorry. Is your daughter aware of what her mum is saying? I think you really need to speak with your GP, it sounds like she really needs some help. We all struggle with our kids bouncing off the walls sometimes, but she needs to be able to manage without threatening suicide, if she’s suicidal, she needs help today and now. Did she suffer any depression after your DD was born? And was it treated at the time?

Orthodontics can start very early if adult teeth are very misplaced. My son had braces at 9.

just separate check in with a lawyer and go forward as two households/individuals.
does anyone have time for this silly he said she said/or she said she said/ or he said he said.
life is too short and parenting is hard enough without a bunch of online people chiming in to what sounds like an unhealthy relationship.