Do unfaithful DHs still have sex with their wives?

[RottingInBed]

Hello

I saw on another thread a minute ago someone said to OP: "for 3 years he was shagging her and then coming home and shagging you". OP had not said anything about her and her DH's sex life (or absence thereof).

This is something I have wondered about over the years.

Do DHs still have sex with their DWs whilst conducting affairs? (I'm thinking more of long term affairs rather than one night stands).

What about unfaithful DWs?

Does the unfaithful spouse continue sleeping with their spouse as part of a way to hide the affair?

And what about the affair partner? (Let's pretend they're single) Do they know/care if the person they're having the affair with is still shagging their spouse? Presumably it matters the basis on which the affair is happening? Ie whether both parties are aware it's just for fun or whether one/both parties thinks/pretends it's TRUE LOVE and they will be together as soon as the kids leave home.

Thanks for any thoughts.

FYI I have limited experience - my boyfriend of 9 years had an "exit affair" when we'd stopped having sex and our rship was dead. So I wasn't as bothered as I would have been if we were still being intimate.

They often do yes.

Mine did. We were TTC number 3 when I found out about his long term affair.

Yes. We had more sex when he was cheating on me.

My ex did. I stupidly believed surely he wouldn't shag me and someone else! Silly me.

In my experience , yes

I don’t think there’s a consensus on this. Completely depends on the situation and the relationship, doesn’t it?

My ex had persuaded me he was basically a sexual and had no interest in sex whatsoever so it was a bit of a surprise to find out that wasn’t the case at all!

Yes. They do so partly to hide the affair. Partly presumably because they want any sex they can get, the more the merrier.
I found that a particularly upsetting part of my ex husband’s extensive adultery. I hoped he had showered in between at least but who knows.

The person I know of that had a long term affair was having more sex with his live in girlfriend than he did prior. Must be true what they say, the more you have the more you want.

Yes, probably adds to the illicit thrill. It would be a bit weird if they suddenly went all moral and rejected any advances from the wife so as not to cheat on the mistress.

The affair partners either don't care or choose to believe that their wives don't understand them and they live like roommates, only stay together for the children... etc

If somebody is willing to throw away everything and potentially turn their spouse's and children's lives upside down, purely in pursuit of more sex, would you expect them to turn down the sex that they already have 'available' - rather than get as much as they possibly can?

It's probably different if they have fallen out of love with (or grown to hate/dislike) their current spouse/partner and want to move on with somebody new instead, but then you would normally expect them to end the current relationship first, rather than sneaking about and cheating.

Mine did -yes! I imagine he told OW he wasn’t, tho she was scuzzy enough probably not to care

Yes, I think it can increase. He's more turned on, but has limited opportunity to be with OW.

Ofcourse! Part of the ruse tho is they will often tell the affair partner they are in a sexless marriage, which 99% of the time is a lie.

Two of my good friends were cheated on by their husbands (now ex husbands!) In both cases they were still having lots of regular sex with their wives, alongside their mistress. Wives had no idea that their marriages were anything less than great at the time, it was a complete shock out of the blue. One said they were actually having more sex than usual.

And guaranteed he always tells the affair partner that him and his wife aren’t having sex anymore, they are thinking about separating, they have grown apart ………. It’s usually bullshit, he just thinks he’s entitled to have sex with whoever he likes and it’s a story to lure the mistress into having regular sex with him, whilst keeping his wife.

I used to work with an ow, he and his wife even had 2 children while the affair was going on so yes they were definitely having sex. My own ex was having an affair and still having sex with me.

More sex with their wives.

Of course they do, many wives become pregnant whilst husband playing way, then OW gets the hump because she was stupid enough to believe him when he trotted out the "We're more like brother and sister script."

Gosh, I hadn't thought but yes of course, he might INCREASE sex with his wife a) because of general increased libido and b) to hide it.

And yes, very good point. If he's cheating on his DW, why would be be "faithful" to his affair-partner.

BUSTED if the wife gets pregnant when the unfaithful DH has been trotting out the "we don't have sex anymore" line. (Not funny for the DW and innocent DC though!)

ExH and I had sex almost every day during his four year affair. I stupidly believed that even though he had a high sex drive, he wouldn’t stray if he was getting sex at home. Silly me. And yes, of course he told OW that we had a sexless marriage and slept in separate bedrooms.

yep they certainly do.... its called 'having your cake and eating it'.. and has been mentioned in some cases, the couples sex life improves rather than dwindles off...

its actually how i found out my partner was sleeping around.. as gross as this sounds, i tasted her on him!

yuk yuk yuk... relationship over

Yeah, I reckon men are pretty basic tbh. They wake up with a hard-on next to their DW of 20 years. He then goes ahead and does what comes naturally. May nor may not be thinking about affair-partner during!

Pretty grim if no barrier protection and, as pp said, at least showering in between.

Yes usually. It's very common for the cheater's 'home love life' to get a boost as well because they get turned on thinking about the other woman/man and/or more shagging generally makes people more horny in general. Sometimes the cheated on party starts to guess what's going on thanks to more bedroom action or new quirks previously not shown. Grim but true.

Yes we were TTC when he was cheating.

I personally think that if you are in a monogamous relationship and one goes off shagging who knows what, and then has sex with the innocent unknowing, partner, then that is non consensual sex.