Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

is it fairly common for a dh/dp not to see his children all day because of work?

68 replies

cheesesarnie · 28/03/2008 11:51

dh leaves for work just as children are waking and doesnt sometimes get back till well after bedtime.lastnight was 10pm.so he misses breakfast,lunch,dinner,bathtime and bedtime with dc.does this happen in lots of familys?

OP posts:

winebeforepearls · 28/03/2008 11:52

well it happens in ours, but I don't know how common it is. DH leaves at 7am, back usually 7.45ish, well after bedtime. I have a few hours' help in the day, so it's not difficult in that sense, but I wish he could see more of them over the week.

nickytwotimes · 28/03/2008 11:53

I think so, from some of my friends. We are very lucky in that dh is a teacher, so although he has to do marking, he is still around and is finished by bathtime. Some of my friend's dhs work away all week - must be rotten. A lot of farmers round here too - they see their kids lots in the winter and rarely in the summer.

Peachy · 28/03/2008 11:53

Think its common, sadly. Dh used to leave at 6am and get abck at 10pm (long commute) and BIL works away (as in Shanghai away) in the week.

southeastastra · 28/03/2008 11:53

happens here with me too, he goes at 8 back at half nine.

thequietone · 28/03/2008 11:54

Here too, although DH also travels for work, so I don't get the break from the children at all, and at the weekend, DH sleeps in or naps during the day to get over the travel. It's a sign of the times, I think.

captainmummy · 28/03/2008 11:55

I happens in our house - dh leaves at 7 and 2-3 times a week gets back at 7.45, 2-3 times a week it is much, much later than that. Now that the boys are older they see him more, as bedtimes start now at 8.30. But dh is often away, sometimes for a week per month, on the other side of the world, so we just have to get on with it.

bobsmum · 28/03/2008 11:56

Dh doesn't see the children in the morning - he leaves while we're all asleep - and comes home usually in time to say goodnight, but often misses them altogether. This can work in my favour thoguh because if either are up in the night for any reason he jumps up to see to them - any excuse for a cuddle - he's a big softie

This is only since he's got a new contract though - he used to be home at 6pm ish - now it's usually after 7pm. Hopefully temporary - dc3 will be arriving any week now and I could do with a hand

Pinkjenny · 28/03/2008 11:56

Definitely the case in our house. DH leaves before 7am most mornings as dd is having breakfast and 60% of the time she's in bed when he comes in.

Peachy · 28/03/2008 11:57

Mind you cheesesarnie, just because its common, doesn't mean its not hard on the other parent.

Original poster

cheesesarnie · 28/03/2008 11:57

so glad im not only one then tis pants though isnt it!

OP posts:

needtoasksomething · 28/03/2008 11:58

Happens here too.
DH leaves at 7am and home at 8pm. He sees DS some mornings briefly if he is up before 7am but rarely in the evening

sagacious · 28/03/2008 11:59

Dh leaves home usually before 6am, and tries to be back for 7pm so he can see the dc's.. generally he'll see them 2 out of 5 weekdays, but all of the weekend.

DS (age6) has started setting his alarm extra early so he can wave him off in the morning

LuLuMacGloo · 28/03/2008 11:59

Another teacher here. We live close to DH's school so he leaves at 8.15am and is back by 4.15pm. He's thinking of changing jobs at the moment and I'm trying very hard to dissuade him for obvious reasons . I know we are very, very lucky.

No1ErmaBombeckfan · 28/03/2008 11:59

DH leaves home at 7 in the morning (and new job means he will be leaving earlier) and usually only gets back at the tail end of bed time at 8... he makes up for this by spending time with them over the weekends, but it isnt an ideal situation, but a very common one, I think

ComeOVeneer · 28/03/2008 12:00

Same here dh sees the children in the morning for less than an hour, and is rarely home before bedtime. Often I don't see him in the eveing either. He left for work at 8am on Wednesday morning and got home at 7pm Thursday evening, and was back in the office by 8.30am this morning.

ComeOVeneer · 28/03/2008 12:02

TBH I find it easier when he isn't home at bedtime (although I would never tell him that) because I am so used to doing it on my own I have a good routine, plus if he does get home the children get over excited and are much harder to settle.

scorpio1 · 28/03/2008 12:07

DH sees ours about an hour a day, between 6 and bedtime. He is great though and gets right stuck in with them as soon as he gets home; and is fab on the weekends.

When i was growing up i hardly ever saw my Dad, even though he lived with us! I am alot closer to my Mum, but thats maybe becuase i'm a girl anyway iyswim.

No1ErmaBombeckfan · 28/03/2008 12:21

Usually like the husband home on the tail end of bed time .. he can be suckered into reading all sorts of books that I just can't bear to read for the 1000th time...

Fimbo · 28/03/2008 12:23

Yep same here. Sometimes sees the dc in the morning although not that often. Sometimes back before 7 but usually not. Dh is in London this week, the last train back is 11.30 this evening and he has no accommodation booked for tonight, so he should be home by about 2am.

The dc are desperate to see him and know he is coming home today

crace · 28/03/2008 12:51

Same here - leaves early back late, most often past MY bedtime. He's here on the weekends, or most of them anyway!

southeastastra · 28/03/2008 13:10

have to say it really bothers me now. didn't so much when the children were smaller as it was easier to get into a routine.

now i find myself wishing i was the one out at work all day. sometimes go a bit stir crazy and want to get out. hard to find babysitters to go out even in the evening.

bubblagirl · 28/03/2008 13:27

my dp can go weeks or days with not seeing ds

if he has to work away can be longer i send little video messages and pics night daddy texts

very common i think we always feel hard done by as we have to do it all but my dp hates the fact he dont get time with ds so i feel sorry for him too the only thing i get resentful about would be how easy it is for him to have adinner break in peace or go for drink

but he does make effort now when home i'll go out for day and night and he has ds

Idefixx · 28/03/2008 14:55

Same here as well. DP leaves at 6:30am and is rarely back before 20:30, even on Fridays. But he sees dd all weekend.
Having said that, I don't see her that much during the week either, leaving at 7:45am and getting back at 18:30, just in time to put her to bed (she is 11 months). And THAT bothers me much much more...

moondog · 28/03/2008 14:58

I will have to show this to my dh.He works abroad and gets very down about not seeing the children. He doesn't believe me when I say many fathers who live with their kids don't see much of them.

He gets two weeks off every 6 weeks and we spend all summer holidays abroad with him so reckon he does better than a lot of men.

winebeforepearls · 28/03/2008 15:14

Moondog, the 2 weeks every 6 weeks must be a godsend for you.

We're about to move out to the country, but that will mean DH being away for 3 nights a week for work, although 'working' from home on Fridays. I'm dreading him being away, but he will actually see more of the children than he does atm.

Flip

1 2 3