Husband irritated with me in restaurant - in front of others - for asking question about prawn tails

[SabrinaLina]

I was in a Chinese restaurant with my husband tonight.

When I was ordering mine, I asked the waitress if the prawns came with tails on.

I thought this was a normal and reasonable question? Since I prefer not to have to take them off, and would just order something else if they had tails on.

Anyway, my husband got annoyed at me in front of the waitress. He was huffing and tutting, and he acted annoyed and frustrated, saying 'why are you asking that?', implying i was being ridiculous.

I was embarrassed in front of the waitress and the other diners near us.

AIBU to feel put out? For me, it made me feel flat for the whole meal (though I made conversation normally).

your question seems reasonable and very low stakes. (Yes the restaurant can do it, no we can't).

I would try to find out if he was already irritated , for whatever reason , before you ordered the meal.

Ha ha ha I love eating prawn tails and shells. And if in Southern Africa where prawns are almost 100% wild caught, I absolutely love eating the heads too (farm raised you can taste the vile food and chemicals. Not nice). Am with your DSC on this 😄

If you’re in a restaurant would you just blindly order a meal that you might not enjoy or just use words to ask a question?

If they said yes they come with tails/shell on and OP had asked if the dish could be prepared differently then that’s bring fussy, but if being told yes thats how it’s served the OP says ok no problem I’ll order xyz that’s a perfectly normal conversation to have with a waiter.

Doesn't make you fussy at all I'm not understanding why posters are suggesting that.

"No mayo please"
"No onions"
"No gherkins please"
"Can I swap the fries for salad?"
"Do the prawns have tails on?"

All similar and very very normal requests or questions that hundreds of thousands of people ask for on a daily basis.

You DH was being a dickhead.

As a waitress, I say YANBU and your husband is a dick. So are all the posters calling you fussy and annoying.

There is nothing wrong with asking questions about your food. At work we have people asking for beans/sauces separate, swapping items for something else, leaving things off the meal or paying to add things on. No one cares! You pay for your food, I want you to enjoy it.
Happy customers make life easier for everyone!

I answer hundreds of questions from customers and happily answer them. It's literally part of my job to know the menu and be able to answer customer's queries!

Don't let your husband or any other tedious people who think they are superior make you feel bad for a perfectly normal question OP!

Would annoy me too, just order something else if it's ambiguous. Whilst he overreacted it sounds like it's not uncommon. As for the onion, just remove it, I get annoyed at people trying to change dishes for anything other that genuine medical reasons, just push whatever you don't like to the side, dsd is like this and it puts me off going to anywhere "nice" with her because she's dissect her meal, she's an adult!

He was arsey

Why do you get annoyed? Have you tried seeking help for why other people completely reasonable and normal actions upset you so much and prevent you from going places?

Meditation might help.

I’d say the exact opposite, the adult thing to do is ask a simple question about the food you’ll be paying for rather than pushing bits to the side when you know fully well you’re not going to eat that part of the meal.

It’s totally normal to ask, please can I have that without onion/with the sauce on the side or whatever, you’re paying for the meal.

What other people do with their food or eat isn’t for you to concern yourself with, I bet your DSD doesn’t like eating with you either if you’re so unnecessarily judgy.

He was being a dick!

I always ask for my salad with no dressing, burgers with no burger sauce . It’s just the same.

when we got home I’d definitely be telling him never to speak to me like that again!

Because you just cut the tails off like everybody else, they are not normally consumed but are added for flavour. It is not the same as the other examples you have given in any way. I have honestly never heard anyone asking if prawns come with tails on or off. 😅

Or, if it's ambiguous, just ask the server to clarify.
That's what the server is there for, it's literally their job.
I imagine your dsd is just as happy to not go to restaurants with you, she must feel judged for the entire meal.

Umm it's literally exactly the same as my other examples 😬

It's the other way round for me, I've never heard of someone not checking (obviously everyone I've been in that situation also dislikes prawns with shells on)

Irrelevant if you can do that - it’s a personal preference, you’re allowed to ask anything you like about a meal you’re paying for in a restaurant you know :)

Asking for a clarification on a menu item is fine. I have to confess though I get slightly irritated when people start to fundamentally change dishes by asking the kitchen to swap ingredients in and out.

Just hold the prawn by the tail and suck the meat away from the shell.

Or, op can clarify and order something else if she (like many many others) doesn't fancy doing that 👍

OP isn’t asking for instructions on how to eat a prawn in a shell :)

I wouldn’t want to eat like this in a restaurant personally so I’d also ask the question.

I’d have no issue with anyone else eating shelled prawns I just find it messy and annoying so I’d rather not.

You are the unreasonable one. Your poor DSD! Eating out is supposed to be something you do for pleasure. You should receive a meal you enjoy and can eat. Why do you get to be judge and jury on the only legitimate reasons someone should ask to change their meal?

Someone who works as a waitress has already said answering questions is an expected part of the job. I have also worked as one in the past and would have massively judged a husband for criticising his wife for asking about the food. Luckily I never experienced that because most people are not knobs.

OP, your H is being hugely unreasonable and just using this as a way to belittle you and eat away at your confidence. If he is doing this elsewhere in your life, as it sounds like he is, it is time for a serious conversation about his behaviour and/or him becoming your ex-DH.

Doesn’t matter if it was a fussy question or not, he had no business embarrassing you like that.

Altho lol at the internalised misogyny of the poster who finds it’s ‘usually women’ being fussy. Thank goodness she’s not like other girls.

Did they come with tails?

What? Your poor SD.
First you say just push onions to the side and then complain about her disecting her meal.
How on earth does it affect you if people make changes to their meals.

It sounds like you are actually the one who is fussy and hard work!

Asking if they came shell on would be reasonable, a lot of people don't like that, and de shelling them can be messy. But you didn't say that, although it's what you meant. So you asked a faffy question (as tails on are no big deal) when it wasn't even what you meant to say anyway so totally pointless and a waste of everyone's time. So I get this is irritating for your husband especially if it's a dish where it's clear the shells would not be left on in any case, even if you had been able to articulate wtf you were talking about 😁 but he was rude and there was no need for him to be so nasty like that.

Your husband was really disrespectful.

It is perfectly normal to ask questions about the food and drinks you are ordering in a restaurant and to make sure you are ordering something you will enjoy.

The people suggesting you are 'fussy' share the same lack of basic manners as your husband and probably think that women should just be quiet and just smile rather than expressing their needs.

It's a perfectly reasonable question to ask the waitress, I'm sure she didn't care or think you're fussy. Is your husband always so rude to you? Did you say anything in return or just sit there and take it?