Why do people make put down comments?

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I just don't get how people have the actual audacity to openly do it, and also why they want to do it? What do they achieve from it?

I've ditched a friend years ago for making constant put down comments about me, saying I was ugly and various other things.

Now I seem to have acquired another 'friend' through a group of friends and she is going the same way. Every comment she makes to me has a sting in the tail or is a put down.

Whatever I'm wearing is 'interesting' or she tells me I can't get away with it. At a meet up yesterday someone told me I looked like a famous person and 'friend' burst out laughing and said 'No she doesn't! Famous person is pretty'

She had also told me I'm too plain to do the job I do and she is surprised that someone as ordinary as me has got the job.

Why do people do this?

Can only imagine she’s very unhappy with herself and jealous? Dump the friend and tell her why. With friends like that, who needs enemies?

Lots of reasons. Low self esteem, inability to feel good without knocking someone else down, jealousy, insecurity... Or they're just a massive cunt. Just remove people like this from your life, they're not worth it.

People who are happy with themselves, don’t do things like that.

I often end up lumbered with friends like them. I feel like I attract them, but probably I just put up with them more than others do and let them grind me down

People who are unhappy and feel like shite, want you to be unhappy and feel like shite, just like they do. Why should you be upbeat and happy. As with any tumour, removal. And enjoy the bliss.

I also have a friend like this and she uses this tactic to self deflect from her own unhappy life, she paints a picture to other people that her life is rosy, it's far from it and she's so unhappy so does this to try and make herself feel better, I've distanced myself from her a lot now as it used to upset me and feel that's how I must be if she said it, but now I feel sorry for the fact that she's sad lonely and clearly messed up, I'm fine and happy in life and that's what she didn't like, she's always liked people who had problems now I know why, because then she didn't have to think about her own, it's a horrible narcissist trait.

I wouldn't mind as much if all the comments weren't 'looks related'. It feels very personal

It IS personal. Next time stop, look her up and down, and say “why would you say something like that?” Then just get your things and go. Stop including her in your life.

It's a classic and miserably sad equation: they feel/know themselves to be inferior and therefore go out of their way to make someone think they are even more inferior.
Then they feel superior but in a cruelly warped way.

They have the much, much bigger problem - not you.

Honestly if someone made comments like this about me I’d be very comfortable just telling them to fuck off.

Some very stupid people take niceness in a person as a green light that they can be absolutely cheeky fuckers towards them and wipe their bad feelings on them like wiping their feet on a doormat.
It’s not your fault. It’s theirs. If you’re around her in future, say Pardon?? Who do you think you’re speaking to? When she says something rude. But really you’re probably better cutting her off.

So what do you do when someone makes such comments?

"Did you mean to be so rude?"

And dump them.

Cause they are so unhappy in their own lives, totally insecure, that the only way they can feel good about themselves is to try and keep others down. They’re usually jealous.
she’s no friend of yours, dump.

My question is why you tolerate people doing this repeatedly to you? Obviously we know nothing about the inner landscape of a new acquaintance or total stranger, but you're describing people doing this as part of a pattern of behavior. You obviously can't stop someone being a bitch, but you can certainly respond in a way that puts them back in their box and choose not to be in their company again.

They do it because they either:

1. Have this self inflated sense of themselves. And think they are above everyone else. These types are usually class A dicks.
2. They are insecure and pointing out other peoples flaws (that are not flaws) that they are jealous of makes them feel better. These types are also usually class A dicks.
3. They are a class A dick.

Next time she comments, absolutely call her out.

Something like:

1. Did you mean it to come across like that? (and chuckle)
2. What an odd thing to say (and just stare at them)
3. Thanks, I like to try and be a bit 'interesting'. So much more fun than being boring. Oh sorry, i'm not saying you are boring (and make a little face that says 'oops')

And if that doesn't work. An old fashioned 'oh fuck off Susan, its just getting tiresome now' should do it.

I'd have no problem calling her out. She is RUDE.
"Why are you being so insulting to me?" (puzzled face)

As for why...I dunno. Jealousy, lack of social skills, resents you for something, can only feel big by making someone else feel small...who knows. It's nothing good anyway.
She can't say things like that to you. It's very nasty.

I seem to have had a few 'friends' like these. I don't understand it either, but I did as MonsteraMama advised and ditched them.

@Bookworm20 this particular friend definitely has the inflated sense of self and thinks she is better than everyone else

I think a lot of people have come across someone like this, OP. The more inflated they are, the more they’re compensating. I got rid of my bitchy hairdresser for this reason. There was a time when I’d suffer these fools, but am now at an age when I would tell them to fuck off and go and look in the mirror.

But it's pointless speculating, ultimately. It won't stop them doing it, and you can only change your own behaviour, by either responding assertively so they don't do it again, or by choosing not to spend time with people who think it's acceptable to insult you.

Why do people make put down comments?
Because they're stupid losers who think it makes them look clever. It doesn't.

She had also told me I'm too plain to do the job I do and she is surprised that someone as ordinary as me has got the job.
She's not a friend, so you will not be losing a friend when you dump her.

To make herself feel superior. Thats it! Just like the class bully.

Used to work with someone like this. She had a very warm heart and was kind in some ways but you never knew when an inappropriate comment was coming so had to drop her. She wasn’t even as rude as this friend of yours but it’s not acceptable. Think she was very competitive. It’s no excuse for insulting people.

Your non-friend is a malicious bitch, please laugh back at her and say something about how plug ugly and talentless she is, and never see her again.

The best way to deal with people like that is to look concerned, firmly lock eyes with them and simply say "are you okay?" Preferably with undeserved sincerity.