Reasonable excuse, or being taken for a ride?

[niadainud]

I received the following message as the reason why I couldn't see the guy I'm dating at all over this long weekend. Does this sound reasonable, or a load of bollocks? FWIW his grandmother usually lives alone.

"It will be be nigh on impossible for me to get away this weekend with my grandmother here unfortunately. She is apparently at the stage where ‘support’ is likely needed, as I said. So whilst I may not be the primary cater whilst she is here I will need to be the back up. It’s very tiresome and I really just hope she agrees to going into one of these sheltered accommodation places, then at least my mother (and I sometimes) will have more control over our lives."

That I get.

Why don’t you text him to arrange a call for tonight or just give him a ring?

If he doesn’t want to have a proper chat on the phone OR meet up with you , after having been away for 6 weeks of a short relationship it’s definitely a red flag IMO.

Did he call you much when he was away? Was he away for work?

It sounds plausible to me. His grandmother has come to stay and has recently declined so needs more help. His Mum probably doesn't want to be left to deal with it all alone and might be putting pressure on him to stay around.

Having said that,he doesn't come across as a very sympathetic character.

Offer to ring him whilst he’s with “granny” to have a nice chat to her.

His reaction will be telling!

He was in touch a lot, but didn't call me, no. I had hardly any voice for a big chunk of it, so didn't really push for a phone chat.

Ha! Nice idea, but I've never met Granny, so that would be a bit weird.

Reasonable or not, I don't like the way he talks about his nanna. Bell end.

Sorry but it wouldn't surprise me if 'mum' and 'grandma' are actually "wife & kids".

Honestly, OP, I would give this one a miss. There's a lack of warmth and genuineness in this post, apart from the situation with the grandmother.

He sounds defensive to me. Were you clearly annoyed about him not being free and/or were you giving him a hard time about it?

It could be that he's already stressed with it all and the negative language is to show it's not a fun/pleasant thing that he's choosing to do over spending time with you. It's more a necessity.

He sounds like he's feeling the need to justify himself

I wasn't (annoyed), but he could have sensed I was about to be, particularly since he knew he hadn't confirmed when he promised to (24 hours previously) and I was having to chase him only to get a disappointing response.

I agree with your assessment of the language and that that's what he was trying to convey. That fits both with what I know of him and with previous conversations we've had about his grandma.

Sounds married to me and cant get away from them to go on his date. Also the fact hes not been in touch with you since then is suspicious too. I would throw this one back. he also lives 3hours away, too far in my opinion.

He sounds "tiresome" - I'd be looking for a new boyfriend

Even based on the toned down version...I'm not liking the dude. What's he like otherwise? ...Something not ringing true somehow 🤷

You've got doubts at a fairly early stage.
It's a tricky decision. However , he doesn't sound very kind.

Very avoidant. Difficult to pin down. Not exactly sweeping me off my feet or beating a path to my door.

And yet this is exactly what you hear people say on MN when they are a carer of their latent/grandparent…. Alongside how hard it is etc….

I've just blocked him. I haven't seen him for fucking ages and if his reaction to me expressing quite mild annoyance that he didn't bother to let me know until chased that he wasn't free all weekend - quite aside from the disappointment of not actually getting to see him after he's been away for six weeks - is to go quiet for the rest of that day and the two subsequent days (sulking?) then I really can't be bothered.

It sounds like you’ve done the right thing@niadainud. Onwards and upwards - you deserve much better 😊

Easter school holidays, bank holiday weekend, can't get away, married with kids.

That’s fair enough @niadainud

A lot of things not quite right here.
The way he answers you. The lack of motivation to see you. His annoyance at you. The way he talks about his gran etc…..

I hope you have your last day of the bank Hol will be a nice day! Endings are never nice or easy

He's not married and he doesn't have children.

Well I won't get it, but thanks anyway!

Who knows what’s ahead - but the main thing is not to settle for something that doesn’t feel right

I'm quite sure that what's ahead will be much the same as the previous thirty-odd years - and actually this did feel right in many ways - but I appreciate the sentiment.