Husband irritated with me in restaurant - in front of others - for asking question about prawn tails

[SabrinaLina]

I was in a Chinese restaurant with my husband tonight.

When I was ordering mine, I asked the waitress if the prawns came with tails on.

I thought this was a normal and reasonable question? Since I prefer not to have to take them off, and would just order something else if they had tails on.

Anyway, my husband got annoyed at me in front of the waitress. He was huffing and tutting, and he acted annoyed and frustrated, saying 'why are you asking that?', implying i was being ridiculous.

I was embarrassed in front of the waitress and the other diners near us.

AIBU to feel put out? For me, it made me feel flat for the whole meal (though I made conversation normally).

And here is your issue.

Its not the first time and he feels it’s ok for him to make you look bad in public.
I imagine you’ve told him too so he doesn’t take how you feel into account either.

You need a chat @SabrinaLina
And you need boundaries.

It doesn’t matter though if having tails or not ‘should’ be seen as an issue.

The OP wanted to ask. I imagine she was going to get a quick answer Yes or No. That was it. If he has kept his mouth shut, it would have been a total non event.

Making a huge fuss in public about it though…..

It's usually my only restaurant question.

I love prawns but have zero interest eating them in public if they aren't shelled and de-tailed.

Your husband appears to have attitude problem.

You just need to ask if they’re dressed, ie she’ll removed. i’m not keen on de shelling and it’s a valid and common question. It’s him, he’s the problem, it’s him.

Yes, he could have just calmly said 'do you mean to ask if they come with the shells', rather than huffing and puffing and getting annoyed at me.

No they didn't.

The waitress was a bit confused about what I was asking, and she wasn't sure if they came with tails or not.

But I ended up ordering them anyway - so took a risk. They had no shells and were nice.

I would try to find out if he was already irritated , for whatever reason , before you ordered the meal.

This! Is there any more context? Did you ask him afterwards why he reacted like that? Did the rest of the meal pass smoothly?
Was the waitress attractive? Sometimes that can trigger weird behaviour from men.

Mumsnet is wild sometimes. Since when is it "fussy" or "faffy" to ask a single question about food you're paying for? Jesus. People who get irritated and embarrassed by this completely normal behaviour, genuinely, how do you cope with day to day life? It must be so stressful.

I worked in restaurants for years, it's totally fine and normal to ask questions about the food. No one cares.

You did absolutely nothing wrong OP. It is part of a waitress's job to be able to answer queries about items on the menu. Indeed often if they aren't sure they will check with the kitchen. If he gets irritable with you over something so insignificant it suggests (as with you posting) there is more going on in the relationship.

Happy healthy people don't care if other people ask a waitress if a prawn has shells on it. I can't believe I even have to type that tbh.
My in laws are like that, they love to scrutinise everything other people do. And talk about it, loudly and often.

It's toxic and embarrassing.
Don't put up with it op.

People should ask questions about their food. Wait staff don't mind. One simple question will not mark you out as fussy - it shows you have preferences and the spine to ask a question.

Your dh sounds like a dick.
What an unpleasant person to be forced to share a meal with, let alone a life.

Op even asking if they come with tails is valid as I've been in many restaurants where they don't always so not sure why she was confused (unless she is usually asked if they come with shells, which is likely).

Either way carry on, asking questions about how certain foods arrive is a perfectly normal thing to do and if anyone gets annoyed by that they are a bit strange.

I once ordered "<whatever breed> fish" and was surprised it arrived with gills, eyes, and scales, literally just a baked whole fish so I always check these things now because that was a bit of a meal ruiner 😬

I did challenge him after the waitress had left. I asked why he got so annoyed when it was a perfectly reasonable question. He didn't seem sorry about it. I said I doubt he would've acted like that on a first date. He said he had never heard of anyone, ever, asking about prawn tails.

I didn't want to make a scene because there were other diners around, so I just tried to carry on as normal.

I think it is OK to ask for clarification for something on a menu. It does not mean you are like Sally in When Harry met Sally and completely high maintenance on anything. Also I think it is OK to ask for salad without dressing or sauce on the side not on the meal . That (Prawns as OP's comment ) would have passed without comment between DH and me.

This is worse but no-one minded . I once went to a v nice restaurant near a distillery. I don't drink whisky - I can't abide the stuff - but they had a lovely streak with whisky sauce and I very politely said to the waitress I would love it but don't like whisky. "Oh - she said - we can do it with béarnaise sauce instead " Lovely - No embarrassment - polite comment - lovely answer