Reasonable excuse, or being taken for a ride?

[niadainud]

I received the following message as the reason why I couldn't see the guy I'm dating at all over this long weekend. Does this sound reasonable, or a load of bollocks? FWIW his grandmother usually lives alone.

"It will be be nigh on impossible for me to get away this weekend with my grandmother here unfortunately. She is apparently at the stage where ‘support’ is likely needed, as I said. So whilst I may not be the primary cater whilst she is here I will need to be the back up. It’s very tiresome and I really just hope she agrees to going into one of these sheltered accommodation places, then at least my mother (and I sometimes) will have more control over our lives."

He sounds very tiresome....

I call bollocks on that. I'm sure his grandmother exists she would be amazed to know he helps so much. I'm sure his mother would be absolutely astonished too.

I appreciate that and I've seen the toll it can take (through family members) but it's the way he said it and the fact he's saying it like that to a woman he's only dating - this is him at his most polite/trying to impress phase. He does not sound like a nice guy.

Well done OP, it's disappointing for you but you've made the right choice IMO.

Urgh...this resonates. Sounds like it would always be lacking...some men keep you hanging for the possibility of a few crumbs of affection again in the future. It's not worth it in my experience...better to be alone.

Smart move - well done

The fact that he didn’t suggest a phone call for 6 weeks nor did he call to chat this weekend is massively telling.

He’s either not that interested or just the kind of emotionally unavailable /bare minimum man you want to avoid.

I absolutely can’t stand sulkers. It’s basically the silent treatment. This shows how he will handle problems!

It's not really about whether he's telling the truth. Something in his message has made you feel uncomfortable, and instead of feeling that you want to talk to him about it, you've come to a forum. This wouldn't happen in a healthy relationship.

Why haven't you talked to him about it? I'm not saying you should, but it might help you look at your reasoning, and see that this is not a good relationship for you. You might say 'He won't care about my feelings if I talk to him', or 'I won't trust him to give me an honest answer', something like that.

It doesn't really matter what's going on in this particular situation; your reason for not talking about your feelings is the reason you should split up, unless you want a relationship in which you have to consult a forum regularly.

The way he speaks about his granny would be enough to make me dump him

But he isn't her carer. From what op says he rarely sees her.

I haven't spoken to him about it mainly because he went silent from the moment I expressed my annoyance that he hadn't had the decency to let me know about his availability, but also because I expected him to be defensive rather than, for example, suggesting an alternative meeting. So disappointing.

It sounds like he's being honest though. Being a carer can be exhausting, frustrating, and relentless, no matter how much you love the person you are caring for. Just because granny lives alone, doesn't mean they're not all running around after her all the time. In fact, it's easier to care for someone when you are there all the time, otherwise it can be reactive and fire fighting.

Perhaps he's being honest, or perhaps not. If it is indeed true, it's advisable to conclude matters. He ought to prioritize his family during this challenging period.

If his words don't resonate with you, consider moving forward. You shouldn't feel obliged to accept anything less than what you believe you deserve.

You have no claim to his time and company this weekend or any other day.

If this is what you get after 6 weeks of not seeing him, it's not good enough. Why is a man trying to form a relationship when he knows he's going away that long. Honestly if a man told me after a short period dating that they'd be gone for 6 weeks, I'd end it there and then. Maybe give him the option of getting back in touch on return, but keep your options open in the meantime. If its a trip he does often, I'd sack it off totally.

I don't have a claim to his time on any specific day, at least at this stage, but if he's never going to give me his time (i.e. prioritise me) then it's all a bit pointless. That applies pretty universally I'd have thought.

The reason isn't an issue but the way he worded it. Too long and about him. He could have said: 'can't wait to see you after the long weekend. Can't stop thinking about you'

Some chance! I don't think anyone has ever said that to me. I just don't attract that kind of man.

TBF, I think he checked out a long time ago.