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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Can we have some positive stuff about MILs here please? I'm fed up of all the moaning!

67 replies

Flibbertyjibbet · 28/03/2008 21:14

As a mother of two boys I am horrified to hear how some of you think that your own mother is more important than your pain in the neck MILS.
Can we have some positive MIL stuff here please? My mil is not perfect but she must love my dp like I love my own sons so doesn't that give us the biggest ever thing in common?

OP posts:

Dragonbutter · 28/03/2008 21:16

My MIL gives a great game of scrabble. We bonded over a game long long ago and always make time to play when she visits. Mine is great.

Miggsie · 28/03/2008 21:17

My MIL is lovely although sometimes a bit irritating and fussy.
My own mother is dead, although I'm sure she would have been a lovely grandma.
I appreciate my MIL all the more now I have read what some MNetters go through with their inlaws.

Cappuccino · 28/03/2008 21:17

mine buys me perfume for Christmas

erm

I am trying

fryalot · 28/03/2008 21:18

Very worthwhile thread

can't join in, mine's dead. But am sure we would have got along famously if I'd ever met her. Like you say, we both love her son.

AnotherFineMess · 28/03/2008 21:19

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my MIL. She is funny, wise, non-interfering, adores my children, cooks us fab meals when we're ill/busy/knackered and has the most beautiful relationship with my children.

Oh, and she produced a pretty amazing son of course! God bless her!

Slubberdegullion · 28/03/2008 21:19

My MIL is totally wonderful (as is FIL), they looked after the DC for two w/e's over the Christmas holidays so DH and I could go away together and have some sleep. One of the w/e's they paid for as a Christmas present.

CinderellaInCyberspace · 28/03/2008 21:19

she grows lovely vegtables and flowers

Slouchy · 28/03/2008 21:19

Miggsie - I could have written your post, word for word.

Mine is a fusspot, but sweet. It is her 60th this weekend and I am really looking firward to the chance to spoil her rotten.

llareggub · 28/03/2008 21:20

Mine has her moments but she is wonderful. She feels more like my mother than my own mother. I am more than happy that she spends so much time here with us.

AnotherFineMess · 28/03/2008 21:20

Whoops, realise I repeated myself somewhat with the relationship with my children thing. Blame the Co-op, they're selling half-price Rioja.

SenoraPostrophe · 28/03/2008 21:21

my mil is great. she's a proper hippy and a proper granny too. she does eat lentils a lot though.

Heated · 28/03/2008 21:22

My mother also died when I was a child, so MIL very special to both my dcs. She is endlessly patient with her time and I have no qualms about leaving dcs in her care. DH jokes she isn't the brightest spark (she thought the 'outtakes' at the end of ToyStory were real bloopers!) but I think he's really lucky. Maybe it's because we live over an hour a way though...

No1ErmaBombeckfan · 28/03/2008 21:22

I think you are being unfair - it usually isn't an attack on the woman but the behaviour of the woman - slightly different imo.

I sometimes don't like what my MIL says or does but it doesn't diminish the fact that she is my DH's mother and did the best job she knew how raising him and his siblings...

fairylights · 28/03/2008 21:24

mine is very very different to me but is great - she respects our space but will always come and help out if need be and is great with our ds. There have been the odd moments of tension of course but my dh is very good at standing up to her and being firm, its a weird thing but i think she actually likes it when he makes things clear - i honestly think that is why lots of women have such an awful time with their MIL, because their DH's aren't prepared to stand up for them/work as a team with the dw.
sorry rant over

flack · 28/03/2008 21:24

Good cook, generous, always asks for present ideas, clean, tidy, reliable, predictable, kind...

southeastastra · 28/03/2008 21:25

there have been some very bad horror stories on here tonight about mils.

mine was a pita, but we've grown to get used to each other now.

hermionegrangerat34 · 28/03/2008 21:30

Mine is fab. We both love Georgette Heyer novels, gardening, and dh of course! Last week dh and I suddenly realised we are both going to be away next week at conferences/meetings etc (diary updates had got a bit confused), so I rang MIL and she and FIL have cancelled all sorts of things to drive 300 miles across the country to come and babysit. My parents wouldn't do that!
As the mother of two sons myself I hope I'm like her to my DIL - and I hope my DIL won't automatically think their own mums are closer to their kids than me, or that I must hate them for taking my sons away (I'll be grateful to them!).

