Page 2 | WWYD? – Wife’s suicide threats

MorganFreemansVoice · 2024-04-01T21:12:02+00:00

We have had a pretty toxic relationship almost entirely because of my wife’s compulsive lies. The reason we are still together is that we have DC, and we both love her dearly. I am afraid to separate because I am very worried that I won’t be seeing DD as much, and also, I am very worried about leaving DD only in my wife’s hands, knowing that she has some serious mental issues. I strongly suspect that my wife has some serious psychological issues, but she doesn’t see it and refuses to go to a doctor. I suspect that she suffers from a serious case of OCD and Bipolar disorder. She’s extremely impulsive and unable to contain herself, and she is a compulsive liar. For example, I had a great time with DD all day in the museums and parks. Before bedtime this evening, DD started being playful with me. It took me some time to convince DD that she needed to go to sleep, but with some hugging and kissing, we got there after ten minutes. After I came out of the room (DD and wife co-sleep), wife shouted to bring in the nighttime brace for DD because she forgot to put it back after the toothbrush. Once DD saw me back in the room, she jumped off the bed and said she wanted to come with me. As DD was in four limbs on the floor, wife grabbed DD’s pyjamas from the back and was pulling it aggressively towards her and started yelling that DD does all this jumping and playing because of me, and she’s going to kill herself one day (and said all this in front of 7yo DD). It was not the first time when she threatened with suicide. How can I deal with this situation? How can I ask MIL to help me with this situation, considering that MIL has never been helpful. TIA

RandomForest · 02/04/2024 02:53

I think you're going to have to give a little more context than 1 day of you taking your daughter out on a bank holiday park jaunt and one exitable bedtime . Maybe your daughter was reved up, does she normally have days out with you? or is this a treat.

As for the sleeping together, if you have a toxic relationship and do not sleep with your wife your child is going to be confused not knowing which way to turn if you are at one another all the time.
You say she is a compulsive liar, yet have given no examples, you have also diagnosed her with numerous mental illneses, be careful with your acusations as they may get turned round on you, as being your fault.

Your wife sounds unhappy.

As do you. Are you prepared to have your daughter if you leave or are you just going to 'worry' about her if you leave her with your wife ?

Let me have a stab at guessing what the toxic compulsive lies are....
Has she accused you of cheating ?

dinomirror · 02/04/2024 06:35

If the gender roles were reversed everyone would be screaming LTB. OP, i don't think you made a typo- your wife saying she will kill herself because of your 7 year old in front of her is absolutely unacceptable and i think you do need to end your marriage/seek professional help

passthehobnobsplease · 02/04/2024 06:48

AelinAshriver · 01/04/2024 23:59

If you reverse this post:

You say: "Before bedtime this evening, DD started being playful with me."

Thw reverse: I assume DH always hypes DD up just before bed. She then took ages to settle!

You say: "After I came out of the room (DD and wife co-sleep)"

The reverse: I haven't had a proper night's sleep for 7 years!

You say: "wife shouted to bring in the nighttime brace for DD because she forgot to put it back after the toothbrush."

The reverse: After all that, DH 's weaponised incompetence forgot to put in Dd's night time brace and then blamed it on her.. a 7 year old child!

You say: "Once DD saw me back in the room, she jumped off the bed and said she wanted to come with me."

Reverse: If DD is old enough to put her own brace on, she is old enough to know her behaviour at bedtime isn't appropriate. She normally wouldn't have made such a fuss...

But DH made such a hoo-ha bringing the brace in, it riled DD up again, just like before bed. She can become so boisterous and accident prone, I swear one of these days she will end up killing her self!

After finally wrangling her back into bed, She just wanted to stay with DH. It's clear I've had enough. I'm touched out. But DH just left me too it. Like he has for seven years.

I'm so fed. I just need a break. I'm actually feeling really low and depressed at this point.

DH is now gaslighting me into thinking I'm unwell. He says I have 'psychological issues' or OCD or that i'm Bipolar.

He's called me a compulsive liar. But has yet to show anyone any evidence or give examples of this.

DH even asked my mum to intervene before and he wants to get her involved again!

Aibu or is DH the problem?

Edited

Yep, I thought this too when I read the OP's post

Bestyearever2024 · 02/04/2024 07:09

Yes. I agree

The problem is the husband not the wife

The husband is gaslighting to make sure everyone thinks the wife is crazy

The wide needs a different husband or no husband at all

CheeryPye · 02/04/2024 07:29

What would I do? Well for a start I wouldn't post on here asking for advice. You'll get slaughtered. There's too many questions but you have given no examples of the lies and not written this very well. I'm hoping you are in a same sex relationship because if you are I really want to see what some of the biased women on here have to say for themselves. It should be fun watching the squirming.

Original poster

MorganFreemansVoice · 02/04/2024 07:57

frozendaisy · 01/04/2024 22:22

Go and talk to your GP.

