Why do people make put down comments?

[alwaysbuffingnails]

I just don't get how people have the actual audacity to openly do it, and also why they want to do it? What do they achieve from it?

I've ditched a friend years ago for making constant put down comments about me, saying I was ugly and various other things.

Now I seem to have acquired another 'friend' through a group of friends and she is going the same way. Every comment she makes to me has a sting in the tail or is a put down.

Whatever I'm wearing is 'interesting' or she tells me I can't get away with it. At a meet up yesterday someone told me I looked like a famous person and 'friend' burst out laughing and said 'No she doesn't! Famous person is pretty'

She had also told me I'm too plain to do the job I do and she is surprised that someone as ordinary as me has got the job.

Why do people do this?

Because they are twats.

You need to respond.

That was very rude. Why did you choose to say that to me?

And if they respond that it was a joke that's when you say oh was it? Maybe I didn't get it. What was funny about it?

Alternatively, when they make a rude comment you pause for a second, look them in the eye then say "anyway..." And carry on with unrelated conversation

I'm not sure she does think she's better than anyone else. She is trying to bring you down so that she feels better about yourself.

People like this have one chance with me, then I'm off.

So she says "no famous person is pretty" and your friend who brought this up says........what in your defense?

They all sound a bit unhinged and very concerned about looks and clothes. Do you spend your time talking about celebrities?

I am not sure my friends would notice this much.

It's a weird time we live in now - on one hand everything is 'offensive' (well overused word) BUT on the other people seem to think they have the right to say what they want with no regard for anyone as they're 'only being honest'

Personally next time you see her (with other friends) I'd call her out on it 🤷‍♀️

Because they are massive cunts and feel like they can get away with it with certain people. Don’t take it anymore and they will soon stop. I would be absolutely raging if she said it to me and so should you be, don’t have anything else to do with her and if people ask why don’t hold back from the truth

PLEASE Fuck her off that's absolutely horrendous 😞 she's trying to deliver a blow not only personally but publicly. Please rid yourself of this toxic bxxxh

Misery loves company don’t let the horrible cow drag you down.

I don’t think there is any more to add to this.

Says everything you need to know OP.

'friend' burst out laughing and said 'No she doesn't! Famous person is pretty'

I'd honestly pity someone who had such a pathological lack of awareness to make remarks like that. Now I don't for a second think that "pity" in this scenario means you have to like her, do anything for her, or expose yourself to her in any way. But seriously? Can you imagine walking around day to day so devoid of sense and tact?

I have a "friend" who does this constantly. Always something to say about the way you dress, or youshould do your eyebrows, like this your hair would look better like this. Blah blah blah. I have learnt over time, it's nothing to do with me and all to do with her l. It somehow makes her feel better about her self. Even if you were to do all the things they suggest, they will still have comment 😂 fase them out, their insecurities are not your problem. People.hate it when your just happy as you are, really hurts them for some reason 😂

Are you generally good at setting boundaries? I only ask because I haven’t always respected my own boundaries…and others have sensed they could trample over them. Backhanded comments, assuming I’ll go along with whatever they want etc.

it takes a lot of courage to assert yourself if it doesn’t come naturally.

It might well be due to lack of boundaries on my part. She has lots of other friends that she is in awe of and wouldn't dare make comments to.

Yes this - or ask directly if she has self esteem
Issues

Best guest is you're beautiful and they're jealous of you so make horrible snide remarks to bring you down whilst somehow making themselves feel better.

That's not a friend, ditch her and be clear why. I can't think of a single person I can a friend who would be cruel like that, I wouldn't put up with it.

It's hard enough in life to overcome our own doubts and fears without someone else adding to it

You and me both @alwaysbuffingnails

I seem to be attracting some real arses at work lately, I'm an arse magnet ! I think when you aren't loud mouthed or over bearing people mistake it for weakness and walk all over you.

Walk away and don't look back, that's what I do now. If nothing else it feels empowering.

It is lack of capability to be nice. Just they are not nice. Haters of people

I have no tolerance for rude twats. The best thing about getting older is that you care less about these types and it’s easier to reply in kind or ignore them.

Met too many of them over the years as I work on a competitive environment. Not long ago one women made a sneery comment about my brightly coloured shoes as only I would wear them apparently. I just smiled with a tippy head and said “Yes as they are just more interesting” looked her up and down and walked away.

It feels personal because it IS personal! Bin this person and move on with your life!

try shutting her down next time. You’ll feel good for standing up for yourself. Doesn’t need to be heavy but does need to be firm.

A simple what was that is often enough as she’ll be embarrassed to repeat it. Even funny jokes aren’t funny when they have to be repeated and explained. If someone gets defensive I go back with an innocent “I’m sorry. I didn’t catch what you said. What was it?” A bit pass-ag maybe but she deserves it!

I think in your shoes I would want to say to her ‘Oh well, it could be worse, I could look like you!’, but not sure I would be brave enough!
I agree with others, drop her, she’s not your friend.

Insecurity, projection. Distance yourself from it emotionally.

Ask her.
Next time she does it, just ask her "what is it you actually get from making all these comments about the way I look? Are you insecure or just mean?"

It's not like it's a big loss if you fall out.

I had a friend like this well I say friend but yes a total d**khead everything she said to me was like that. It’s hard to understand I think because people like us don’t want to put people down but yeah it’s insecurity and a warped way of making these losers feel better. Xx

You probably do attract them because you put up with it. No friend wants to out you down, cut her off! Or if you’re in a friendship group & can’t avoid her, call her out! I’m sure most people wouldn’t because she makes them feel less, but she deserves it!