Do they really always come back?

[wintersgold]

I've recently gone through a very painful break-up and some conversations with friends/family left me with quite a bit to think about.

Something I keep hearing is that if you go NC immediately (as I have) the ex will almost always return. I was wondering if that's been true in most people's experiences?

It's been nearly a month since the break up and I am still holding onto the hope he'll be back, but I just want to know how realistic this really is.

For context yes I know I should be focusing on myself (I'm trying - really!), my ex was the one who left me and he didn't give an actual reason so to be honest I'm feeling slightly lost right now.

If anyone has experienced anything like this and ended up reconciling I'd love to hear your thoughts.

I threw my exh out after he cheated. He spent almost a year sending me flowers, and trying to get me to take him back. A great pity he was not so attentive when we lived together was what I told him. Once he'd cheated I'd never take him back.

Too many variables to say for certain.

What does stand out though is your lack of anger from being dumped and your seemingly hopeful nature of him coming back and instantly forgiving him.

That does not seem like an equal relationship.

Your lack of anger seems more in line with an ow waiting to be chosen rather than a wife who has been blindsided and devastated and can't cope with the options of a returning husband.

A returning husband has the conflicted pain of loving them and hating them at the same time.

Where's your hate?

I think whether or not he will come back depends on why he broke up in the first place. Was he just trying to hurt you/be melodramatic?. Or has he calmly and rationally decided it was over.

The one time I was dumped from a longer relationship, I remained in contact and yes he did come back. He had only dumped me as a bid to gain even more control I believe.

I said no as by then I had moved on thank God. Can I suggest you do some internet dating or something? You need to take your mind off this tosser - he is not the only fish in the sea.

No they don't. They may sometimes, but certainly it isn't a rule.

Let's face it - for some people going NC may be a gift to them... if they want to forget about your relationship for some reason, or feel guilt for leaving you how they did, or are busy with another relationship... they might not even notice the NC, or be grateful for it.

And if you're hoping that going NC will make him see what he's missing, and yearn for you more - it's possible that could work, but do you really want to be with someone so flaky? Whose ego makes decisions for them? If he came back just because you'd gone NC, it would likely be an ego thing, and he may well leave again at sopme point in the future, once he's realised that he can drop you and pick you up again whenever he wants to.

Finally, and most importantly, why would you want him to come back? He treated you shoddily. You deserve better. Believe it. Go NC FOR YOU, not to try to trick him into coming back.

Yes, every person who ended it got back in contact. One it was a few weeks, others months and one years. In my experience it was a combination of guilt at the way they ended it, assumption that I’d still be interested bc they left me and I must clearly still have feelings and regret that they left a relationship that was better than their next one or they are single and want to get back into an ‘easy’ relationship/ casual sex.

Two I completely ignored when they got back in touch, which I suspect damaged their egos but I wanted them to know I was too preoccupied to respond, other two I was speaking to them as someone who had very much got over them and was happily in another relationship, which disappointed them as they obviously assumed I’d want to get back together. There is no way I’d ever entertain that idea.

If they leave you once, as someone else pointed out - they had a reason and could easily do it again. Never give them the chance. Don’t put yourself at risk of being dumped twice and feeling more worthless for the hope of getting back with someone who clearly undervalued you. They were obviously the wrong one.

Leave them regretting their decision forever is what I say!