If your wife is bipolar you all need professional mental health services.

I think you need to talk to your GP about your concerns and ask their advise.

We have different GPs. What could the GP do if she doesn't want to be seen by one?

OP posts:

GingerIsBest · 02/04/2024 08:16

This is a very long post but you don't give any real examples of the lying. The suicide threat is always bad and inwould consider that at "best" a cry for help but often its at "worst" a manipukative tool but the way you wrote this, it doesn't sound like she was threatening suicide at all so maybe that needs clarifying.

As others have said, in this one example you actually gave it does rather sound like a hyped up child out for the day with dad while mum has to deal with the fallout.

Better examples thatbillustrate your concerns would be helpful. Because advice would then range from leave her and take dd with you, to seek intervention to sort yourself out, depending.

Grimchmas · 02/04/2024 08:26

I assumed the OP is female in a female relationship.

Perhaps they will clarify.

or perhaps they won't return because people have been pretty nasty speculating about the reverse

Original poster

MorganFreemansVoice · 02/04/2024 08:38

RandomForest · 02/04/2024 02:53

I think you're going to have to give a little more context than 1 day of you taking your daughter out on a bank holiday park jaunt and one exitable bedtime . Maybe your daughter was reved up, does she normally have days out with you? or is this a treat.

As for the sleeping together, if you have a toxic relationship and do not sleep with your wife your child is going to be confused not knowing which way to turn if you are at one another all the time.
You say she is a compulsive liar, yet have given no examples, you have also diagnosed her with numerous mental illneses, be careful with your acusations as they may get turned round on you, as being your fault.

Your wife sounds unhappy.

As do you. Are you prepared to have your daughter if you leave or are you just going to 'worry' about her if you leave her with your wife ?

Let me have a stab at guessing what the toxic compulsive lies are....
Has she accused you of cheating ?

Every week, I spend two days off with DD. DD and I usually do some activities when I am off. When I work, I only see my daughter in the morning when I take her to school ( I don't see DD on my working days as I get home late). DD is a very good child; she usually doesn't make a fuss when she needs to go to bed, the fuss happens occasionally.

You can pick something, and she lies about it. One example is money. I am the only one buying DD toys, clothes, etc. Whenever I ask to buy DD something, she tells me the price, but the actual cost is 30-40 percentage less when I ask for her receipt. She has a job and makes a decent living. She doesn't pay for anything in the house.

I am prepared, and I want DD to be with me full-time.

OP posts:

Minfilia · 02/04/2024 08:43

Hi OP… Did your DW say “I’m going to kill myself or “she’s going to kill herself” as that isn’t clear from your post?

I think the advice here would be very different if it’s the former.

CatherinedeBourgh · 02/04/2024 08:46

CanNeverThinkOfAName · 02/04/2024 01:00

Likely to be a man from the username.

Show quote history

Edited as I looked at the wrong username.

Original poster

MorganFreemansVoice · 02/04/2024 08:48

dinomirror · 02/04/2024 06:35

If the gender roles were reversed everyone would be screaming LTB. OP, i don't think you made a typo- your wife saying she will kill herself because of your 7 year old in front of her is absolutely unacceptable and i think you do need to end your marriage/seek professional help

You are right. She said that she'd kill herself (not DD) just because DD was a bit playful and didn't listen to her commands when she said it. My wife was home all day relaxing.

OP posts:

Medschoolmum · 02/04/2024 08:50

Minfilia · 02/04/2024 08:43

Hi OP… Did your DW say “I’m going to kill myself or “she’s going to kill herself” as that isn’t clear from your post?

I think the advice here would be very different if it’s the former.

I think it's really clear from the OP's post that "she's going to kill herself" was reported speech and that the wife actually said "I'm going to kill myself". If she was talking about their dd, then it makes no sense at all for the OP to say that she is threatening suicide.

Of course, threatening suicide in front of her 7yo child would put the wife firmly in the wrong, so it's inevitable that some posters will do their best to twist it. This always happens on MN.

Menomeno · 02/04/2024 08:50

Minfilia · 02/04/2024 08:43

Hi OP… Did your DW say “I’m going to kill myself or “she’s going to kill herself” as that isn’t clear from your post?

I think the advice here would be very different if it’s the former.

I think that given many PPs have mentioned this, and OP has made no effort to clarify that it’s more than likely the second scenario.

I am prepared, and I want DD to be with me full-time.

I bet you do, OP. Weaponising an imagined psychiatric condition by abusive partners is a tale as old as time. Given that your DW cosleeps with DD, that suggests they have a close and loving relationship. And you want to deprive your child of her mother?

