How do you politely refuse an invitation to something boring?

[ShrubRose]

I have a new friend whom I like a lot and hope to get to know better. We've been to a few activities. But she's invited me to some things that I am just not interested in. A couple of times I faked a prior appointment, but she sort of knows my routine, and I'm not sure I can keep doing that.

Now I've gotten myself into the position of agreeing to something that I wouldn't ordinarily do on a day when the weather forecast is horrible.
When I invite someone to a specific thing, I do it carefully, i.e., "I don't know if this would interest you ... " But she just sort of says, "Are you free on Sunday? I'd love it if you could join me for ..."
Is there a way to say you don't want to do something without being insulting or alienating?
TIA

”Thanks for the invite, but that really isn’t my sort of thing. How about we meet up later or next week instead?”

Can you say something along the lines of 'I'd love to spend some time with you, but that's really not my thing?' and ideally have something else to suggest that you would both enjoy?

I don’t understand … just say no thanks not something that interests me or not my cup of tea…

If she’s a good friend she will be ok with it if she gets her knickers in a knot then she’s not a good friend

Just say it isn’t your thing and suggest something else you could do soon so she knows it’s the activity you don’t like, not her. It’s easier to be honest from the start or you might end up doing the boring thing for years! The more you leave it until you say something the more difficult it will be.

Yes just be honest, say something like 'that's thoughtful of you to ask me, but to be honest it's not really my cup of tea, I'm not a big fan of xxx. But it would be lovely to see you soon, fancy a coffee next week?'

I told my friend not to ask me if I was free before saying what the invitation was! It's totally unfair. Just say oh that's a kind invitation, not really my scene though, thanks.

Absolutely this. Making up excuses backs you into a corner.

Its really not difficult to be honest with people and say ‘no thank you’

What is it that it's so boring?

If you like spending time with her then you suggest things . If you don't and find it a chore then gently let her down with no thank you, she will stop inviting you.

I'm an organising type of person. I see stuff and think it will be fun. I always ask a couple of my mates. Sometimes they come, sometimes they eyeroll at how mad it is (being chased by zombies through an ornate garden was suprisingly much funnier than we expected) and sometimes they simply say "not for me, but enjoy". No drama taken from it, just simply say not your thing, but I'll catch up with you for coffee etc. Don't go if you won't enjoy it, 😊

Be honest. Why wouldn't you? Do you want a friend you can't say no to? If not, test it out now to see how it goes. If she doesn't like 'no', you're best to find out now.

Life isn't about trying not to offend people. It's about finding people who aren't offended by you, when you're being yourself.

Why have you lied so far?

One of the things was a celebratory event for an agency she does volunteer work for. Nothing to do with me!
Was tricky to say no to that one - what do I ever do on a Sunday morning?!

Why is this relevant?

No thanks Susan but I hope you have a great time and it's nice you see recognised for the volunteering you are doing.

@ShrubRose - As others I just think you can say - how nice of you to invite me but not my cup of tea. Neighbours and we go to the cinema together but if one person says - no - no for me - no one is offended. The others go.

Why does it matter that you’re not doing anything else on a Sunday morning? If it’s not your type of thing, just say so.

Bring honest isn’t rude or insulting, it’s just telling her the truth.

I have done this with a friend. She was often trying to get me to go to events or arrangements I knew I wouldn't enjoy. She was a railroader and quite bossy with it which annoyed me and made me dig my heels in.
I said something along the lines of, "Thank you for asking me, the invitation is appreciated but tbh I just don't fancy it. Not my thing. I hope you have a good night though."
It's polite but not open to discussion.

Well I'm sure you relax and enjoy not rushing off to work. Those are plans.

Why do you think just not wanting to go is not a valid enough reason?

Why do you need to have a way of excusing yourself or pretending you want to go but can't?

If someone invites me to something I don't fancy, I say, "Thanks for the invitation but that's not really my thing. Have you asked <insert another person's name>?" Or similar.

A real friend wouldn't mind. I certainly wouldn't. I invite people to thngs and get turned down. I don't recall ever being offended by it.

Bring honest isn’t rude or insulting, it’s just telling her the truth.

This.

Lying and disemingenous people pleasing on the other hand..

Imagine if you invited someone to something and they went out of duty but would rather have been cleaning between their toes instead? How would you feel?

Agree just say you don't fancy it.

But you can always say 'sorry I have plans'.

Even if your plan is a lie in with a coffee, it's still a plan!

If you're fairly new friends, you won't have learnt all of each other's interests yet. If you don't speak up now, she won't know it's not your thing, and will keep asking you. There is nothing wrong with saying it's not your cup of tea.

"Thanks for the invite but it's not my thing. Hope you have a lovely time though." Just be honest!

You don't have to be doing anything! "Thanks for the invite but I just like to chill on a Sunday morning. Hope you have a great time though."

Friendship is give and take

That sounds interesting. Shall we go out for Sunday Lunch/get smashed in the pub/ to a gallery afterwards (whatever rocks your boat)