DH has been stealing my ADHD meds

[fantom]

Up until this point I have trusted him utterly.
I found my meds and he denied over and over again that he had taken them, that I was mistaken, he didn't know what I was talking about etc etc until he eventually admitted it.

It's the lying that has bothered me. I naively thought that he wasn't really capable of lying. I've never known him to be dishonest. He's said this was the first and only time but of course I don't believe him.

How bad is this?

Something feels like it’s not quite adding up. Could he be on other drugs and had run out?

That’s a weird one tbh.

Seeing it was only two and he didn’t take them, I’d be inclined to say he really misjudge the situation there.
Both in thinking this med could help him and then in lying about it (I imagine because he couldn’t a way out of the mess).
I think that from now on you’ll always have a doubt. Some stuff can’t be unsaid iyswim. So it will take time to settle.

Im assuming the profusely apologised both for the stealing and the lying ofc.
If he hasn’t, then you have a bigger problem on your hands.

ADHD drugs are lifechanging and there is currently a global shortage of them, to the extent that newly-diagnosed ADHD patients aren't being prescribed them and existing patients are being moved off them onto different meds where feasible. That OP still has them indicates a profound clinical need for them. He has at best endangered her ability to function daily and hold down a job, and at worst has put her at risk of suicide.

ADHD has symptoms including problems recalling information reliably. The OP's tablets disappearing will look to her like she already took them, causing her to skip doses. The OP's tablets disappearing will cause her to run out of a medication that she needs sooner than the reminder on her calendar says she will, causing a delay in getting more of the meds in time. This is exacerbated by the global shortage.

I concur with posters who say that this is divorce-worthy. A man who loves you does not endanger your life and health and ability to care for your children like this.

Then he can give these essential tablets back to you. If he doesn't, you know he's lied.

Ffs the pearl clutching on this thread is peak mumsnet… Yes he lied, that’s not great, talk to him OP, he was obviously struggling and didn’t feel he could admit it.

Absolute shite. They are amphetamines. We’ve known the affects on people for about 100 years. It’s known as the ‘study drug’ for a reason. What I want to know is why even the medical community is peddling such obvious rubbish. It’s screaming a medical scandal to me along the lines of ‘opiates aren’t addictive’.

They aren’t amphetamines, they are methylphenidate which have a similar effect on people who don’t lack dopamine production in the brain as amphetamines, but affect those who lack dopamine in a different way.

There’s really no good evidence for that, for every study that claims it affects people with adhd differently you will find one that states the opposite. They are very similar drugs. And it depends which drug you take but Adderall is amphetamine. It’s really worrying that it’s being used as almost a diagnostic. ‘If you respond well to this drug it proves you have adhd’. It’s like saying to someone ‘if you feel relaxed when you have opiates it proves you have chronic pain’. Which they tried, and massively failed at. The fact that everyone on the thread is concluding the H is a drug addict is quite telling.

That is really bad OP.

He is retracting everything, effectively gaslighting you in the attempt to free himself of any responsibility. You need to aske yourself the question what if you hadn't found those tablets that looked familiar to you that time, then he would have had no reason to tell you, would probably have kept it going, and you going without vital medication to function. That in itself is huge. It must be hard to process for you as you say, its the lying straight to your face that is the biggest part, but what about his selfish act of not caring for you going without this medication, or possibly not being able to get further prescriptions due to it going "missing", will the GP question it? Not sure what the protocol is.

Let it sink in a little, and think about his loyality lies with himself, he is protecting himself and has got very little towards you it seems.

And lying to you that he took it due to pressure at work? He needs to talk to his manager then, not steal medication to get himself through the day. This is a lie he is comfortable of telling you as it will fit, again, with his narrative, the truth is he may have been doing this for a while, without you knowing. And now with this knowledge of him lying, you will be questioning all his actions now. That is not a comfortable relationship.

I am sorry you are finding yourself here.

I think it’s a bit of an over reaction on your part! He was probably curious about them and wanted to increase his focus and productivity. Hardly the crime of the century to take two pills and then give them back.

They are stimulants, of course they work on anyone.

I think because I've known quite a few peeps to abuse these stimulants it doesn't seem so bad to me.

They're popular around uni's during exams - particularly Oxbridge where I haven't known a student not to take them at some point to 'enhance' performance.

I know someone who stole some from family and she tried it for fun - said it was the most productive day she's ever had!

I can't understand why you didn't add up how many were missing before you posted, though. It sounded as though he had taken a lot of them over a period of time.

This.

He's said this was the first and only time but of course I don't believe him.

But wouldn't you know if some were missing if you don't have any spare? Do you sometimes not take your dose?

I think he's dabbled in stimulants before and thought mmmm free drugs.you should be able to leave your medication in the house without it being siphoned off.

Do YOU have ADHD? Do you know how hard the meds are to get now? Last month the pharmacy could only fill 10 out of 30 capsules for me. Millions of people are having trouble getting medication. There's a worldwide shortage- backordered everywhere; we have difficult days when we can't get it.

He's STEALING someone else's controlled medication. That's not only a crime, it's taking meds she needs to be able to function better in life. Why, so he can catch a buzz?

ADHD is a neurodiverse condition. Our brains function differently, and the amphetamines kickstart them to even things out. If you DON'T have it, then it will affect you as if you're taking speed. Which is exactly what he's doing!

It makes me angry for OP, knowing that she'll have to try to cope on multiple days with no medication. Why? Because he STOLE it!!

It may not be the crime of the century, but it IS a crime.

My ex partner would give me his adhd pills when I needed to concentrate. They worked like nothing else has ever come close to. Obviously he should have asked, but perhaps he was just curious about the effect it would have?

Yes it's bad. He took medication prescribed for you. That you need to benefit himself and take away from you. I'd struggle to forgive this

Such hysteria.

I have ADHD and think everyone is being well over the top.
He took 2 pills. Not days worth.
He says he took them to try and focus better. Even if he took them for a little buzz then world won't end. Many people take alcohol, dope and a range of drugs to get a little buzz.
The lying is the worst bit but it sounds like he eventually told the truth. This is what would fuck me off.

I'm sure I heard or read about a relatively recent study where they tested people without ADHD using stimulant medication and they actually didn't all perform any better, even though they expected to. In some cases I think they were actually worse with the medication.

Wish I had the link for it.

Edit: found it I think.

https://www.science.org/doi/10.1126/sciadv.add4165

Having spent feckin hours trying to get my ADHD medication prescription sorted for the last few months, I'd be raging at anyone pinching some "just to try" though. 😠

Thank you for posting this link. I'm trying to understand ADHD better.

I hope you and your husband find a way to communicate and resolve this OP. You felt lied to about something important, it felt like a really significant breach of trust. A boundary was overstepped.

The study was certainly interesting. However it only studied 40 people without adhd, from what I can tell. So there is no equivalent. It’s certainly interesting as it might imply that these drugs don’t actually improve performance, they might just improve people’s perception of their ability to perform.

I have ADHD. Unmedicated.

But I honestly wouldn't see him taking a couple to try as a massive deal and it wouldn't be due to lack of self esteem. I just recognise that life can be bloody hard for everyone sometimes and work stress can seriously affect everyone so I'd cut him some slack.