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 02/04/2024 08:55

Did your wife said that she was going to kill herself or that your dd was going to kill herself, meaning from what she views as unsafe jumping and throwing herself around? This is a really vital point that needs to be clarified for you to get meaningful replies.

kkloo · 02/04/2024 09:11

MorganFreemansVoice · 02/04/2024 08:48

You are right. She said that she'd kill herself (not DD) just because DD was a bit playful and didn't listen to her commands when she said it. My wife was home all day relaxing.

Show quote history

You say she was at home all day relaxing but you also said you think she suffers from a serious case of OCD and bipolar so does she ever really relax?

Do her suicide threats coincide with depressive stages or does she just randomly make them?

How does her OCD present itself?

Was she like this before pregnancy?

kkloo · 02/04/2024 09:16

dinomirror · 02/04/2024 06:35

If the gender roles were reversed everyone would be screaming LTB. OP, i don't think you made a typo- your wife saying she will kill herself because of your 7 year old in front of her is absolutely unacceptable and i think you do need to end your marriage/seek professional help

If the gender roles were reversed then the OP would also be being slated for leaving her child in that position with the dad presumably doing most of the childcare.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 02/04/2024 10:01

your wife was at home relaxing - oh my ! what a sinful thing to do on a day off from work !!!

so who looks after your child on the 5 days you are working ?

Medschoolmum · 02/04/2024 10:14

OP, as far as many MNers are concerned, you are in the wrong because you are (presumed to be) a man. Unless you come back to tell us that you're a woman in a same sex relationship, there will be nothing that you can do to fix this.

If your wife threatened to kill herself in front of your 7yo dd, this is absolutely unacceptable. Your child should not be exposed to this kind of behaviour and you need to consider how best to keep her safe. There isn't enough info in your posts for us to be able to advise you on how best to do this.

There are a couple of things that are troubling me about your own behaviour, though. Why, for example, are you demanding receipts for items that your wife has purchased? This seems quite controlling? And why are you wanting to involve your MIL in your relationship - what would you want her to do and what would you expect this to achieve?

Hoppinggreen · 02/04/2024 10:19

Why do you ask for her reciepts when she buys something?

GingerIsBest · 02/04/2024 10:39

This sounds pretty toxic all round so separating is probably the best option. Your wife threatening suicide in front of your DD is 100% not okay. And that worries me.

But I'm afraid there are a bunch of things in your posts that worry me a lot too.

Where is DD the two days you don't have her? One assumes she's with your wife and, as a PP points out, they also cosleep so they must have a pretty good relationship.

Why are you insisting on receipts for things purchased for DD?

You say she doesn't pay anything in the house and has a job - does this mean that she has plenty of money or is her job a part time "pin money" kind of job and so you are paying all the bills but she has to pay for herself and is actually short a lot of the time?

You want DD to be with you full time when you separate... but currently you see her in the mornings only, don't do evenings as you're working? So how are you planning to manage that once you separate? And how do you think your DD will feel if her main caregiver just disappears? What exactly are you seeing as "full time"?

I am quite concerned for this relationship and all of the people involved, mostly your DD.

SwordToFlamethrower · 02/04/2024 10:45

Sounds like autism with a PDA profile to me.

WhereIsBebèsChambre · 02/04/2024 11:12

Mummame2222 · 02/04/2024 00:40

Are you for real? What a reach!

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Doesn't take long for its the blokes fault on here does it! And no am not male or a MRA!

WhereIsBebèsChambre · 02/04/2024 11:14

Menomeno · 02/04/2024 08:50

I think that given many PPs have mentioned this, and OP has made no effort to clarify that it’s more than likely the second scenario.

I am prepared, and I want DD to be with me full-time.

I bet you do, OP. Weaponising an imagined psychiatric condition by abusive partners is a tale as old as time. Given that your DW cosleeps with DD, that suggests they have a close and loving relationship. And you want to deprive your child of her mother?

Show quote history

Or the dw is controlling and over attached!

kkloo · 02/04/2024 11:35

Medschoolmum · 02/04/2024 10:14

OP, as far as many MNers are concerned, you are in the wrong because you are (presumed to be) a man. Unless you come back to tell us that you're a woman in a same sex relationship, there will be nothing that you can do to fix this.

If your wife threatened to kill herself in front of your 7yo dd, this is absolutely unacceptable. Your child should not be exposed to this kind of behaviour and you need to consider how best to keep her safe. There isn't enough info in your posts for us to be able to advise you on how best to do this.

There are a couple of things that are troubling me about your own behaviour, though. Why, for example, are you demanding receipts for items that your wife has purchased? This seems quite controlling? And why are you wanting to involve your MIL in your relationship - what would you want her to do and what would you expect this to achieve?

She's possibly having a mental health crisis if the OP believes she has bipolar, and she's threatening suicide in front of her child.

Of course the MIL should know if her daughter is threatening suicide, that's not a relationship issue....unless she's just saying it to be manipulative in which case it is a relationship issue, but that form of controlling behaviour thrives with secrecy.