AnotherFineMess · 28/03/2008 21:33

Hello Hermione, thought of you when I saw this thread!

luckylady74 · 28/03/2008 21:33

I am the mother of 2 boys, but yes I do think my mum is more important than my mil, but only to me - not to my dc of course.
My mil loves my dc unconditionally - what ever they do she sees the good in it and it makes me want to cry thinking about it. Dh is so obviously a man who grew up secure in the knowledge that he would be loved no matter what . Mil and I disagree on many things and have little in common, but I aim to love my dc as thoroughly as she does!

ThingOne · 28/03/2008 21:45

Mine is great. As the mother of two boys I hope I can do the job as well as she does. One day I will find a way of telling her this in an unsicky fashion.

She is kind, interested, does not interfere, generous but sadly now getting a bit old and easily gets a bit too fussed about things.

We don't always agree but that's allowed and normal.

She has paid for us to have a cleaner for a year as I am unwell and she can't do much to help. A great present.

magicfarawaytree · 28/03/2008 21:57

cant think of anything nice about mine at all.

Original poster

Flibbertyjibbet · 28/03/2008 22:02

Then please keep off my thread, this is for NICE things about MILs only.
Trust me I had to dig deep about mine, but I managed it!

OP posts:

mrbojangles · 28/03/2008 22:08

Im so gald you raised this point and thats not to detract from those that have truly awfull mil

My mil died after a long battle with cancer 3yrs ago and we all miss her terribly.
She was a wonderful support for me and a great role model.
She raised two wonderful boys to be decent and kind men, one of which I am lucky enough to share my life with.

She was a social worker with strong socialist tendances and a love of life.... She was arrested at greenham common to name a few and continued to fight for what she believed in all her life.

I know I got lucky to get her as I had a fair number of dodgy mothers of previous boyfriends but as a mother of four sons myself I cant help but feel as a mil i'll never quite cut the mustard............

We have a situation in my family where myself and my two sisters have a good relationship with our mum but my brothers wife can be a little harsh in comparing my mum to her own and its not always favorable!

So is it just like that with daughters? I dont know as my mil is not here anymore

lucylala · 29/03/2008 08:35

love this thread! I love my MIL!! and she loves me!!

She often tells me that her friends spend hours discussing problems they have with their daughter in laws and how they feel pushed out and walking on eggshells all the time.
I spend a lot of time listening to my friends moaning about their MIL's and often think they are being unreasonable (my friends that is). I always try and chip in with the MIL's view. They get annoyed and say 'but you're only saying that cos your MIL is great'

I made a decision from the start that when I had kids, both mothers would receive equal access, attention and share in our family. They have and it's worked out brilliantly. My MIL acknowledges that I go out of my way to make sure she sees the kids and likewise she goes out of her way to make sure we're supported.

Of course, at times, she drives me mad. She's very different to me and says and does things that bug me BUT she's always trying to do the right thing and I'm sure I drive her mad with my lack of housekeeping skills and poor care of her little soldier (DH!)

Great thread!

winnie76winnie · 29/03/2008 08:43

Another one here that loves her MIL!

She takes my dc out for an afternoon every week (on her day off, she works four days a week) and her and FIL have them overnight at least once every couple of months so that me and DH can have a night out.

She's also been wonderfully supportive when I was breastfeeding (my mum ff all of us, and couldnt really offer any advice other than get them on a bottle), and again when potty training when I was getting stressed about ds not being dry at night when all his friends were (MIL pointed out that neither of her sons were dry at night before they turned 4)

Shes a great shopping companion, and friend, and when me and DH were going through a difficult patch she didnt take sides, and was a real shoulder to cry on.

My own parents plan to emigrate shortly, and I would be devastated about that if I didnt hvae my MIL here to turn to.

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