Reasonable excuse, or being taken for a ride?

[niadainud]

I received the following message as the reason why I couldn't see the guy I'm dating at all over this long weekend. Does this sound reasonable, or a load of bollocks? FWIW his grandmother usually lives alone.

"It will be be nigh on impossible for me to get away this weekend with my grandmother here unfortunately. She is apparently at the stage where ‘support’ is likely needed, as I said. So whilst I may not be the primary cater whilst she is here I will need to be the back up. It’s very tiresome and I really just hope she agrees to going into one of these sheltered accommodation places, then at least my mother (and I sometimes) will have more control over our lives."

It doesn't necessarily sound like a load of bollocks to me but it does sound unpleasant. The way he speaks of his grandmother like she's a burden. I would find that very off putting.

Hmmm ... It's a very, very long explanation. Have you not talked about this situation before with him?

How far away is he?

Sounds like a reasonable explanation but a really unpleasant way of putting it. I wouldn't want to see him again after that.

Being a carer when yiu know they should be in a home can really damage people.

he doesn't sound very nice.

He sounds very formal, quite odd actually, aside from the appalling attitude towards his GM.

I agree. One of my family members was very badly affected by this. None of us here know what this man and his mother are going through. It's easy to judge him for not sounding like an endlessly patient caring angel.

Are you sure he’s not married/in a relationship?

Id have huge red flags waving tbh.

Hmm. I actually toned down what he wrote a bit before I posted it. I was slightly surprised by the vitriol of it.

I thought that too. I was aware of the situation, yes.

He's about three hours away, but I'd offered to do two thirds of the journey.

You’re obviously not happy with the situation whether or not he’s telling the truth, and that’s fine. But if you’re in doubt, just end it.

It could well be true, is he at least planning to call you (or you call him) ?

Yes, but she's only staying for Easter weekend! It's not like they've been enduring it for years. Plus he doesn't usually live with his mother, so spends even less time with his grandmother.

Nope. Since I expressed my mild annoyance that he hadn't confirmed his lack of availability I haven't heard a peep from him. That was Friday morning.

As sure as I can be, yes.

It sounds like granny is a very convenient excuse tbh. It’s a very last minute cancellation - I also wonder if there’s some other commitment there.

How long have you been dating? Do you know what the situation is with his grandmother?

I'm not sure why you think it's up to you how he feels and deals with his own family.

Hmm all a bit odd I'd say. Maybe he has a difficult relationship with his family and there are things going on that he's not sharing, maybe he's making up excuses when he had ditched you this weekend for other reasons.. but this doesn't really have the ring of truth.

I don't. I was responding to a PP who said, "It's easy to judge him for not sounding like an endlessly patient caring angel" and clarifying that it hasn't been endless, it's just been a few days.

But that doesn't matter. Ifs not for you to judge whether his feelings hold water.

I'd throw this one back.

He's not her burnt-out carer, he barely sees her.

A man who speaks like that about one woman who needs support, will speak like that about you eventually. I'd be done.

To be fair my suggestion of meeting was only made a day or so before.

We've been dating a few months, but he's just been away for six weeks. His grandma is 90ish, lives alone but has (apparently) recently had a sharp decline.

Ahh, ok - my mistake. In which case, there’s every chance he just can’t make it, but given he isn’t her regular carer and he doesn’t see her that often he does sound unkind.

It's for me to judge whether I'm being fed a crock of shit, that's all. Beyond that, no.

That's what concerns me.